3.29.24 | HELL (AGAIN)

Hi.I haven't slept so this won't be the best. How is everyone. What's up. I feel like garbage. Can't get myself to go to class, Japan not happening, my room is a complete mess, and I just feel awful lol. Like, I feel so low. I'll recover just find but everything is crushing me and I need to get my act together. I think my depression is getting out of hand. I don't know LOL. I want to update my website all the time but I just odn't feel like it. I've been playing guitar sometimes lately, but now my room is so messy.. It's hard to do anything when my room is this bad.

I don't know if I'm just lazy or what. My mom thinks i'm behind on everything because I just don't want to do it. Or I'm burned out. It's cool that she became a psychiatric nurse practioner and just.. doesn't... help. LOL. She seems to think I wanted a diagnoses from her, but she hasn't even acknowledged the diagnoses I already have lol. I expect nothing from her.. Yet I call and ask for her help Sorry, let me not turn this into a mom rant.

Second Life doesn't run better for me on Linux by the way. I get way more crashes in firestorm. I might try Alchemy viewer.

What else? I went to a con. Got some fun pictures. I should really.. post them somewhere. The idea of getting them from my phone and putting them on my computer feels like so much effort for a diary entry, but I'm being silly. Here. We go.

I twinned with my friend Robin and wore my goblin OP the next day. I was actually twinning with Robin day 2 too originally but I felt so bad in the OP I was wearing.. I put it up for sell during the con and changed into cat gobe.

I wish I had energy. I'm so tired. Just adding those images made me tired. I hate being this low physically and emotionally. I should talk more about the con. Yes. Yes.

I bought vocaloid stickers for my sisters. My youngest sister has grown a fascination with vocaloid. Yay. My other sister.. Well, she tends to like whatever I like (haha), so I think she'll like the stickers too. I also got a gift for Io. I'm going to mail it to her very soon :3 probably when the post office opens back up.

Hmmm.. Other things. I played Second Life today.

Bunny's got a new look! I've getting really invested in Second Life again due to my personal life being such a mess. I realize that gif doesn't show her look very well. Here:

She's just so cute! Ah.. Now that I don't have to pinch pennies every paycheck to pay for Japan, I'll be able to get some more lolita. I found this absolutely wonderful Chinese Indie Brand called Kuno Noku. Beautiful pieces- reminiscient of Moi Meme Moitie but actually attainable for someone who doesn't have money.

Anything else? Well. I'd like to get back updating ophanimkei.com. I've just been.. Tired. I've got pages in mind. I'm writing essay about Regular Show though I feel as though my observations in the essay are pretty obvious but maybe people will enjoy it. I don't know.I'm trying. I've been listening to albums but not feeling like updating my music review page. I want to make a new Second Life so baad or revive my old one, but I ma just so busy and tired. And I just feel like all creativity is drained or put into other things.

Like, I got accepted into this zine hosted by the artist UFOSHOCK, s1m, and the time for most zines has been much shorter than I'm used to, but for some reason I decided to make a four piece series for it and it's due in two days. I'm about 45% done with the entire thing. It's. A lot, but I think it will be worth it. I want to bring my best foot forward.

I won't show wips or anything because I don't what I'll change. Second comp still being worked on though it's getting closer to finished. Yeah. Yeah. I'm excited to have my art in a physical project by an artist like UFOSHOCK. I'm really honored. I'm smiling. Which is why I'm pushing myself so hard.

Anyway, I think.. I will get dressed or something. I don't know. I'm scared to leave my room. I don't want anyone to see me after avoiding direct contact with anyone for days haha. hahaa hahahaa. haaahaahaa. But also, staying in my messy room will make me go insane. Maybe i'll go in the woods. Oh, I went in the woods the other day and I was paranoid about bears. It's my mom's fault. I actually recorded a vlog while I was out there to comfort myself. Maybe I'll post it to YouTube for giggles. I probably won't. But maybe.


I've been learning Demolition Lovers on guitar. I want to go out here when I get good and record myself playing. It'd be so nice. It'd be so nice.

3.8.24 | HELL

Hi everyone. Also a month since I updated my diary. Isn't that messed up? Am I becoming less chronically online? Yes. This is not of my own volition. College is killing me. I had to drop a class for the first time in my college career. The class is Computer Organization. I looked at my grade for the first exam and ralized it wasn't worth taking it right now.

