3:56 AM
Posted on: 2025-09-09 04:17:00


I shouldn't be up this late. I knew I was heading down a slipper slope when I opened OpenSIM at around 11PM then began to research DAE conversion, and now it's 4 and I need to be up in less than 5 hours. Now I'm writing this entry making my problems woorse.


I went out to Red Lobster today after craving it for a very long time. They had a shrimp and lobster still for $19.99 which I bought but it ended up still reaching $30 adding tips and tax. It was so frustrating to me lol. I didn't think I'd be spending $30 today. Still, I want to go back. Their menu is fun to me, and I saw a lady eating their seafood boil and it looked pretty good. 



I've never actually ordered lobster before, not on my own money anyways. I got it when it was a 'free' entree on a cruise and at restaurants, I usually ask mom for some. It was super yummy. I want to go back another Monday now.


I like the fries too and their scampi. I wanted coconut shrimp, but it's just too expensive now- especially now that they don't have shrimp your way anymore (you used to be able to get 2-3 types of shrimp around $21-$23 . i'd gourge myself). This was more satisfying in a way though. It's good to try new things- especially right now while I'm having so many food isuses.


Also, you can get coconut shrimp pretty cheaply frozen, and it tastes just as good since everyone makes it the same way. I need to go to Aldi's but money goes so fast now. It's exhausting to me, but I think I have some commissions coming.


Bla bla bla. Other misc things. Found out Itchio staff left WIILTT deindexed on purpose without alerting me and I guess chose to ignore my ticket. This is frustrating. I checked and it has be indexed for like 38+ days. To be honest, WIILTT is a project that means a lot to me, so I'm considering contacting an editor and trying to post it to Steam but this makes me anxious because I know Steam can just leave games unlisted forever. Removing the NSFW scenes just feels like a terrible decision, but NSFW has basically been removed from every platform which is annoying. Itchio really is the only platform still has NSFW games, but it's just.. annoying.


But now that I have an answer, I feel more calm generally which is crazy right? I should be enraged, but after weeks of this terrible whirlwind of emotions and stress and being near breaking point, knowing that itchio staff made the decision to hide it.. It wasn't something I did.. It has allowed me to reach some kind of inner peace. It's not something I want to happen and it brings me great sadness, but now I'm less explosive. Right now anyways. Some bullshit is gonna happen again probably that brings me to the edge again haha, but for now, I'm okay. I've been so exhausted always being on edge, but something about this state of knowing I did everything right but still being screwed over.. Feels... less.. Terrible than the nebulousness.


Anyways, hopefully Visa and Mastercard fucking explode, but if not, we will just have to see what happens. I really think I'm okay because I know I don't make a ot of eroge. I am going to port SGW and make the new episodes then move on, but it make sme anxious because my games have gore and nudity. I don't really like censoring myself, but I guess I could always add patches that are only available on my website. Smiles.



I guess that is thhe answer. Patches. Selfhosting. Trruthfully I think people should be making mass efforts to move over to selfhosting and obscuring purchases and making large listings with games hosted elsewhere/on servers. I know that we have to rely on normies to find things themselves which is why everything is algorithmic and god knows the average internet user doesn't know what a tag is but I still think this is the way. Decentralization really is the way.


Of course there's always issues regarding payments, but I simply think that those issues will exist even using sites like itchio or other sites that haven't had the hammer smacked down on them. I just sort of think society is really broken right now though, so no one will listen to me. I'm crazy. I also am anti crypto because the reason a lot of these systems exist is to protect users, but well, the erm, average user cannot use crypto and the people who push these systems often have terrible agendas.  I really just don't think flocking to another thing contnrolled by rich people is the way.



Here are some more coords from recently. I bought groceries, and they're already almost gone and I'm low on funds again. Neverending cycle. Neverending cycle.


Just want to play Silksong really, but need to play games I already own.