A:

The reapers have a lot of structures / practices similar to militaries of various empires so sort of. There are parallels that I certainly did intentionally. Military complexes are in many civilizations.. though most of the wars are long over, so these organizations tend to have different and more abstract purposes than our equivalents.

Some people think of them as janitors while others view them as unruly enforcers. Lots of views on them truly.

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Adelaide and Aiyana's relationship is very special to me. It's something that some people who are close to me even struggle to understand the writing of (and I often refuse to explain LOL), but I like them.. Mentally ill together. Get better then reconnect. Continue to be painful in ways but still love one another and try to give each other the benefit of the doubt. Comforting.

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Very cute site ^^ It is nostalgic. Putting who you've blocked is entertaining and mess in a way I enjoy and also makes me nostalgic.

The credit for the decoration should not go to me though! My collections page is a collection of pixel adopts and things. The original links are accessible via clicking the underlined links (for cliques) or the images themselves for individual artists ^^ 

Regarding your questions, everything inspires my art.. especially anything that interests me.. Technology, denpa, radios, relationships between others.. Art is just a way for me to process the world so everything I intake goes into it. 

I have some asks about this under art style and art that are a bit more specific I think!!! It's hard to think about since.. I just.. output whatever I think about. Sometimes I draw a piece about..c old weather.. but no one knows it's about cold weather but me.. 

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An exhaustive list would be difficult to compile though trust me, I actually did try and ended up closing all my windows LOL. 

Normal Lindsay is an Australian artist who drew erotica (frequently featuring pagan elements) and made children's books. His history is interesting especially in the context of how erotica is viewed now. He disturbed many Australian Christians haha. I truly admire his outlook on art. 

Range Murata has very beautfiul designs. I own.. almost all of his trading figures from and I enjoy his artwork. I don't like anything he makes now lol, but I have Last Exile on DVD just because he's the lead character designer. I'd love to own his old artbooks. His diesel punk designs very much inspire me.. I wish he'd make interesting things again but he has schoolgirl brainworms now (in a similar vein I love Otsushi Okhubo but he also has a tendency to fall to the schoolgirl brainrot)

Kira Imai is another artist who sparks joy. I enjoy her older artworks more generally but I like everything she makes. Collecting it is enjoyable. I know she's in the Angelic Pretty mines but I wish she'd draw for other brands too. I want her to go back to drawing things other than modern sweet even if I do enjoy it.

Lastly I will put Junji Ito which is a basic answer but I will say something unique. I enjoy his oil paintings. His watercolors are nice too. The online scans I don't think do any of his paintings justice and well, a lot of it actually isn't archived online despite being in art books. This is because people are interested his manga which I do also enjoy. Uzumaki is one of my favorite works ever (along with Tomie), but I think one reason he is reknown is because of the beauty of his linework.. His paitnings can often be loose which I enjoy but his layered paintings make me insane.

I went to his exhibit so do believe my devotion is good and true.

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I would live in Shimeji Simulation haha.

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Yes this is not addressed in the original script but might be eventually. Adelaide helped Aiyana with a lot of her wardrobe. She likely still wears random lolita pieces but just not in a way that is lolita, you know? Like, she still wears capes and cardigans. She probably still has full OPs and JSKs in her possession, but she is most comfortable in formless clothing.

A:

Aiyana feels discomfort around her behavior being pathologized and feels this is common in psychiatry. She also.. doesn't.. care for a lot of it.  She doesn't feel like a lot of psychiatric stuff benefits her in  anyway..

She's somewhat averse people in the field as a whole with Adelaide being an exception due to Adelaide primarily helping her with things that make her seem independent in the Eyes of the Law. But her distaste is also likely influenced by knowing Adelaide.

A:

red bean buns! i actually find most desserts to be too sweet to be enjoyable for casually eating which means most are just find for a bite or two or i eat them to be polite.. <-- which is kind of funny cause i just made a heart shaped brownie HAHA.. my Valentine's date is tomorrow and my friend let me borrow a heart shaped tin...

it's actually a thing where i go to bakeries and make baked goods but people don't.. know.. why Because i don't like them very much!! but i find them cute and i love the smell!! i spent my bday at a bakery and i can enjoy a small dessert!!!

(when i go to the bakery that just opened in my home city, i like to get milk bread!! they don't have red bean buns though just red bean mochi!!!)

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Thank you ^^ Haha, this makes me happy.. Oversharing on the internet- I do it to provide hope and so other mentally ill people can see a mentally ill person online and in a way to have some kind of legacy... I like to go to old websites of queer people and read their zines and things.. It's one reason try to be very transparent! It's also nice cause I have dissociaive amnesia and it comes and goes in intensity.. My website and artwork is a nice way to have some kind of catalogue/archive of my life..

"Parasocial" now has a bad connotation because it's used to just define someone being overly invested/creepy to another person (which is fair in the social media era), but it is very normal for humans to have one sided relationships with people they enjoy the works of.. I also follow people and love to see them grow and be happy. So please do not worry! I make my works to be shared and engaged with.. I often assume most of my writings are so self indulgent people won't care for them too much.. so it really means a lot to me that you have been cheeringn me on..

It's very hard being a minority and struggling with the things viewed as tickets to success (school, work, deadlines, etc) especially when you have an awareness that if you had the same capabilities as your peers, you'd be much better off.. But you know. It's good not to be harsh on yourself! Despair is awful. I used to sink into it, but well, you know, it's very hard to win.. Life is very unfair. You may try very hard and things can still fail. The probability for success for most things is low and when you lose, it hurts very badly. It hurts a lot.. But once you do it over and over, it's easier to cope with those feelings.. To be sad from something not working out is painful but so is giving into despair ^^ Constantly failing at my aspirations hurt a lot and it still hurts.. Sometimes for a long time, but then I get back up and try againn!!!! Haha.. like that one trolls song..

Your location can make things very hard though.. But do know I am cheering you on ^^ And wishing you so much happiness. Things have been hard for humans for a long time, centuries.. thousands of years.. But humans still recognize the importane of love and beauty and make art!!!!!  When I sink into despair, I think of humans of the past!! And I try!! I keep trying!!! Because, why not, you know!!

A:

grls

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Far too much to give a satisfactory answer. I have a page on my site that generates my top albums for the last three months using lastfm.

Lately I listen to Within the Depths of a Darkened Forest by Autumn's Grey Solace a lot though.. And like, for several years now I've been listening to Gregory and the Hawk for dozens of hours every year. I also consistently love Death Grips and Machine Girl. I don't listen as much as I used to because of my migraines but both bands have ambient tracks I still return to all the time.. I love Fashion Week.

To be honest, I get embarrassed about my music tastes LOL.... but my lastfm doesn't lie.

A:

Hehe I love Aseroe I think they're very cute and they have no idea. It was fun redoing their sprites for the current version of Squid Girl World because I like how they look now.

