Hi! Hello! I have released my Toxic Yuri Jam game. It will likely follow a similar path to Glow of Honeydew (artbook, Steam release, polish added for Steam, etc.), but for now, I am stepping back from it to avoid burning out. I am very happy! I wanted to challenge myself... To create something as good as Glow of Honeydew! I think I did. Hopefully. There are a few more coding flaws than Glow of Honeydew had; HOWEVER, this is to be expected. I know how to fix them all; it’s just a matter of not having enough time within jam constraints. Most of these issues are visual flaws that bother me.

The DLs are on site too but not the HTML5 version because I need to perform a JavaScript call to get it to work and honestly I do not really feel like programming right now. But, to that end, speaking of programming!!

ophanimkei.com can now run entirely locally. This is something I knew I was capable of doing but struggled to achieve. However, as a result of no longer using VSCode, I had to dig my hands into XAMPP. That is to say, I did use XAMPP a bit prior, but I had a plugin in VSCode that handled a lot of the details.

But now, I just go to ophanimkei.local, and it works! It was also extremely easy to set up. I feel a bit silly for having put it off for so long. In fact, I almost stopped using Notepad++ because I didn't want to deal with XAMPP myself, only to find out it's as easy as pie. Previously, I did a lot of testing on a different domain for database setup, which was fine. It’s just that it is unwieldy (I use that word a lot, huh?). Its unwieldiness resulted in me leaving errors in my code for months at a time because I didn’t feel like fixing them, lol.

There is still some setup I have to do in Apache from time to time, but it's an improvement over how I used to do things. Also, the databases are now hosted locally on my computer (and on Cpanel), which is nice. At some point, I hope to figure out automated backups, but even if I don’t, this is still extremely based.

I need it to be understood that I LOVE SQL. I say I hate SQL because I do hate SQL, but I also love her. Really, I love databases themselves. DATA. Data <3 The storing of data is important to me for many reasons, the primary one being that I experience amnesia. The reason I try to update my blog is largely to keep track of my life.

Another thing about running locally: I now have beautiful ways to manage files.

There are more demanding projects I want to take on that I don't really want available to the public. These encompass various things. For example: I want to make my own code editor for my Dialogic files, and the blog editor/logic can be easily recycled. The reason I want to create my own code editor is because I tried Obsidian and really liked it but found it to be somewhat inflexible. Now, with Apache, I can run everything in the browser.

There are a few other things about this. I feel more confident running my web development stuff locally in general now, which means that I can make my own setups for things I don't intend to upload publicly. This feels like the best news I've gotten all year.

A few weeks ago, Koinuko showed me these free URLs too, so my next big personal project is making my own development environment that's password protected! My own document management software I can access anywhere.

My desire to program is mostly personal; however, I still hope to update the public user scripts too. I recognize that many of my web development tools are useful, but I'm most excited about these hyper-niche tools I can make for myself. #Disabled

Really, this made me reflect on the things I've had to do to CONTINUE programming. I've always had to do a lot of weird stuff to make programming accessible for myself, especially as my disability has progressed. I use a lot of cute symbols in notes.txt files I give people, but it's partially because I prefer using Unicode symbols and ASCII art in my own comments to keep my code visible to myself. I used to block my code apart in giant chunks, and I still do this a little, but it's nice to have the whole Unicode library at my disposal. My love for Unicode symbols is visible in Veil of Mammillaria. Maybe someday I'll make my own font emphasizing my favorite bits of Unicode.

Technically, all letters are Unicode, but the symbols I use are usually Dingbats (AKA ✿), though I don't only use Dingbats. I’ll use any character at my disposal for readability (I find Dingbats more pleasing than emojis, but since my code editors are often very dark, I mix in ASCII and emoticons for readability. Dingbats can just be really nice because they’re easy to store in my clipboard). For a while, my databases actually didn’t have Dingbat support (the PHP did, but not the data itself).  

I still am slightly averse to using Dingbats in Ophanimkei outside of my own private notes because specific screen readers don’t handle Dingbats very well (which is kind of stupid in the year of our Lord and Savior 2026, by the way), so I didn’t really notice until I started trying to write in Japanese. Font/unicode handling varies a lot, but luckily, SQL can be made to include every kind of symbol with little effort LOL. Obviously, this information should be used wisely. I really prefer to use Font Awesome for Unicode symbol inclusion on webpages generally because the toolkit is so robust, but you know... It’s nice being able to use more things.  

Yapping yapping yapping...  

Oh yeah.

The other thing I really want to work on is my OC Archive lol. The SQL for it should be mostly fine at the moment lol. I admittedly don't have much to add other than wanting to just use it more. Generally speaking, I can quickly add things to it, do not get me wrong, but I was unable to edit the CSS in a way that I liked. My SQL archive was built to have a form to upload content too; this form inserts it into the webpage. This means you can technically add whatever HTML/CSS you want to each page. It also has a button to regenerate the old HTML, resetting it to its default state. Because I mainly could access files in Ophanimkei connected to the database via Cloudpanel, I had little desire/motivation to work with the system I made. But now, I can work on it really whenever. Feels good.

