Hello hello! Today, I will be talking about my basic history with lolita fashion.. This isn't really a page explaining what lolita fashion is or the rules or what any of it means. For that, I point you to this wikipedia page and this tumblr about.

I first discovered lolita in middle school. I can't recall exactly how. I remember looking at prom dresses in my youth and telling my mom I wanted to wear something like that everyday, and she told me that was for formal occasions only. I kept searching for a fashion like that.. Maybe I found lolita fashion through a random tumblr search, or maybe I found it while going through some place like Gothic Charm School. It's been too long. I just know I fell in love.

I watched the early YouTubers (a la lovely lor, pixielocks, more i can't remember), and I learned so much about the fashion, but I knew there was no way I could convince my family to let me wear it. They wouldn't let me wear goth fashion because it was demonic to them- I didn't want to hear about what they had to say about a misunderstood subculture originating from Japan.

I researched privately and eventually came upon her.
It was love at first sight and really shaped my tastes for years to come. The simpleness of it.. The a-line shape... The collar. I sought this out in clothes for a long time as I jumped from fashion to fashion looking for something my family would accept while also hoping for the best. I saw many replicas of Nameless Poem, and I'd always recognize them. This "basic" goth dress that many goth companies sold- I recognized her. And I could never betray her.

I met many people over the years who were into lolita though I long gave up on ever being able to have or afford it for a while.. Or even own it around my family.

There's a lot of miscallaneous stuff here. A little obsession with modesty, my obsession with gothic fashion making me see mana-sama as my lord and savior, reblogs of pages from Gothic Lolita Bible, following artists who drew lolita, etc etc. It never really left my mind. It was just a gradual acceptance of me having no reason to wear this fashion.. No reason to buy it.

My family warmed up to me being goth after a series of events occured that resulted in them loosening their reigns on me a bit. I thought of lolita, but didn't buy it when I had a job (regretfully). The long shipping times disturbed me, and I felt as though I had managed to get my family to accept one of my weirder interests. There was no reason to push farther.

And then I went to a convention when I was 19, and saw a beautiful girl in a gothic lolita coord. I felt all the childish wonder from whe I was 12 bubble up in my heart, and I excitedly acclaimed something along the lines of "Wow you're a lolita! I love lolita fashion."

She gave me the links to sites I'd long since forgotten about (bodyline and lacemarket). I saved them in my phone and waddled away. Of course, I didn't buy either of these things. I'd spent most of my money on convention stuff, and I'd long since quit my awful job at that point.

A few months pass....

My friend Io begins talking about lolita fashion frequently, and we chatter at each other. She buys her first lolita dress from Taobao and I am ectastic. I consider doing the same thing, and eventually, I get some money. I tell her I'm considering buying my dream dress, but not sure because it's a bit pricy. She encourages me, and I spend a few days worrying about measurements, scouring for other lolitas comments on the subject, and finally buy a medium (and worry extensively about it being too big).

It takes months to arrive. I find a local lolita community in the area surrounding my college. I'm excited. Maybe my dress will be here by the first meetup? It definitely will be. I ordered 3 months in advance.

Well.. 3 months later.

It's a week before the meetup. I've given up on the dress. I get a text from USPS saying nmy dress is shipping. I assume it's going to take a few days. It arrives in my college town night of. I run to the post office before class and try it on. I'm twenty minutes late, but I'm so happy I don't care. It's her! Nameless Poem. It doesn't feel real. It can't be real. I check the tags. it's real. I snap the collar on. I spin around. I spin and I spin and I spin.

I was overjoyed, but also I now had to clammer to get my coord ready for the meet. I worried about a headdress and decided I'd settle on ribbons or two round white hairties. I was excited and worried and spilled my thoughts and excitement to every lolita I know (thanks Fox for all the advice you offered!). Luckily as a goth, I had some other accessories that suited the dress well. I'll be showing my coord at the end of this entry.

The day arrived. I woke up a bit late and showed up to the meetup 30 minutes late. They were sitting and talking in a room, and they were all so nice. I learned a lot of things I didn't know. I met a lolita who was really nice. He owns a dress I now really want. I met one of the mods of the group, and she was lovely. We went outside to take pictures, and they helped me pose. At one point we all lied on the ground like we were in a glue trap, and they posted it to the embarrassing behavior thread in the discord server.

I had so much fun. I was so happy. We talked about future meets. We might go to an amusement park together later this year. I'm ectastic..Things are going so well you know?

I should comment that was all earlier today. It's 11:53 now. I parted from the group around 7pm and lied in bed, my head full of thoughts about the day I'd had. I decided I need to make a page immediately to solidify this moment.

I definitely want to add more here over time, but for now, I just want to share my joy. Thank you for listening to me ramble. I"ll clean this page up in a little bit. I have a lot I want to say about the fashion, but I'm pretty tired now.