Regarding their wings, it has to do with where they're from, but they're averse to discussing anything related to it though other characters can figure it out sometimes.. Aseroe just.. will not discuss it even they know someone else has realized.

A:

yay! daughters. i hadn't drawn them together being tender in so long.. was fun.. drew during breakfast with friends ^^

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I love Nettle. I excited for when he comes back (SOON). He'll be in some more episodes... Nettle would probably get along with Adelaide. Adelaide likes masculine lesbians in general and finds them useful, and she'd appreciate his strong convictions. Nettle likes other prickly people. It's something he respects and they'd probably be really Mean To Other People LOL.

Things about him. He has his own ship and he loves it much like Aseroe loved theirs but he likes his to a greater extent. Much of his behavior is based around morality which is one reason he doesn't care for kindness. He thinks kindness is expressed not through niceties or pleasantries but actual acts of good.

They seperated probably mutually because of basic incompatability. Nettle lives a life likely focused on ethical duties while Sepia lives a life focused on hedonism. Nettle struggles to tolerate this mindset in a longterm romantic partner, but Sepia gets agitated from any sort of tension.

They're still friendly for this reason lol. They both are (mostly) mature people who recognize that they just have different core beliefs on how to exist, and they probably were still intimate at times before Aseroe's arrival LOL. Not every time Nettle checked on Sepia but surely sometimes.. Sepia.. Sighs.. 

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SMILES. I feel like I don't read or watch enough to confidently answer this, but know it's something I'm working on! 

BOOKS

• Convenience Store Woman - This book makes me insane. The most popular critique I see of it is regarding its prose but I just feel like it really suits the story and the protagonist. It also just makes it an easy read. I think I got through it in a few hours. I enjoy.. prose. It's nice.. I read a lot of things with simple prose because I can get through it in an afternoon.
• My Heart is a Chainsaw - it's hard for me to like horror but i really love this and I hope to read its sequel and another work by the author called No Good Indians. it captures the weird girl in small southern town well. beautiful southern gothic
• Their Eyes Were Watching God - This is a book I've read a few times from the Harlem Renaissance. It is considered a classic of that era and Hurston's best work... 7 It takes place right after slavery and is about a mixed woman, the way she is viewed as a 'sexual being,' her acceptance of this, and her goal to find her own happiness. It's so good and so agonizing IT'S SOO GOOOD it's my favorite book and thinking about is literally making me cry LOL...
  • Zora Neale Hurston died in obscurity in an unmarked grave. Her grave was found and I'd truly like to visit and leave her flowers.  So many creators die in obscurity- their work never found. In a way, Their Eyes Were Watching God is about a life full of love that will never be known by others. I hope somewhere she's out there and knows. I love you I love you I love you.
• Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine - This protagonist kind of.. changed my perspective on writing things in a way that is hard to explain. I really like Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine. It's described as dark humor but to me it's a bit horrific but it also does make me laugh so I guess it fills out both. I want people are schizo-spec or have the 'weird girl autism' that actually scares people to read this book
• Fear Street - Okay so,  these aren't favorite books plot wise but you know, I like gore and slocky stuff, and Fear Street books are nice to just get through. It's the same appeal of a Lifetime movie or old slashers LOL. For context, this is just like Goosebumps for teenagers. It's all focused on one street. I have been reading them since I was 12. There are over 100 of them and I tend to forget the Twist, so I like to go back to them randomly. I own a bunch of them because I collected them when I was a kid.

I don't have any favorite authors yet but I want to read more by Zora Neale Hurston and Stephen Graham Jones (the author of My Heart is a Chainsaw). My current job allows books in the breakroom, so I think I will try to collect some physicals again.

MOVIES

• Ikiru (1952) - A classic movie about the government bureacracy. Has one of the most unique actors I've ever seen. I watched it with Zed and Kail and we talked for so long about it afterwards. I've drawn that man and I hate the drawing but he is so striking. And that movie makes me cry so hard. It's considered one of the best movies of all time and honestly for good reason.
• Kamikaze Girls (2004) - Lolita movie that is significant to the subculture and the original text is yuri. It is special to me. Lolita is so hard to define beause it is just clothes but the way I feel about lolita is so accurately described and the protagonist.. so many lolitas who are devoted to the culture relate to her in a variety of ways. It's just clothes, but if you really love it, it goes beyond that. Also, I've always been interested in girl gangs... The author of Kamikaze Girls is a bit strange but his devotion to the subculture cannot be overstated.
• Helter Skelter (2012) - Fashion movie with one of the most beautiful actors I've ever seen. It reminds me of Tomie. This movie is very stressful. I watched it with friends not knowing it was That way, but I am happy we did because we were all horrified together.
• Paprika - Dream terrorism. By the director of Perfect Blue and to me it is far superior but unfortunately it's just the 'crazy anime movie' in the West. It's very inspiring to me.. So sooo beautiful, so many amazing concepts, and THE SOUNDTRACK AND AAAH. 
• Whisper of the Heart - One of my favorite movies and my favorite Ghibli movie. I think about the Director's early passing and it hurts really bad. I also enjoy the spin off- The Cat Returns. Whisper of the Heart is a movie that is special.. I show it to many of my loved ones on slow days.
• Repo! The Genetic Opera - Drug market.... Love market. FETISH GOTH MOVIE. IF IT'D BEEN SUCCESSFUL THE WORLD WOULD BE CHANGED.. It's could be considered a bit camp but also genuinely good to me in many ways.. I unfortunately LOVE musicals but hate most of them. REPO is perfect.

My favorite directors are Jordan Peele and Ari Aster and my favorite movies by them are Us and Midsommar. I like everything the two make so I felt it'd be weird to not mention them. They are such unique movies. I can't just sit down and watch them but I think of them all the time.

None of these are yuri. I'm so sorry.

A:

i hope to extend Ommatophilia and it will go more into this but you know LIFE, but do know i'm ALSO working on a random side project that goes more into it (it's not an RPG maker game and not a VN or a traditional game lol.. it's literally just a JavaScript project it uses no engine..). 

i keep meaning to finish it for jams then going to hell.. maybe noise jam or mixed media... i even have art contributions for it.. but with those contributions it makes it even  easier to put it off.. bc i wanna ask more people lol but i never ask people until i remember to LOL.

EDIT: I REALIZED I DIDN'T REALLY ANSWER THIS. I'VE DECIDED TO PUT IT IN MY FAQ

A:

It's the lyrics.. Sucre does not want to listen to that particular song, but the other songs Snow listens to are likely like this even if they're not all by Tom Lehrer.

I imagine her listening to one other song in particular he absolutely can't stand but I won't say what it is because I hope to include it in a future episode someday. It was in the original draft but So Long, Mom just feels really good there for a variety of reasons.

