I have been very depressed and moody. So, my blog posts are always angsty. I blog slightly to keep up my streaks, but my desire is low because admittedly, talking about in depth problemsin my life does not appeal to me at the moment for a variety of reasons.

So, we will go over a lot of Ls and Ws from the past year, since we're in the final stretch. This will probably be worded in such a way that lacks some couth due to being a living corpse.

MY LS

• Quitting my job at the call center after HR ghosted me on accomodations for a month, I submitted a complaint about someone, was told I would not know about any action taken, only to be told by an ex-coworker that the person I submitted a complaint about passed away.This was all very upsetting in ways I cannot properly articulate


• Obviously, there was my breakup. We dated for a year, so she was integrated in my life in such a way that her absence was one I had to kind of explain to others. I've techically dated before, but it was kind of my first real relationship. I process emotions about all forms of ending relationships weirdly.. I felt less at the time than I do now, but I can't really talk about it very much for obvious reasons. So that is all I can say on that really.


• Being fired from the sex shop due to a failure of my own calculation and going "ok" to my manager when she confirmed she removed me from the schedule when I called her. A job I enjoyed; probably the biggest pain of the year


• All of my ADHD  migraine medication I've tried thus far making me sick or making my migraines worse


• The ADHD med, Straterra, making me so sick that I could not take it despite how helpful it was. It was basically was my last form of medication I could take to help live alongside ADHD. I didn't intend on taking it permanently, but I was hoping it could help me get back on my feet.


• Failed most of my classes after not having ever failed an entire class in my life


• Now owe local hospital $1500 for an MRI and EEG that didn't even give me results that is now being sent to collections due to not having consistent income

MIDDLE

• Moving back home, was verytired of this area despite loving it, but moving back home also has manydownsides


• New apartment. More expensive than I aspired for, but I was somewhat pressured into getting it by family because there was nowhere else for me to go, increasing my stress unfortunately.

MY WS

• Kail, Basicbean, and I formed Planet Angel Soup. We reached Glow of Honeydew for Ryona Jam then on Steam some months later!


• I handled most of the release stuff, I feel more confident releasing games on Steam in general


• Meat Girl has begun its Steam application process!


• I feel I've grown closer to all my friends as a result of all of this garbage.I've accumulated 100 hours in REPO which is a game I only play with friends. I love my pals


• Released two zines! Success! peoplereally enjoyed them


• I got a silhouette which is like a cricut but not shit. I don't have a printer yet but we're on our way to at home sticker making!


• The Lies of an Orchid Mantis (casually called Bug Girl Project) is doing much better dev wise and is being prepared for Steam next fest!


• Much of my Steam preparation has been possible due to my Patreon. It is at $100 a month right now and I am very happy and proud of that. It will likely go up and down forever, but I really am eternally grateful always


• RPG Maker Zine completion. Technically, I have two returns to handle due to , but aside from those, everyone has received their zines.

Anyways, this all has done a number on me and left me a bit scrambled. I simply.. I do desire to update my blog, but it will likely become a smaller thing. Today, I finally updated the blogs' php to match the distributed version. Now, all is thoroughly commented. I discovered a flaw (tags fuck up if there's spaces..?), but I have to fix that later.

But the main thing is, I'm trying hard to be less poor. That's basically it lol. I don't really have a lot of desire to post about my life due to trying so hard to not be poor. It's a bit soul sucking, but well, I'm okay. I'm hanging out with my friends, I'm devving, I'm making art. I'm going up and down. I think I'm going to die but not because I want to; it just seems inevitable, but I don't think my death is assured like it was in the past.

Have a lovely day!

i think past me thought i'd kill myself who knew i just would begin to fail to survivie lol.

idont even feel like venting a lot of the time. or writing my thoughts. there's just not much i can do lol. i don't wanna go home. i don't want to work. i don't want to exist. i don't want to do anything. i'd take meds but everything makes me sick.

fuck this. fuck literally everything.