TITLE: one more week DATE: 07/05/2022 06:12:01 BODY: Dread…

My family got together for the 4th. This will be my last time seeing them all together before I go to college. I'm nauseated. My granny gave me a box of lotions and i almost started to cry.

It's been a day since I wrote that last paragraph. I'm watching Stranger Things for the first time. The vibes are good. It makes me want to create.

I'm feeling anxious like I'll collapse.. College is too close. I'm.. not feeling good. I get flashbacks to last year when I think about leaving.

I have to rest… Stranger things is interesting…. i wish I had something good to eat

TITLE: a week has passed DATE: 07/12/2022 14:26:43 BODY: i'm actually pretty happy :-)

my family came together before i left and talked to me. they gave me some things, like a bonnet for my braids, pajamas, underwear, a backpack. The backpack is a color I dislike, but I'm going to try to cover it in pins over time anyways.

My family stopped for a vacation in the mountains and even though we didn't do anything today because of the length of the car ride, I had a lot of fun. We laughed and talked lots. My cousin and I played pool and air hockey (both of which i was very bad at) and connect 4 (which i was good at) while listening to 2000s emo music.

I left a lot of jewelry at home and i was sad, but I have some chains, my fishnet top, my fishnets, belts, my striped sleeves, so I can still look cool my first day of school. My mom says she'll mail me my jewelry.

I'm pretty sleepy now, so I will head to bed, but today was good. I'm looking forward to the future even if i am afraid.

TITLE: 07/13/22 DATE: 07/14/2022 06:24:35 BODY: I read My Heart is a Chainsaw. It was a good read, pretty long. I even read the acknowledgments!! I felt like a child as I read, sinking into the narrative and losing track of my surroundings. My cousin called my name because I didn't notice the car had stopped, and we were at our destination. I didn't want to stop reading as we walked through the streets looking at tourist sites. Writing is so powerful.

I added it to my Goodreads, which I made a few weeks ago. It's nice to know I'm reading books again. Not sure what I'll read next. I got this book from a google drive, but I found Library Genesis recently. I'm going to grab some Fear Street books and read them I think.

Onto other things, we went on an earthquake fake subway ride and it was funny. We went through this little tunnel and there was a gorilla and some alligators. My cousin and I had no idea what was going on.

A bee chased her as we walked back to the car because she was wearing yellow which made me laugh. Next to our truck was a Nightmare Before Christmas themed car.

I also went to a jewelry shop and bought too many things. I accidentally left all my jewelry at home, so I was trying to make up for it. I bought 4 black mood rings, a leather bracelet (which I thought was a choker, and some earrings. I spent $40 like a clown.

We're heading… somewhere now? Not sure where.

Today will be my last day hanging out with my family before college tomorrow, so I need to relish all of this fun time. I slept for a while heading up the though.. Whoops…

The mountain was really fun! I forgot to mention. We drove to the top rather than hiked because it was raining today. I've got pictures!

TITLE: It’s My Special Day DATE: 07/25/2022 23:13:19 BODY:

It’s my birthday!

I haven’t updated in a while. I’ve been so busy. But, I’m 19! Isn’t that wild. Next year I’m 20, which is terrible.

I am hoping for a good year. At this moment I am in my summer class. I am kind of bored because we are talking about academic integrity which my high school was obsessed with. I’ve heard a lot of this before.

I am officially a Computing student (with a concentration in computer science!) Isn’t that exciting? I’m afraid of the math, but I am looking forward to it. It’s time to spend a horrendous amount of time studying.

Anyway, lots of things have happened. My mom took my favorite cardigan and said she’d burn it because it had a pentagram on it. I now don’t have a cardigan or jacket for school. I’ve been wearing the same hoodie everyday. I’m hoping someone sends me money so that I can buy a new cardigan- this time solid black.

I’m not sure I’ll get anything though. For my birthday we went to the mountains which was really fun and also my big gift. 


My college is in a place like this. Isn’t it beautiful? I went hiking the other day with some students and it was delightful. It hurt my legs a lot, but it was worth it.

I’ve walked across the campus several times; it now feels tiny to me. I feel somewhat trapped again, but that’s okay. I think there’s a bus system, so I’ll be able to go places in fall when I learn how the bus system works.

I have to get back to work now. Sayooonaraaaa

TITLE: Incoherent DATE: 07/30/2022 00:21:18 BODY:

I am in class. We aren’t talking about anything particularly interesting which is why I am currently typing this. Lunch is in an hour, but I’m not really hungry. I ate a big breakfast and drank chamomile tea.

I had a little breakdown last night, but I’m feel kind of normal now!!

I got more excited about my major today even though it also stresses me out. Computers!! 

Did I ever mention I got my class schedule? I don’t have it on me right now- just know I am taking pre-cal. AM I READY??? Dun duun duuuun. I have to take a lot of math and I am very excited and afraid.

Excited because I want to understand more. Afraid because I am not the best at math. I have to take up to cal II. Waahahahaa. I want to understand everything in the world but also I’m going to cryyy. I’m so excited!!!

I’m stressed and excited and sick and stressed and excited! 

I’m happy.. I’m finally not trapped in a house. I’m not stuck playing video games in my bed. I’m not working at a grocery store. I’m so happy.