A:

I decided to read Narcissu 1 today since it's free on Steam and I knew I could read it in a sitting and wanted to consume Something before bed ^^ 

I enjoyed it though it took me a moment. I enjoy stories about illness and finding happiness despite being ill.. I talked about it with Spiral Egg somewhere I think but I'm surrounded by illness... Illness goes unseen. It's something you feel as though you can't discuss with people because you know.. It's so heavy ^^

It's one reason I love those works.. It reminds me people know the ill exist, and lately in life I've gotten better at talking about the chronic illness and death that is following me.. If people talk about it or make more works about it.. it makes ill people feel more human, and I hope it makes their loved ones treat them in a more human way.

I mean.. TERMINAL ILLNESS SUCKS. But removing the agency of the ill and their loved ones is so common.. And then.. you just become.. someone who is ill.. or the friend with a loved one who has cancer or something.. I think of my grandad. I think so many people who knew him at the end of his life just thought of him as someone who had dementia, but you know ^^ 

The tension between the protagonist and deuteragonist is pleasant to me.. And I enjoyed the ending and their progression. There's this trope I love.. when I think about it, I call it the end of the world. It often involves chronically ill people or people running from the law or some other things.. It is not the actual end of the world.. but it is the end of your world. Much can happen. A lot of these stories raise the stakes quickly, but I liked... the melancholia of this story and it's slowness...

HAHA. Anyways that is to say- I really liked it!!! It's also menhera to me and I'm always looking for media like that. Thank you for mentioning it here and for being so kind about my own work.. I hope to read 2!!! Soon!! 

A:

I wish I recalled ^^; But it's just.. one of a million JP fetish eroge that romanticizes abuse without much substance. Boring and uncomfortable with no reward. I'd feel bad naming it though I'm sure I could find it easily.. It is just.. another work that writes mentally ill women/lesbians in a way that makes me roll my eyes haha.

I'm really happy you liked Spiral Egg Challenge! i'm reading a VN rn and it also reminds me of Spiral Egg.. i love.. works with focuses on sickness. As I play this VN (Narcissus), the music reminds me of Dog Island. it's a game i played as a child with a large focus on sickness too..

A:

Aseroe probably was confused and perturbed about Sucre's treatment of them, but it's because Sucre clocked that Aseroe had autism very quickly for reasons and well.. The way Sucre treats Aseroe extends to many aspects of their relationship, so it's something they enjoy from Sucre in particular but they dislike being babied by others.. But Sucre is good at allowing that not to happen.

Sucre distanced himself for a variety of reasons but the main reason is because he was doing other things LOL and Snow lowered in his priorities as time passed, especially after they broke up. Sucre spends the most time with his partners or doing other things related to romance and intimacy because of the kind of person he is, even without Aseroe at times. He's basically always romantic and touchy feely, but it feels awkward to do this with someone who is very emotional about you... 

He still deeply cared for Snow though, but .. He and Snow grew up together then went straight to Reaper Training, so post training, you know.. he wanted to live his life haha.

he's one of my favorite characters... squid girl world is one of my favorite works to write even if it is in constant state of wip.. thanks for the question!!

A:

I like every HC charatcer honestly. I enjoy Vincent quite a bit. He reminds of my middle school self and as I get older, I find people who communicate in a similar way to him... The things I dislike about Vincent as a person are the reasons I like him... In that I don't think I'd like him very much if I encountered him even outside of the cult things.

Charles is my true favorite Hello Charlotte character. I also love Anri. She is nothing like me LOL, but I've known people like her and have been in similar situations to her and Charles. They are so high school. Can you tell I enjoy Heaven's Gate? I think that's when they are most high school, but even outside of HG, I like all of them.. I enjoy that the HC characters feel like.. Vessels the same way I feel about characters as a whole. It means the way I feel about them ends up a bit.. abstract because of how they exist in the HC universe.

I don't remember Bennet super well. I don't recall much extended time being spent with him. He's in Etherane's new work (in progress) right, so I think I may stronger feelings there possibly? I love Felix though. I enjoy him... I enjoyed him more as my sisters and cousins aged with me. His entire character reminds me of that awkward time you have when your family members reach an age where they may choose to distance themselves from you but there's still love there.

The way he acts around Charlotte reminds me of the distance you end up getting with loved ones when they discover something about you like queerness or mental illness.. he's good. I really like the tenants of the House because they are locked to The House in a way other characters in world Are Not.., My favorite tenant is Aiden. He is very special to me even though no one talks about him ever.

With shipping, I view it as a fandom activity. It is what they do, and well, fandom activities tend to keep works alive for years, so I don't hate them.. I'm sure many people who do that are the reason artists can thrive.. It is just somewhat seperate from me. Shipping is not something I do very often because my romantic feelings and detection skills tend to be like.... In the abyss. I can't even detect actual romance in works at times. I also don't know anything about the shipping in HC.... My interactions with other HC fans have primarily been with people who kin the characters.

Etherane's other works I enjoy. I really enjoy playing everything Etherane makes. People sometimes say playing HC is not fun at all but it's a DELIGHT FOR ME 99% OF THE TIME. 

I've played all of them, but did not finish Delirium (though I could if I really wanted to. i say i love HC games but I don't like running around mazes with things I can't see in the dark and that's at the end of that game). I didn't get the true ending of twc which means I have no strong feelings because I don't what was happening LOL, but I did enjoy TWC I just.. never went back for the true ending because I didn't really know it existed since I played it Right After It Released and didn't know other etherane fans.. But I really did like the art and would like to go back to it..

I love Mr. Rainer's Secret Solve It Service- I remember playing it and thinking it was one of Etherane's best. That work is crazy to me in scale, and it's a nice balance of Etherane's strange game design and writing which I think TWC lacked...

I must admit unfortunately.. have amnesia HAHA. I've played HC since I played MRSIS so I remember it very well but MRSIS is actually.. harder to recall. I had an open save when I was trying to replay MRSIS on my Steam Deck but unfortunately my Steam Deck needs to be repaired...But it's an HTML5 file.. I could play it on my ipad... Thank u for sending this ask I now have something to keep me busy on the Bus.

Despite my amnesia, I remember feeligns I had at the time and talking a lot about MRSIS.. I replayed HC because it was my foggiest memory and it's talked about so much and I wanted to be able to talk about it with other people who liked it... it was also the most approachable since the endings are.. easy to obtain *looks at MRSIS*

A:

HAHAHAAHAHAAHA. Well.

I don't try to have any strong feelings about kinlists. I am not particularly fond of them but it's mainly because I consume media in a different way and I was on Tumblr when kin and adjacent drama was was insane and I was unfortunately there.

I still form strong attachments to characters too, but I just think that's normal because characters  are vessels for an writers/artists' ideas.... And since I think of them as vessels which is the opposite of.. Kinning. I've sort of always had this belief but it's easy to want to own characters and Be them. It's something I try not to think about.. Psychosis.

But do know many of my close friends have kinlists or even fully ID as characters and I don't give a fuck lolll. I respect it and may send them art of characters they ID with since I sometimes like those characters too.. It's scary to me partially though because kinnies (and also yumes) sometimes feel ownership over a character so I don't want them in the same spaces at times LOL but I can't control that LOL. It's something I can understand as a mentally ill person but something I can't really entertain.

