pharmaceuticals, new job, migraines, etc
Posted on: 2026-04-20 01:48:00

hi. this entry will try to give some life updates.


i don't work at the fucked up evil call center anymore. it is kind of all an awful fever dream now. it makes me kind of sick to think about, but i'm free so no use in worrying! two days later, i had my first interview at the sex store and a week after that, i had my first shift.


it was really delightful! i had hands on training, i have a chair, there's a cat! and well, it's a job for an honest and true freak. it gave me inspo for more eroge LOL... i've been thinking about my daydrinking jam entry but i admittedly got more inspo from it from working there and the  horrors of my life too. still not sure i'll finish it yet though!



i dressed her during the final like ten minutes of my shift LOL


my schedule is still.. bad. i'm behind on school but it's because i have migraines all the time. i got prescribed qulipta only to get to the pharmacy and see i'd been switched to aimovig which is an injection. i certainly don't mind this but it caught me off guard. i basically was given a needle with no warning or instruction then sent home. i'm going to call my neurologist to make sure that was intentional then hopefully go to the student clinic to try it. 


it was really expensive, but i was able to widdle it down with to just $49 with savings card.. which is still too much but smiles! happens.


umm.. the pain is constant and makes doing anything or making any decision hard. it's hard to eat at all or be an organized person. i stared at my refrigerator for 20 minutes today. i want it to go away so i  can keep this job. work is constantly warding off my migraines kind of thing. i stay seated in the chair. i try to consume salty snacks. i drink water and hot tea but even by the end of my last shifts which were only 4 hours (tomorrow it will be 8), i suffered.


but it's okay. i'm not worried. i don't. care. i will happen and then it will end.



ii've  been playing tomodachi life. my current laptop doesn't  have an SD reader, s o i can't gather s creenshots from i t right n ow, b ut know i have been having much fun. right now the island is all lesbians, with the exception of Rie (who i assigned as asexual) and Sister (a stand in for myself who is also assigned as asexual)



i think  having a stand in  for yourself is fun.... i  have little desire to m ake m yself  or other IRLs in t hese simulation games 
but friends have made me which is fun. i thought i'd make a standin since the Miis talk about youu


tomorrow, i must wake up early to get a break waiver notorized, so this entry must end now. but let us hope that whenever  i start my aimovig, that my problems disappear through the power of pharmaceuticals. i also h ope to unbraid my hair soon.  return of curly hair..


i miss going  out and having fun lol. i don't know what the weather is like most days. i don't think my life has much joy at the m oment but i hope to c hange that eventually.. too poor and in pain to do anything.


see you later.



my outfit from last shift :)
machine girl, friends, and the neurologist
Posted on: 2026-04-09 04:56:00


i feel as though my life is not really in my hands due to my constant pain and the restrictions of my job. i feel not extremely present. i'm so tired. i'm so tired.  have you ever been to a beach and played in the waves? they push you back consistently. it's fun, but sometimes you can screw up. your mouth gets full of salt water or you may be surprisingly submerged. i think i'm always playing with waves, but now i'm tired. i can't seem to find the shore for some reason.


medical bills are speny. today i had a $100 copay for a neurologist appointment. i talked to mom. apparently, our insurance tried calling me one time but called her several times trying to reach me. it's kind of funny. i looked dand saw i'd gotten a call from them. i guess they called since my phone goes straight to voicemail cause of my job haha. i'm not sure why they didn't even leave a voicemail. i saw the call but i'm always to tired. everything's always closed. mom said my phone is off in the evening and i respnded with "it's off from 12:30 to 8::30pm" then she said i can call in the morning. i guess i will.


they said i may experience focal seizures. i have to get an MRI scan and EEG. it's going to be expensive. more things out of my control. i scheduled a PCP appointment + obgyn stuff too.


it'll be crazy if i have seizures cause i just do things through them and get mad at myself. everyone just thinks i'm anxious when i'm shaking which can make me feel worse because i don't shake when i'm anxious! but no one ever believes me! but the neurologist believed me. shouldn't being believed make me feel better? now i'm actually anxious! what if something's wrong? i should've prioritized it earlier.



on the bright side, recently i took a small trip to visit guts. kyou was also there and some of Guts' IRL friends. guts so nice to me. i've been stressed for along time.


it was nice gettng pictures with my friends.




the concert itself was nice. i like talking to people. i got fun pics but i'm a bit too tired to post them, but know they do exist. lustsickpuppy is basolutelty beautiful. they opened and closed. i've listened to some lustsickpuppy but not too much.


there was another opener i adored but got no videos or pics of (due to being a bit erm busy), but i ended up getting a tshirt because it made me crazy. it's my favorite kind of music for concerts, and i hadn't heard it since i was in japan in a venue like this. 


here's some pics and videos.





I generally try not to record too much at concerts. Guts has more footage I may post eventually. The other reason I didn't record is because unlike my first MG concert, I moshed basically the entire time. Guts wanted to go the center and I folowed and so did Kyou. An IRL friend of Guts was right in the center.


Last time was scary. This time I did Die LOL, but it was fun. I think I would've died without Kyou and Guts there though. At one point Kyou acted as a wall for us, and at times, I'd be carried away by  mosher. At one point Guts wrapped their arms around me to keep me from Flying Away lol. Wearing lolita is nice because it makes me very visible in these venues to my friends, so I don't disappear. LOL. Though other people.. I get awkward because people want you to push their weight. At one point I couldn't push someone so I kept moving backwards and they kept jumping backwards LOL. I ran to Guts and Kyou afterwards.


It was fun even if we all died the next day. I hope to do it again. I at one point wondered if I'd ever go to a concert again. No car, no money, stuck in poverty cycle. I often feel like I'm dying but things are slowly looking up, maybe. It's sometimes hard to tell.. But I'm trying very hard and have some plans that will hopefully improve things if they don't explode smiles.

ps. while on my trip, i went to a cat cafe for the first time. if i lived near the area, there was one i certainly would have adopted! thanks for showing me new things guts!


pss. originally the title had the word seizures in it but i worried next to the title "machine girl" it would not be good ahah