12.8.24 | the holiday spirit
i've chilled out. lol. i mean i'm still horribly depressed but i'm not about to kill myself like i was the other day. yesterday i left my room and went to the mall with friends for christmas shopping and also went to thed ining hall. You might be thinking... Christmas shopping? With what money? My friend gave me money for Secret Santa. Aren't they sweet as pie?
i have a christmas party and final project to turn in today so yippie. leaving my room more. i actuallyshouldn't eb writing this entry and should be getting ready for the xmas party. i'll try to take pictures of what i'm wearing for the xmas party. smiles. it's more of the same since i wear tartan so much haha though i haven't worn lara's doll that much this year so mayube it will besurprising. i also technically own a christmasy white and red skirt, but i don't feel like steaming it. it's one of those thick cotton putumayo skirts. it's super cute. i could wear it with the wool jane marple cardigan with it and a white blouse and a white blow and my red andwhite socks and maybe my rocking horse shoes.. hm.
anyway, i just came here to express my hysteria as per usual. my mom gave me the option of choosing all my gifts from amazon or letting her give me money after saying she wouldn't buy things from the list i gave her due to "little time," "not knowing the shops well," and "not understanding why the shipping price is so high" (quote "That doesn't make sense! Plenty of things are from China") i thought abt it pretty hard.
my mom will give me gifts from amazon, but they tend to.. break. and i don't really wanna buy anymore things from amazon that'll break. of course there's hygeine stuff and books but i'm trying to collect rarer artbooks nowadays and like egl magazine. that's what sparks the most joy for me really,. i thought abt asking for the ghibli artbooks or the nausicaa or dragon ball box sets but.. to be honest I just don't have space for stuff like that because I live in a dorm room haha.do you know how big the dragon ball box set is? i saw it at a bookstore the other day.. crazy. toriyama was a beast (rest in peace).
i thought about it more in depth but i realized that like.. maybe i'm just too old to celebrate christmas with immediate family. then i started thinking about having a girlfriend in our own little apartment with our own tree with a beautiful rug (important). we can exchange a small amount of gifts that are really important to us without having to make a ~list~ of things that we really want. it's not really as fun if you make a list anyways. surprise is a big factor!
what a dream. living with someone and celebrating traditions with them.. having income.. i got rejected from that job where the lady said she wanted to work with me, and she hasn't responded to my messages on linkedin.. really feeling like NEET future stuck at home is getting closer...
lol. whatever. instagram gives me a lot of jobless comp sci student reels and it scares me but i try not to let it get to me.