(ALSO IM NGL I WAS IN A FINAL FANTASY HOUSE ASS SITUATION WITH SOME REALLY INSANE PEOPLE.. SO I THINK MY BIAS AGAINST IT IS A BIT............................. JUST KNOW I WAS THERE. I WAS IN THE DARK...)

 

A:

I want to say it's hard to answer, but it is not. My favorite Vocaloid songs are mostly contained within Happiness Series, and this has been the case for probably over a decade now.

It tends to rotate between everything in that series (excluding Not a Dream, Not a Lie, a Happy Scene Before My Eyes and You're Seriously Mad? I'm Not Mistaken Here but I do like them.. just not in my favorite rotation).

A:

I haven't, but the reason is because whenever I look up FNS, there are guides for how to consume it...  I think I have an old FNS Ultimate Edition on my drive, but I think it's older fan translation that released before the official translation.. and the fan translation I was recommended not to read.. I know there's an official release now... But... The ultimate edition has some things not in the official release.... sighs..

With things I dislike in VNs, I just find a lot of toxicity boring... Outright disdain of toxicity is boring, outright fetishism is boring, and outright romanticism is often boring too... I will read it in manga but in VNs it can really annoy me.. They are so much longer. There was a VN really popular in my spheres I hated.. People assumed it was because it made me uncomfortable which it did, but I also found it boring. The things that make me uncomfortable I don't read I usually find boring... There is a way women can be written that bores me but it is hard to explain, but it's common in Japanese works... eroge... Sighs...

It's hard for me to talk about tropes I dislike since many of my peers like tropes I like, and I will read their works and enjoy them despite them containing things I am not fond of... But the things I dislike Kunihiko Ikuhara also dislikes. I love Revolutionary Girl Utena (anime).

A:

of course ^^ maybe if you email me i'll give you my playlist haha!! i'm really happy it made your day!!!!

A:

Smiles.. I'm happy to bring joy.

I do wish I had a method, but really, mm.. My characters may start out empty but they develop. Writing and development is my favorite part of creation. Even the designs, while they are cute girls, all have like.. reasons / things I think about.

IE. Aiyana was originally going to be a lolita, but I just kept thinking her design would make her small.. Tear dropped shaped. I thought of her as modest girl... Instead of big curls I usually give characters, I gave her long braids to add to her.. smallness. Her hoops are there because I associate them with the South ahah, but I gave her layers because I think she's most comfortable in them. I wanted to figure out how she lived but didn't think she was on government assistance. Translation culture was interesting to me at the time and it allowed for her to work from home.. 

I cut out the fat... I really love writing families but there's no room, so I tend to imply it, but you know, it's in my mind, how their family resulted in them behaving as they aged.. The way people feel about affection often influenced by family dynamics. It's on my mind a lot..

Mm and I like to make inspo boards too.. Though with WIILTT I didn't make too many. I listened to a lot of maidcore haha... I just kept thinking of Aiyana's and Emma's life as endless droning.. So I'd make these big melancholic maidcore lists....

That is just one example though ^^ 

A:

There's a possibiltiy Eleanor would think Aiyana hates her because Aiyana dislikes talking and Eleanor is not sure how to cope with that... Also same, with Aiyana. Eleanor can come as standoffish but she isn't actually.

They'd also probably be awkward around one another.. Like, if everyone leaves the room, they'd just be looking at each other LOL. They communicate so differently.

Aiyana would probably get along better with Calliope in a one on one scenario... Eleanor is hard to talk to.. She has a very narrow range of interests. I do like to think about specific scenarios with them though.. Menhera homebound girls meet up and everyone suffers.

 

A:

Smiles.. lesbianism.

Well, Eva thinks Adelaide is very hot for one. LOL. She loves being with this tall mean frilly woman. She likely thought Adelaide was attractive for a very long time, and she clued in on Adelaide's deal very quickly because she is good at that sorrt of thing. She finds Adelaide's constant self exertion to be an attractive thing even if she wishes she'd cool off. She really LOVES when Adelaide asks for her help. To have someone who is so focused on being independent rely on and love her makes her insane. She enjoys getting to know Eva, and she also likes being around her. A lot of the things that'd be turn offs for others like her harshness end up making Eva crazy because she's just.. She REALLY LIKES IT. 

Adelaide would likely struggle to identify why she likes Eva, but if she really were pushed (or drunk), she'd probably say she likes how self assured she is... Adelaide finds Eva attractive too.. She probably finds her a bit dollish. It's why she wants to dress her up and put her in cute things.. She'd put Eva in a doll house if she could. But she likes that Eva is still.. her own person. She also likes that Eva can Do Tasks.. Adelaide finds a Useful Lesbian to be the most attractive kind of girl. Adelaide, most of all, enjoys that Eva is willingly hers. Even if she pushes Eva away, Evangeline is so loyal... 

Emma would think everything about Aiyana is cute because she's programmed to in a way lol, but you know, she'd learn to find certain things about her cute. She'd likely like their size difference, but she'd like if Aiyana gained weight to.. Emma would always be stronger than Aiyana because of her Robot Body... She thinks Aiyana's focus on media and consumption/distribution of it is cute. She likes her tone of speaking.. calm steady.. She likes her cute nightgowns and her willingness to do most things.

Aiyana... hm. Aiyana would struggle to articulate what she likes about Emma- likely focusing on her reliability. She'd be flustered if asked about Emma's appearance but admit she does find her attractive but doesn't think about those things... She'd maybe describe Emma as cute.. in that she sings in the kitchen and acts like a cat, but she'd feel weird about it since Emma is a robot. But you know, she very much likes a lot of Emma's physical traits.

Calliope likes that Eleanor is a fucking weirdo- she even likes her mental instability even if it causes problems. Eleanor is a very like.. Intense person and it's something Calliope likes very much. A lot of things Eleanor inteprets as being bad about herself are things Calliope adores. She also thinks Eleanor is very attractive.

Eleanor likes.. Calliope.. She likes how smart she is.. And she feels like Calliope is a calming presence.. She finds her pretty too, in a way she admires. She feels like Calliope is a whole developed person. She's charming and good at making friends, yet Cali chose Eleanor.. And she continues to choose her over and over again. 

Eleanor and Calliope are on very similar wavelengths too.. They are similar people who are into fucked up jokes and talking shit about others lol. I said earlier they wouldn't consider a lot ita but the thing is if they both saw something they disliked, they'd hold their tongue and then go talk shit in a restroom somewhere.. They're MESSYYYY. And they love it. I don't think Eleanor realizes the extent that Calliope is like her but she knows she does love when they are together. 

These are simple... Yuri.

A:

I make them!! OMG.. HAHA. RPG Maker is my true love. I just got really into VNs I needed to.. Think. (I worked on an RPG Maker game called Ommatophilia for four years and I still feel like it's not finished LOL).

