12.31.22 | new year's eve girlies

it's new years eve! much to think about. i read last year's entry and it was rather sour. i have many sour things i could talk about but to be quite frank, i am feeling very lazy. i wanted to make new year's art and a new year's page because it's my favorite holiday, but now it is the 31st and i doubt i will get the energy to do all i wanted.

I didn't do much of what I intended during winter break, but school left me quite exhausted. I got good grades (huzzah), did well on my JP final. I did manage to release the next part of my game to beta testers which is very nice. However, since then I have not been able to convince myself to work on it. I'm very tired lol. I also got off schedule on my meds making me even more tired. And my mom keeps making me babysit when I am awake making me even more tired. やれやれだぜ.

It's time to talk about resolutions. Last year my resolution was something along the time of stop wasting time on people who do not give me much time. Did I do this? Hm... Mostly. I screwed up with one person this year, and they burned me and my friends pretty bad on an important thing. I just really wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. I'm happy that I stuck to my principles and kept giving them chances, but I wish I hadn't been so foolish and let their attitude affect the people around me. Sigh.

This year I haven't been giving people much time at all haha! I've been a bit too disconnected.. Not responding to messages and focusing on work. Not hanging out very much. Whoopsies. I definitely prefer this over begging for people's attention though!

Anyway, it's time to make resolutions for next year. Let us begin.

Resolution Time

  1. I'd like to finish at least 75% of Ommatophilia! I actually think I'll get much farther, but I don't want to aim for the moon.
  2. Study way more. I was able to save myself studying last minute for Japanese last year, but it could've gone badly. I must study consistently
  3. Check my school email more. Self explanatory.
  4. Enter at least one game jam
  5. Spend more carefully
Lolita Goals
  1. I'd like to buy more dramatic/memorable/diverse pieces rather than sticking to bxw. Maybe I'll invest in customs from glittertale every once in a while.
  2. Invest in white shoes
  3. Save more coords and streetsnaps to my hard drive x_x I lose things so often
That's all! You might've noticed.. No website related goals! Well. Yeah. To be honest, I've been trying to tone down things on my website and just remember it's a fun side hobby. Like, I didn't feel pressure to make the New Year's page. I haven't been updating my new pages as often. I'm vibing.

In June, ophanimkei will reach its 4th year of existence, and I've been updating consistently all this time. It's been so fun! and I want to keep it fun by not expecting myself to do a lot of things for it cx. Hopefully, that's understandable. Of course, I still hope to make new pages and do new things if I have time!

I hope you have a Happy New Year. See you in 2024.

12.13.22 | exhaustion

Hi everyone!!!! Tomorrow morning I have my JP exam and need to finish up most of my online exams for my classes. I would've done it today, but I've been working since 12pm... I fell asleep earlier than I intended so didn't study as much as I wanted to. I'm burning out pretty fast but just a few more days and I'll make it.

Also, I noticed I haven't been documenting my lolita coords lately.. I used to wonder why people didn't document their coords but now I'm one of them! It's pretty tiring. I'm just lazy. I want to get dressed and leave.. I'm considering deactivating my Instagram because I just don't really see the point of posting pictures, but I feel like it's nice to document my life somewhere so I can look at how I'm progressing and the fun I've been having. I always get this itch to delete my IG after a while. Then I do it and kind of regret it lol.

I got accepted into a lolita zine which makes me happy.. I have a lot of art I need to make during winter break. And a big website commission. Woof woof. I'm just so tired. 4 more days of 24 hour coverage then I'm free and can go home. It doesn't sound like a lot when I write it that way.

I had an oral interview in JP recently and did really well, thank god. Now I just need to pass this exam. Unfortunately I didn't study as much as I would've liked, but I don't think I'll fail. I just have to.. work really hard yes. I looked over the study guide tonight and it all makes sense. I also now understand what arimasu is used for which is really important for the exam tomorrow. I would've liked to look over it more with my friend Citrus, but unfortunately my time management skills leave much to be desired.

Anyway, last thing, I'm considering getting rid of a lot of my clothes. I kind of just want to become a jfashion girly and avoid fast fashion as much as possible. I got a lot of Japanese branded stuff in the mail recently and it made me really happy. I just worry if I get rid of my fast fashion stuff, I won't have much to wear when I go home because I tend to dress a bit more safely around family rather than wearing lolita or other 90s jfashion inspired stuff. My friend suggested I get a large like trunk and just put a lot of my clothes in there. Which is appealing but there's nowhere to put a trunk in my room beccause there's so many suitcases in here. AAAA.

Anyway, I'm only awake because I got a call. RA moments. I'd like to back to sleep... so I will try to do that now...