TITLE: if (lifeisokay) { console.log('general life updates'); DATE: 03/13/2022 06:18:50 ----- BODY:
I have finally sat down and decided to learn JS. I'm going through the entire course on Codecademy until I get Really Bored and just jump into a project I wanna do or until I finish and decide to start with freeCodeCamp.
I heard something strange about things my ex roommate said about me.. That I am lying. I don't know why he thinks that. I did try to talk to them.... And they deleted all of it. He even deleted things without reading. What would I lie about? If I've truly done something wrong, I don't mind being told, however, I am not going to have someone yell at me about all the things I did to hurt them while having my own thoughts muted.
I don't think I'd try again or respond to anything since they deleted my emails and said such cruel things to me without bothering to acknowledge anything they said or did. I think about that relationship and.. Now I see it from an outsider's point of view. It was something I knew would end while I was in it just as violently as I expected, but now that I am outside of it, I think.. I'm overall happy that it's over.
I don't think I'd try again or respond to anything since they deleted my emails and said such cruel things to me without bothering to acknowledge anything they said or did. I think about that relationship and.. Now I see it from an outsider's point of view. It was something I knew would end while I was in it just as violently as I expected, but now that I am outside of it, I think.. I'm overall happy that it's over.
I don't know. I'm okay now. I feel less hurt by their actions or more hurt by how having them as my best friends for the core of my development kind of warped how I view friendship and interacts with others, however, I also realize I've never been very close to the people around me and I learned a lot of lessons about what I should not tolerate and how I should behave and the importance of boundaries.. I also know what expectations I have to people who call me a best friend or a sibling. It's something I need to discuss with a friend soon but it frightens me.
I have to try my best to be normal now despite my mental illness. I need to do as much as I can and not make excuses lest I might hurt my friends they way they did me, but I also need to bring up how painful certain things are for me to avoid building resentment. And I am going to do that more often I think :'D Instead of just leaving thoughts inside.
I made a new friend and he told me that just because someone disagrees with you, it doesn't mean you are wrong. I told my other friend I was not a fan of Doki Doki Literature Club and she agreed. I really like Machine Girl and I had another friend laugh about it. I laughed. I told a friend I was a bit sad that we do not talk anymore, and I hope we don't drift apart but it's okay if we do and I wanted to at least try to fix it or reach out to prevent it- if it is not inevitable. I told a friend I did not like Death Note, but he liked it a lot. I thought his perspective was interesting. Maybe I'll to read it. I told him why I did not like it, but I also hadn't seen it since I was 14.
I rebuilt my savings with my last paycheck.. iPad purchase hit me and quitting my job hit me hard but I hit back harder so summer and steam deck plans are still a Go. I have an interview for a job I really want this Wednesday I don't know if I've mentioned it here but I quit my old job. Customer service just isn't good for me. The job I'm applying for is at an IT company. There was a one way interview I did excellently on and now I look forward to the in person interview. I am not sure what I'll wear yet. The job is more focused on hardware.
I started Abilify. The description is funny. SSRIs do not work for me unfortunately and I still fear medication and psychiatry, but being unmedicated for so long has made me realize that it is not an option for me right now especially if I hope to go to college and get a new job and make Friends.
I want to update here regularly while on Abilify to keep track of any possible cognitive deficiencies. Yeah. Yeah.
I have Day One of my rpg maker game mostly done (I say this every week) but this time it's real. Last few times i was almost done but.. Unsatisfied. I remapped a lot of the forest and changed Mercy's starting point and I have every portrait for day one completed.
Hm.
Not the cutscenes though.
I forgot... I am realizing drawing each one is too time consuming.. I should get better at animating sprites.
Busy busy...