My most popular game is Meat Girl which is an RPG Maker game ^^

My game I'll be working on after Ryona Jam is an RPG Maker game! To be honest, my goal is to shift back to RPG Maker games and mainly work on Squid Girl World as my VN project.. Um, I mainly post about plans on Patreon so it's hard to know what I'm doing.. SNS is not super viable for posting game dev before it's in a state of making people go "wow this looks cool" and I still figuring out basic stuff.

Also with RPG Maker I have to sit.. I like VNRPGs like Meat Girl but I enjoy random mechanics you can include in RPG maker..  I like to use them for storytelling but it requires thought.

My RPG Maker games thus far are:

• Ommatophilia
• Meat Girl
• Dreaming Network (Collab YNFG)

I am currently working on my bug game! Mixed Media jam starts tomorrow, so I'm going to be working on it for that! I have a job now so I am mainly focusing on polishing my old games and this longer(ish) project. I consider Ommatophilia to be finished but it needs a side story.. Meat Girl I'm thinking about porting to MZ for mac builds.. And I work on DreamNet every year for the Dream Diary Jam.

Mixed Media Jam is from February to June and it's quite low stakes since it's not a competition and allows prior work so I am looking forward to it ^^ I haven't worked with existing tiles before ^^ I've mainly been trying to figure out the style before the jam.. I gonna go crazy after me and friends are done with Ryona!!

A:

For a second I was confused then I realized you were talking about Dorei-San!! Dorei-San is not my OC. Dorei is a Nijiura Maid! Umm, so is the girl with her in that image- Yakui-san. They are just.. old Japanese imageboard characters. Dorei-san's origins are not holy since she really is just a racism/dark skinned joke, but I am fond of her. Yakui-san is not holy due to being drug joke but she has retained popularity. They have anotherfrined who is a sexually provocative sentient corpse who I think is still drawn but not on the same level as Yakui.

They are like mascots so you can really just assign personalities to them. Dorei-San is typically depicted as being hardworking and friends with other unacceptable/offensive maids (ie the corpse up top is used for hot dead woman jokes). She's also friends with Yakui who I like a bit more since she has a personality that I can work with.

I have a Patreon ramble about her but I will compress.. People do not draw her because of the dark skinned slave joke.. but... I just get sad. I mean I know it's a shitty joke but shrugs, I mean.. I don't get why erasing her existence or not acknowleding it is the way to go.. So I like to repurpose her.. 

A lot of old art of her is from anonymous users on imageboards.. But a lot of the other maids are still drawn or used in things like maidcore.. So it's my personal mission to revive Dorei-San... I am bad at this mission though. I collect art of her where I can.. Find her on boorus, pixiv, old imageboard image reuploads, etc. I still need to draw her more myself though.. Maybe I should make a shrine to spread my gospel..

In way I feel like I am reclaiming her~ Sure she was a dark skinned slave joke but.. Many ancestors were.. enslaved maids... So it feels a bit good to draw her and flip her over in my head.. She's drawn so infrequently and often differently that I can really just draw her however I want.. I'm still figuring out the ideal way.. Here is an old image board drawing I like but know she has other depictions too. She varies a lot.

A:

Honestly.... Probably lesbianism. Adelaide likes Aiyana's appearance and general demeanor even if she isn't keenly aware of it. The girls she deems as special are people who display 'otherness' in a way that's hard for her to understand and it's something she finds herself drawn to.. Aiyana is visibly mentally ill and always isolated.. it appealed to her at the time.

I don't have drawings of Aiyana and Adelaide together..  So many things to make... 

 

A:

Vivienne and Maya met normal style. LOL. I genuinely think they just ran into each other in a public space like a grocery store or something and was like "another alternative girl.. lesbian time" and then got to know each other from there. I like to think Maya ran into Vivienne working at a grocery store and detected her alt girl swag even while she was toned down for work.

Their relationship probably just became romantic rather than the two ever properly making things official.. Communication skills of slime. They rely on mutual understanding gained through time spent together but forget about the power of Using Your Words.

A:

I haven't read this one so into my list!!! I'm going to include manga and manwha ^^

My favorite yuri in high school was Sweet Blue Flowers which I want to reread because I think it'll be fascinating with all I know about yuri historically now,  but as an adult, my favorite yuri manga is Shimeji Simulation probably.

My favorite 18+ one is Sadistic Beauty: Epilogue (Sadistic  Beauty: Oejeon A). I didn't read the main story lol. I like that manga for a wide variety of reasons.. 

It takes a lot for me to really like things. I read a lot just for fun that doesn't end up being a favorite but I still think about.. I enjoyed Anata ni Ai wo Anata ni Hana wo a lot which is a short NSFW doujin I found soulful. I like it's set up of scenes and the delicacy of the intimacy and when they choose to engage or not engage in it. The art is also cute.. Elves.

Jjaksarangeul Kkeunnaeneun Bangbeop (How to End  an Unrequited Love) is one I also enjoyed which is about a girl who has failed in love over and over lol.. The side stories are fun if I remember correctly. I remember it pissing me off then I went "oh.." I should reread it.

Other things could be considered 'technically yuri' but are not classed as that in genre.. like I love Inside Mari.. Yokohoma Kaidahsi Kikou is also one of my favorite manga which is not yuri but probably is on a yuri list somewhere (who would've fucking guessed i love that manga LOL). 

I have a media page but haven't set up my filters yet, so it's messy right now and full of my cringe.. It may be of interest.. But well, I haven't been tracking everything i read there because I treat manga like I'm stuffing my face full of popcorn at times. GUH. It makes me mad. 

Too many things I didn't track because it was short... Enraging. Why that dev would shut everything down with no way to export your stuff in a CSV or anything is beyond me but closes my eyes... Whatever. It is my fault for not putting everything on MyAniList..

 

A:

Humans ar esilly and petty and this includes me. Envy is a very strong and real emotion for me. I haven't dated many people, but my friendships tend to be very strong and intense longlasting things I may end for the same reason romantic relationships end.. 

With envy, I try not to pay any mind, but this has gotten easier with years of practice.I do not keep up with people I disconnect from (which to me is the good and holy way), so I never know how they are doing, but you know, due to the nature of being online, it is easy to see others randomly... I will get anxious or envious at the worst of times, but... I feel cheesy saying this but I tend to practice mindfulness and other DBT techniques.

But early on, I can feel really bad. I have to go back to basics because being 'calm' is no longer my default. I do things to remind myself I'm a a whole defined person who exists uniquely. It's much easier, but it took a while to reach that point of doing it naturally. I had to practice through everything.. Throuugh every insecure thought, through my despair, through sleep deprivation.. 

But you know, coping doesn't get rid of envy!!! It's an emotion you feel and emotions are never reaosnable. It'll be uncomfortable even as you work through it and painful, but honestly, I'm somone who sits with my feelings... Sticking hands in them, lathering self in them if I can't get rid of them.