There are other miscellaneous things on my mind too, i.e., I can now upload the static version of Ophanimkei to various hosts for mirroring (I have a lot of anxiety about losing server access for various reasons, primarily poverty and fear of hospitalization at the wrong time) by just using a tool like HTTrack.

ANYWAYS. Yipping and yapping. Got lots of plans. Gonna try to make the most of everything even though my life is in shambles. I have been so depressed that it has honestly been a bit embarrassing. I do think the job I worked in for 3 months, being like.. actually structured like a prison, wasn't very helpful lol. I really.. wasn't sure I could work anywhere. I'm still not sure I can, but.. I am going to try.

I have been very depressed and moody. So, my blog posts are always angsty. I blog slightly to keep up my streaks, but my desire is low because admittedly, talking about in depth problemsin my life does not appeal to me at the moment for a variety of reasons.

So, we will go over a lot of Ls and Ws from the past year, since we're in the final stretch. This will probably be worded in such a way that lacks some couth due to being a living corpse.

MY LS

• Quitting my job at the call center after HR ghosted me on accomodations for a month, I submitted a complaint about someone, was told I would not know about any action taken, only to be told by an ex-coworker that the person I submitted a complaint about passed away.This was all very upsetting in ways I cannot properly articulate


• Obviously, there was my breakup. We dated for a year, so she was integrated in my life in such a way that her absence was one I had to kind of explain to others. I've techically dated before, but it was kind of my first real relationship. I process emotions about all forms of ending relationships weirdly.. I felt less at the time than I do now, but I can't really talk about it very much for obvious reasons. So that is all I can say on that really.


• Being fired from the sex shop due to a failure of my own calculation and going "ok" to my manager when she confirmed she removed me from the schedule when I called her. A job I enjoyed; probably the biggest pain of the year


• All of my ADHD  migraine medication I've tried thus far making me sick or making my migraines worse


• The ADHD med, Straterra, making me so sick that I could not take it despite how helpful it was. It was basically was my last form of medication I could take to help live alongside ADHD. I didn't intend on taking it permanently, but I was hoping it could help me get back on my feet.


• Failed most of my classes after not having ever failed an entire class in my life


• Now owe local hospital $1500 for an MRI and EEG that didn't even give me results that is now being sent to collections due to not having consistent income

MIDDLE

• Moving back home, was verytired of this area despite loving it, but moving back home also has manydownsides


• New apartment. More expensive than I aspired for, but I was somewhat pressured into getting it by family because there was nowhere else for me to go, increasing my stress unfortunately.

MY WS

• Kail, Basicbean, and I formed Planet Angel Soup. We reached Glow of Honeydew for Ryona Jam then on Steam some months later!


• I handled most of the release stuff, I feel more confident releasing games on Steam in general


• Meat Girl has begun its Steam application process!


• I feel I've grown closer to all my friends as a result of all of this garbage.I've accumulated 100 hours in REPO which is a game I only play with friends. I love my pals


• Released two zines! Success! peoplereally enjoyed them


• I got a silhouette which is like a cricut but not shit. I don't have a printer yet but we're on our way to at home sticker making!


• The Lies of an Orchid Mantis (casually called Bug Girl Project) is doing much better dev wise and is being prepared for Steam next fest!


• Much of my Steam preparation has been possible due to my Patreon. It is at $100 a month right now and I am very happy and proud of that. It will likely go up and down forever, but I really am eternally grateful always


• RPG Maker Zine completion. Technically, I have two returns to handle due to , but aside from those, everyone has received their zines.

Anyways, this all has done a number on me and left me a bit scrambled. I simply.. I do desire to update my blog, but it will likely become a smaller thing. Today, I finally updated the blogs' php to match the distributed version. Now, all is thoroughly commented. I discovered a flaw (tags fuck up if there's spaces..?), but I have to fix that later.

But the main thing is, I'm trying hard to be less poor. That's basically it lol. I don't really have a lot of desire to post about my life due to trying so hard to not be poor. It's a bit soul sucking, but well, I'm okay. I'm hanging out with my friends, I'm devving, I'm making art. I'm going up and down. I think I'm going to die but not because I want to; it just seems inevitable, but I don't think my death is assured like it was in the past.

Have a lovely day!

i think past me thought i'd kill myself who knew i just would begin to fail to survivie lol.

idont even feel like venting a lot of the time. or writing my thoughts. there's just not much i can do lol. i don't wanna go home. i don't want to work. i don't want to exist. i don't want to do anything. i'd take meds but everything makes me sick.

fuck this. fuck literally everything.