TITLE: if (lifeisokay) { console.log('general life updates'); DATE: 03/13/2022 06:18:50 ----- BODY:

I have finally sat down and decided to learn JS. I'm going through the entire course on Codecademy until I get Really Bored and just jump into a project I wanna do or until I finish and decide to start with freeCodeCamp.

I heard something strange about things my ex roommate said about me.. That I am lying. I don't know why he thinks that. I did try to talk to them.... And they deleted all of it. He even deleted things without reading. What would I lie about? If I've truly done something wrong, I don't mind being told, however, I am not going to have someone yell at me about all the things I did to hurt them while having my own thoughts muted.

I don't think I'd try again or respond to anything since they deleted my emails and said such cruel things to me without bothering to acknowledge anything they said or did. I think about that relationship and.. Now I see it from an outsider's point of view. It was something I knew would end while I was in it just as violently as I expected, but now that I am outside of it, I think.. I'm overall happy that it's over.

I don't know. I'm okay now. I feel less hurt by their actions or more hurt by how having them as my best friends for the core of my development kind of warped how I view friendship and interacts with others, however, I also realize I've never been very close to the people around me and I learned a lot of lessons about what I should not tolerate and how I should behave and the importance of boundaries.. I also know what expectations I have to people who call me a best friend or a sibling. It's something I need to discuss with a friend soon but it frightens me.

I have to try my best to be normal now despite my mental illness. I need to do as much as I can and not make excuses lest I might hurt my friends they way they did me, but I also need to bring up how painful certain things are for me to avoid building resentment. And I am going to do that more often I think :'D Instead of just leaving thoughts inside.

I made a new friend and he told me that just because someone disagrees with you, it doesn't mean you are wrong.  I told my other friend I was not a fan of Doki Doki Literature Club and she agreed.  I really like Machine Girl and I had another friend laugh about it. I laughed. I told a friend I was a bit sad that we do not talk anymore, and I hope we don't drift apart but it's okay if we do and I wanted to at least try to fix it or reach out to prevent it- if it is not inevitable. I told a friend I did not like Death Note, but he liked it a lot. I thought his perspective was interesting. Maybe I'll to read it. I told him why I did not like it, but  I also hadn't seen it since I was 14.

I rebuilt my savings with my last paycheck.. iPad purchase hit me and quitting my job hit me hard but I hit back harder so summer and steam deck plans are still a Go. I have an interview for a job I really want this Wednesday I don't know if I've mentioned it here but I quit my old job. Customer service just isn't good for me. The job I'm applying for is at an IT company. There was a one way interview I did excellently on and now I look forward to the in person interview. I am not sure what I'll wear yet. The job is more focused on hardware.

I started Abilify. The description is funny.  SSRIs do not work for me unfortunately and I still fear medication and psychiatry, but being unmedicated for so long has made me realize that it is not an option for me right now especially if I hope to go to college and get a new job and make Friends.

I want to update here regularly while on Abilify to keep track of any possible cognitive deficiencies. Yeah. Yeah.

I have Day One of my rpg maker game mostly done (I say this every week) but this time it's real. Last few times i was almost done but.. Unsatisfied. I remapped a lot of the forest and changed Mercy's starting point and I have every portrait for day  one completed.


Not the cutscenes though.
I forgot... I am realizing drawing each one is too time consuming.. I should get better at animating sprites.

Busy busy...

TITLE: Regarding October DATE: 03/13/2022 09:26:30 ----- BODY:

I'm truly happy it's over and that I escaped.

TITLE: d-i-a-r-y DATE: 03/17/2022 01:43:36 ----- BODY:

abilify makes me sleepy.

i have a job interview today. very frightening.

i've been irritable lately, not related to abilify but just exasperation with the things around me. it's the result of not having a job most likely. sitting at home... i want to crawl out of my skin.

i hate people sometimes but i've just been at home for too long and when i left yesterday, abilify made me sleep all day. unfortunate.

i have my interview clothes on though, and i have lots of things i plan to bring up to make them love me! wish me luck :) !


TITLE: job things DATE: 03/17/2022 19:25:11 ----- BODY:

methinks i did well on the computer technician interview however i won't be accepting it because i'm going to college in july. I'm very frustrated that i did not find this job a year ago.. it's.. sad. i viewed the world as so hopeless a year ago when there were so many opportunities so close to me.

i wish someone had told me..

oh well. i just need to keep busy the next few months.. i will improve my JavaScript while i'm out of school. i know my irritation is just like.. three months not doing anything until i go to college. i just need to focus on learning and balancing my medication and not spending all my money. if i become desperate.. i'll figure out something


TITLE: thoughts thoughts thoughts DATE: 03/27/2022 08:47:55 ----- BODY:

abilify killed me for six days straight i went off of it!

anyway, i've made many friends recently and it's been exciting. my college dorm applications should be going in this week.. i will be rooming with a cousinw hich is nice. i'm happy to be with  another black neurodivergent person. i hope i don't bother her.

I did get called back forthe computer tech job.. was too sick to respond. I am a bit sad but.. Computer science degree here I come.

Game development is very nice. Lots of changes to the story and characters except for Angel and Charlotte of course. It makes me very happy. I did  a very big design change for Angel that no one knows about.

I rewrote Mia's story recently. I also drew her twice.. I did a lot of art today. Recovering from abilify has been great. Now I can message my doctor myself with my side effects and i know my normal baseline.

Etsy shop is eehh. The storenvy shop did better the first week as expected.I moved to etsy in hopes the search engine would help me a bit. it hasn't However i have gotten some favorites so not all hope is lost! I might order prints soon.. Increase my shop appearing in search results..

TIRED WANT TO GO.. You might hate me but it ain't no lie baby bye bye bye


TITLE: DATE: 03/27/2022 12:37:06 ----- BODY:

picked up my guitar,, it's been a really Really long time