Breakups are hard and inspire lots of feelings.. Pushing them down won't help.. But know it's not shameful to hangout with friends and tell them about breakup struggles or just do something fun. Yapping and laughter is good medicine! It can feel petty to talk about your partner, but the best thing to keep in mind is you're not gossiping or talking shit, just explainining your feelings to a friend you want to support you

But being alone good too.. I listen to a lot of music about envy... It ends up being petty, but humans are just creatures. Sometimes you have to be silly. Sharing my playlist would be embarrassing but some songs I like are I Can Only Be Me by Mars Argo and smiles.. I like female rappers like Meghan the Stallion a lot.. Songs like Hiss and Her. Also like, Options by Eeimaj... It can make me focus more on myself when doing an activity, and liek.. all of those woman are cooler and prettier than me LOL, but you know,  a lot of these lyrics are about being unbothered and loving themselves but they're writing about hatred they're experiencing.. So it's not shameful to feel jealousy or envy.. But use it to boost your own ego!! Even if it's temporary and to not ler yourself get swallowed by the envy.. And you know HAHA maybe you won't like the music I like, but a lot of that sort of thing exists in all genres (god.. especially emo music lol).. That's just what works for me when I'm like.. Trying to focus more on myself!

And of course, it's good to not reflect on others all the time since you don't wanna think of them when you're doing something good for yourself (like stopping smoking ^^ congratulations that's awesome. or working out- that's great too, congrats! i don't care why you did it but i'm happy it's a journey you're taking! your college journey is entirely different from your partners' too so i hope you enjoy it). Chances are you find some joy in these things you are envious of. If you workout, do you enjoy it? Do you have a favorite thing you do? Have you looked into people in fitness you'd like? If you stopped smoking, do you tell your friends about it? Do they celebrate with you? Do you keep track of your  own milestones? Unless you stop these hobbies, you will likely still think of your ex sometimes..  it's hard to rid associations. Bt like, maybe you can go somewhere and hangout and think about the smell of smoke not being on your clothes... or maybe fitness will allow oyu to get into new activities! I play Just Dance and hike lol but you know.. all the people who introduced me to fitness don't do that stuff at all! 

And honestly, with all of that, I may still feel those feelings.. But sometimes, I tell myself I am not.. Fake it til you make it.. It may not be the best early on but you know.. It's kind of double edged sword in that at times, for me, telling myself I'm unbothered can result in rumination, so like, don't do that if that's a huge problem LOL, but for me all of the above is sort of.. A path to the unbothered feeling.. Focusing on self, having fun with friends, being best self.. Choosing happiness.. It is a mantra of being unbothered but it truly is "choosing" it to me, even if it's a choice you are actively making that you can't do perfectly. You

Hope that wasn't soo silly and made sense haha! Envy is weird feeling. I'v'e had to deal with it my entire life and really only got better at it in my 20s! 

 

A:

My VNs are in fictional locations, so America is not real! I like to mix and match stuff for that reason especially like bus announcements or putting Northern plants in Southern inspired towns!

A:

HA! ^^ Calliope and Adelaide and Eleanor are weird cause I'm an old schooler and even modern lolita I draw with old tastes, but I do think they'd enjoy modern EGL too- I just have things I prefer to draw. Calliope specifically would enjoy prints a lot. They'd all agree Metamorphose is very good. 

Eleanor and Adelaide would enjoy Marble, N+ah, and Sheglit.. They have similar tastes and most of their conversations likely revolved around new releases. Adelaide is a bit more OTT than Eleanor but they still have so much overlap. They probbly still randomly see a major release and message each other haha... Eleanor in all caps and Adelaide with restrained excitement.

Adelaide would also enjoy OTT solid releases from Angelic like Strawberry Shortcake OP, but she'd prefer things liek Metamorphose, Physical Drop, and likely things like Elizabeth OP by Baby. She enjoys big skirts.

Calliope would enjoy Angelic Pretty (naturally), but she'd also like a lot of sweet taobao brands that I can't name because I don't wear Sweet. Calliope has the most diverse taste of the girls. She'd wear gothic and shiro too. 

Adelaide would not like brands like Majoh, but Eleanor would. I think Adelaide would dislike a lot of the street CN lolita while Eleanor would enjoy it.. Adelaide would enjoy seeing Eleanor in it and probably have her idea of lolita expanded upon by Eleanor's edginess at times.. Eleanor likes guro and punky stuff and bends rules a lot.

I think all three expand each other's minds and things they don't like they end up liking on each other.. They'd probably only consider someone not learning about lolita and making bad coords with no respect for the fashion 'ita.' They are lifestylers so they've all worn mid coords and have filler pieces.. To them it's just clothes.. 

Though Adelaide is a bit weird about it after college.. As she ages, she likely goes more OTT and gets more refined (though she's just a girl so she can't be perfect everyday, but looking off really disturbs her). She likely views more dramatic lolita as suitable for someone her age.. but Eleanor and Calliope are very open to being casual and wearing things like proto.. Adelaide would probably be into it too if she were still around Calliope and Eleanor. Adelaide is probably the only lolita in her town (or at least the only lifestyler).

A:

Eleanor drops out haha. She never gets her degree but she goes back to college for a while. But she ends up focusing on herself and freedom.. She fails her classes, so she does lose her scholarships and have to stop attending. She lives though.

Cali and Eleanor met online probably on something like Tumblr as teenagers. Eleanor and Calliope likely have many struggles.. I hope to make a sidestory discussing Calliope within the next year or so in the 'final' version of RehAIbilitation that addresses Cali's burnout properly and how the two deal with it.

i miss them..

A:

Adelaide is harsh on everyone and expects most people to do "good" work... but Adelaide has weird feelings about Emma since she partially contributed to her existence. She's irritated that Aiyana isn't 'progressing' but she doesn't see Emma as a complete failure because Aiyana has a job and is looking healthy and mostly happy.. 

But Adelaide feels disturbed by Aiyana still.. Her eating habits, her lack of friends, her homebody tendencies, etc... She wishes Emma would push Aiyana further.. But of course, she knows she shouldn't give suggestions to Emma now ^^;

A:

Aiyana avoids human counterparts because she does not want to have much on her record, and she also will just shut down. Eleanor likely gets to a point of seeming 'okay' with her therapists or just not knowing what to talk about and then breaks off.. 

And regarding AI, I have very specific feelings about AI as someone who hates openAI and Midjourney but does enjoy LLM technology when hosted on a small scale (locally usually but i'm also not averse to a company hosting it).

I'm at a point where I genuinely don't think it's possible to have an AI do anything therapeutic Officially because therapists often don't even know what they're doing and are learning over time as they get to know their patient.. It's just that people are more likely to open up to something that is Not alive, so I don't think its use cases are completely out of the question. But the problem is you need to have safeguards for the average user, but when someone is opening up to a machine and they encounter these safeguards, they have a tendency to break them or spiral.