Japanese is getting harder (still fun). Spring Break is next week, but it looks like I'll be chipping away at schoolwork for most of it.

I've made the decision to fix my sleeping schedule or try my best to which is another reason I'm updating less often. Updating my site is very difficult with my busy schedule. My schedule this year seems busier than ever before. I was forced to drop a class only to replace it with Women's Gender and Sexuality Studies (it's a gen ed). It kind of feels like a Tumblr class. It reminds me of blogs I'd read when I was 13. Don't tell my mom I'm taking it lol. Apparently, it's a pretty hard class which makes sense. It's compressed into the last seven weeks of the semester.. It'll be fine though. (That's my mantra for surviving work.)

Despite all the work I'm constantly assigned to, I've been trying to keep up with game development and other things. I switched to Linux (though I still have a Windows 11 partition.) This was a decision I made after OneDrive fucked up all of my files. I could not see any previews, and my institution of learning decreased the amount of OneDrive storage from 1TB to 100GB. This makes OneDrive virtually useless to me as a chronic data hoarder. I also kept getting ads on Windows and it was so buggy. RPG Maker MV even had issues running on it. Finally, I am free.

I'm using Debian 12. I will show you my rice.

don't make fun of me for lain background it was the first one i found and i can't find a prettier one!!

I've been rambling about it to everyone I come in contact with. Announcing happily that I am now a "Debian girl" and revealing my autism to everyone who sits down for a moment. This is annoying, but I don't really care lol. I'm having fun. I love customization and I feel as though I haven't really lost much by switching. I set aside 150GB for Windows and the rest for Linux though honestly i feel like I could've moved Windows down to way less. I was just.. worried one day I'd want to play a 100GB Windows only MMO for a week. I could put it on my external HDD but that's kind of a pain.

Anyway, what else? Ommatophilia was updated. It is now playable in browser. Exciting. My Figure Zine released and the ophazines twitter account reached 500 followers. My dear friend Io is now a member of the team and will be helping with the next zine (thank you so much!). What she will be helping with is going to be a secret until probably August.

Hmm.. I need to update the links on my site and fix all the JavaScript or just get rid of it.. Idk.. Ugh. I need to revive my Second Life page to. I found out you can make a database from an image folder with PHP, so.. Second Life Page is going to be PHP now. When will I work on that? I'm not.. sure.. I'm just so busy.. It could be done next week.. It could be done in three months..

It feels a bit sad neglecting my website as it is my one true love, but I am happy that I added the fediverse status page as it makes it look like I'm updating regularly lol. Microblogging is easier than opening VSC and writing a long post. Though now that I have my linux partition up and running and I have dropped Computer Org, maybe I'll have more time. I'm not sure. I've been devoting myself to game development also. I want to work on my game as much as possible next week.

Other updates.. I made some long blog post on RPGMaker.cafe about not wanting to post art as much because of my devotion to projects (games, zines, website, you know). I've been accepted into a pretty big project by an artist I've admired for a while which is exciting. I don't have long to work on the art for it though so I need to obsessively chip away at it during spring break lol. Not sure I'll have much time afterwards. I also want to make something I'm proud of. I'm technically in one thing that has a physical release but I hate the piece I made so much that I considered not even asking for a copy. But I realized I could give it to my sisters if I end up being unable to look at it.

Hmm.. anything else notable? Thinking.. Thinking. My website is much smaller on Linux.. For some reason. So I might be updating everything to responsive sizes soon. Maybe. If I'm not lazy... To be honest, I've just been zooming in. But I need to update to responsive sizes for larger monitors anyways. i'm just laaazyy. Gay and lazy.


Conejobeat happened. I recorded the entire thing. The video isn't public yet because I'm in the process of covering all of my conversations lol (I really should've kept my my conversations in one spot on the screen, but I didn't really want to worry about that and was focused on having fun). I haven't been playing Second Life as much so it was nice to see everyone again. I heard it runs better on Linux, so I should test it extensively soon.

I feel like I'm just saying random words to pad out the word length now, so I guess I should bid you adieu, reader (if anyone is still reading.) Play Ommatophilia if you want!!!