AI is constantly being used to generate new information but really to me it should be locked to behaving in certain ways with very specific focuses.  IE having a person talk to an AI and having that be routed to an actual Human who can do something With That Data makes sense to me. To me a lot of problems in the psychiatric field atm are due to a lack of data that could easily be gathered.. I am especially interested in cases of personality disorders and schizophrenia because they are so hard to treat but also it seems like so little information exists for them... Patients refuse to open up about anything a lot of the time due to the nature of these disorders, but I think people with PDs and schizo-spec disorders would be more receptive to someone who is Not alive, but I also think it could make everything worse haha.

It'd require a kind of interdisciplinary crossover I'm not sure is possible with Silicon Valley being full of idiots and everyone hates AI now (for good reason.. thinks about anime girls pouring slog into my home city.. closes my eyes).

But I'll.. always like Local LLM stuff... The most popular use for AI is roleplay for context and that's how the hobby started.. It's just.. now it's being used for Google which is stupid.

But well, the reason I am not sure is because of the casees where OpenAI starts to give the user psychosis or convinces them to commit suicide. AI gets so weird because of the black box problem. Even the people who make these models including local ones don't know the internal workings delicately.. It's why I am just not sure.. most people should have access to it you know? Even if a model existed for therapeutic uses, I just feel like the two fields (CompSci / Psych) would ever be able to.. work compatibly.. Cross-disciplinary work is very hard.

Fun fact: AMA is based on the simple publicly accessible LLMs made in early days  (when RehAIbilitation was made) where they were mostly predictive and said reasonable but comforting things with very strict safeguards while Emma is based on the LLMs that are so large that they just straight up break. She has safeguards to avoid sending user into psychosis or schizophrenia but one way LLM models break also is just by getting too horny so it was funny to write with Emma..

A:

I like Adelaide :) Adelaide is not a trustworthy person to describe her own life due to the conflict of appearing to have a high ego while having a low self esteem. She believes her life has been good because she has been able to live self-suffienciently, but Aiyana is the opposite of everything Adelaide aspires to have for herself. This to Adelaide means Aiyana's life was worse because she failed to become a functioning adult capable of making decisions for herself. 

Despite Adelaide's desire to be self sufficient, she is a very tired woman because she is constantly chasing self-suffiency.. She is envious of Aiyana having a house left to her and Aiyana's ability to just not participate in life.. while Adelaide feels like she must keep working, making stressful decisions, and keep pushing herself harder. She is constantly uncomfortable and stressed, hence her tendency to drink. She knows some aspects of her life are dysfunctional but she cannot identify how to fix it due to many of her problems being core parts of her personality, so she copes. Adelaide especially struggles with a lack of empathy.. She can understand other emotions from an objective viewpoint but she cannot.. feel them. But she also desires to not be a bad person despite knowing she can be cruel and at times sharp.

Regarding her family, Adelaide's relationship with her family.. is.. Like.. Her family had children to raise them to be functioning members of society. She keeps in contact with them and vice versa because it is useful. Everyone in her family views the family dynamic as one that is useful. You can always go back to family if everything goes wrong. She does not like relying on them but she knows if she needs to, she can. Her family has similar feelings about her. They'd probably be okay borrowing money from each other. They are all very reliable people, but they are not very friendly with one another outside of basic pleasantries. Her house had problems (ie the lack of emotional availability amongst everyone), but she'd never describe it as traumatic or abusive.

For this reason, Adelaide struggles to wrap her head around Aiyana's feelings about her mom and will listen with her eyebrows furrowed and with a frown. Even though she can't empathize, she recognizes why Aiyana is the way that she is, and her understanding of Aiyana increased during their time apart due to her degree and leaving her small town.... She does not want to involve herself a lot of the time, but she also does not think life is fair, so she doesn't mind helping Aiyana in unfair ways (ie giving Aiyana paperwork that describes her as being higher functioning than she is.)

To add on, Adelaide loves Aiyana very much. She does not want to help Aiyana, but she will if she feels like its a problem Aiyana cannot solve on her own. There are not many people Adelaide loves, and Aiyana is one of them. Even in their time apart, she thought about her and Aiyana influenced Adelaide's life choices in many ways...

For other notes, there are a few things that could've happened to Aiyana. It depends on if Aiyana would allow her family to easily take her things or if she got into a legal battle.. Her family is bad, but they do not express a desire to outright harm her- it's just their own desires tend to push Aiyana to the wayside. They would not leave her homeless, but she would not live an easy life either. Chances are she'd end up with some family members with some kind of guardian or in a home for disabled people. No one in her family would want to take care of Aiyana, but being her guardian would give them access to her resources and you know.. They want to take care of dead relative's disabled daughter in an abstract way. Keeping her in their house and doing the bare minimum or putting her in a home would be enough for them.

Regarding friendships, Adelaide is Aiyana's only friend (well not including Eva and Emma), but Aiyana did have acquiantances.. She was isolated but saw her family from time to time before her mother's death and the guardianship issues.. Adelaide doesn't like being her only friend but can't fix it, and she doesn't feel like she has room to talk. Her own friendships are usually born out of necessity or proximity, and they tend to fizzle out over time.. She gets along with other mentally ill women mostly, hence her continuing to be in contact with Calliope and Eleanor... Also she likes T4T friendships, but she just doesn't have anyone like that in her hometown...

A:

WRROW that's crazy.. 2022 that's the year after I graduated high school HAHA. It's crazy to me that anyone from back then still is aware of me, especially since I left Neocities ^^; I assumed no one from there was keeping up with me outside of friends. Thank you for thinking I'm creative and fun!!!

I have a few game and other media recommendations in my likes but it's never harmful to recommend more ^^ I will just do lots of random ones that come to mind but try not to repeat myself!

RECOMMENDATIONS ABYSS (SOME R 18+)

• Play of Wire - This is a game by Slitherbop who as the coolest and most awesome art on Earth. I think about it a lot. It's a game I really adore though I do like everything by Slitherbop so I recommend checking out all of it honestly. Slitherbop makes many things I Want to make. Just really impressive work. MY TOP RECOMMENDATION OF THIS POST!
• Paradoxical Heat - I recently realized I don't talk about Paradoxical Heat enough. Paradoxical Heat is what one first place in the jam Meat Girl was in (Meat Girl won second!) Annd honestly, Paradoxical Heat is so great. The developer also made Tresspasser for the RoRo jam which I also recommend. I think I like it more than Paradoxical Heat maybe? Perhaps I am biased because Tresspasser more recently!
• DYSFUTUR3.5 - This is another RoRo entry that made me insane. I actually struggled to get into it at first HAHA but now I think about it more than probably any other entry in the jam. I am still playing and reading entries though!!!
• Weird and Unfortunate Things Are Happening - I never finished this game because I lost my save on my old hard drive and the flashing gives me headaches BUT IW AS RIGHT AT THE END. I think about it all the time. It does rely on random encounters which can be agonizing but if you are RPG Maker Pilled, you can enjoy! I want to finish it because it's just so interesting to me!
• (18+) Lovely Lonely Apparition - By same dev of Mechanical Relations. So good that thinking about it makes me throw up. I think about it often.. All the characters.. Blue...
• (18+) Terminal Shell - Digital pets! Another RoRo entry. The art style is very pleasant and it's about a subject frequently on my mind (digital pets and people's continous attempts to recreate and break them)
• (18+) Mechanical Relations - I recommend this because I really enjoy short episodic things and if you are one of the 5 people in the world who enjoy Squid Girl World, you may also enjoy the format of Mech Relations!! They aren't super similar in content but.. I love bite sized episodes.. Right now there's 2. Get in now!!!!

There's lots of things I wanna play and have forgotten to mention here too!!!!! Honestly looking through jam pages is awesome. We just hosted Robotic Romance(RoRo)!! It's not all games because I'm trying to get into more mixed media jams but honestly i'd say give all of it a try!!! Some of my favorite non game entries I've read so far are Sparkfish and Ahodori!

THANKS FOR ASKING!!!! 

 

A:

It sparks joy to answer. I think about them a lot. I think Aiyana's mother tried very hard to raise Aiyana. They really did love each other very much, but Aiyana's mom was just raising a severely low functioning girl alone without a support network. She also had her own obsessive tendencies and wanted to avoid Aiyana making the same mistakes she did.

She likely picked and preened at her all the time. She wanted to keep Aiyana well read, keep her safe, clean, and most of all, she wanted her daughter to have some kind of legacy (hence the house stuff). Their relationship was likely defined by the two not wanting to fail the other but while also over relying on each other for any kind of support.

They were both home bodies. Aiyana's mom worked from home due to chronic illness. The two likely had no privacy.. No locked door household. Their life outside of perfectionism and preening was defined by doing normal things with too much closeness while not changing as Aiyana's aged. She probably never stopped bathing Aiyana or cooking for her, and she kept child locks on a lot of things... Aiyana's mother took care of everything that could be an issue leaving Aiyana lacking basic skills. 

Aiyana also likely had to help her mom a lot as her illness progressed. Aiyana's mom wouldn't know about Adelaide because she was so caught up in her stress whether or not Aiyana told her. To Aiyana's mom, anyone at school was 'a little school friend.' Their relationship became defined by the two talking at each other but not really listening.. So Aiyana probably tried to tell her..

When Aiyana realized she was a lesbian, she probably became more tightlipped about Adelaide's existence because she's bad at keeping secrets... But her mom never asked either... I don't think Aiyana's mother ever was outwardly homophobic around Aiyana, but she raised her with a focus on her relationship with men and being safe from them, especially since Aiyana has a neurodevelopmental disorder. I don't think Aiyana knew how her Mom would react to her sexuality deviating from how she'd been raised, so it was something she never shared with her.

Aiyana probably tries hard not to think about her mother extensively. She likely fixated on her way too much in a way that makes her feel shameful, but she also wishes she could've had the chance to grow with her mom and like.. Have a normal relationship. Maybe her mother could've been at her wedding. Maybe she would've recovered if she went to the doctor... She wonders about what could've been.

A:

No! But I am happy you asked. I imagine it's because of her headwrap. Aiyana's headwrap is purely ornamental in nature- likely having religious significance further back in her lineage but becoming ornamental for the youth in her culture. 

For Aiyana in particular, she likely struggled with doing her hair when she was younger. The headscarf acted as an easy way to style her hair while also being culturally significant to her. She likely stopped wearning them at some point after her mother died, but she's not averse to them.. But she has Emma to help her do her hair all the time! 

(That is to say, I do think people in Aiyana's family are still religious, but she was a bit isolated)

A:

i'd like to! i like dolls as inanimate objects a lot. in, Ib i enjoy them and mad father too even though mad father wasn't particular unique with its depiction... i also liked Bokura no Ai wa Kimochi Warui a lot when i was reading it.. though that was ages ago ahaha! the first few chapters inspired me at the time.

in truth, i have strange feelings about dolls. it is hard for me to think about toys because i think of souls being attached to objects, and many toys ultimately get disposed of or broken. the toys i had in childhood that i no longer have i still think about it can distress me...

there's this song called breaking things into pieces and it is how i feel (in an abstract way). i haven't written about them yet because that feeling was so horrific to me..

but i actually got over that fear this year even if those feelings are still strong for me and i love toys again! when i love things, i begin to write about them. and i love toys. dolls are my favorite!

A:

I actually don't know if this has been asked in relation to me Starting to dev ahaha! RPG Maker has been a special interest since the early RPG horror blew up, but I recognize a lot of the classic titles would be a boring answer, so I'll go into some detail for later in life.

At age 16(?), I played Hello Charlotte which as probably a huge catalyst for me going back to game development. It's technically in that category of RPG Maker horror about a strange girl but it's story is told in a unique way and goes more towards VNRPG (visual novel rpg) than a lot of the classics did. That format is like drugs to me. 

I also played the 8:11 demo, and that game really motivated me.. I at some point befriended the developer and seeing his work style did something to my brain.. He developed maps in a similar way to me but he works on a larger scale and it's hard for me to wrap my head around. I played a lot of indie games on itchio to get my brain into gear really though 8:11 is the most memorable after all this time. It day 2 of Omma HAHA. I really like churches in games now though. I see they are in many RPGs.

Um regarding visual novels, a lot of the VNs that inspired me are no longer publicly available on the internet, but one in particular is Liar Liar by tokimekiwaku. It's structure and styled inspired the first VN I made in high school. Obviously I don't make stuff like that right now but I'm still fond of choose your path horror stuff. 

It took me a while to really figure out my voice as I developed VNs cause I had taken a break from writing longform fiction because of depression and my art focus in HS, but I certainly took inspo from HeartLovePowerTemple and many other VNs released for other jams I partook in early on (ie I love Spiral Egg Challenge and it's use of art and real life images of cooking and the topics really resonate with me). I like the designs and names in Spiral Egg Challenge a lot (I think about Fabric Johnson all the time). It winning VNCup menat a lot to me for reasons that are hard to articulate. For something to resonate with me so much in the way that it did and also win.. It gave me a confidence to continue to be true to myself... It means more to me than I can probably ever properly articulate..

Really, with VNCup and other jams like that, a lot of VNs released in the events I enjoy are focused on messy relationships between girls which I like.. I enjoy things that blur the line between general toxicity and abuse and also sometimes people are just mentally ill but not outright harmful towards their friends but have the potential to be if in another situation. So yummy.

Also, denpa as a whole. I've always sort of liked it before I knew that term, but I learned about it in my teens. I still think I take inspiration from Song of Saya (VNDB) even after all this time (despite my habit of making fun of Urobochi at times). It certainly will inspire me forever whether or not I choose to talk about it. It was the first denpa VN I read and it did something to me. The sound direction, visuals, and (some) of the character designs really do a lot to me... It's a VN I'd never want to make myself but echoes of it resound in my tastes forever.

But I do prefer things like Soundless (VNDB) which I've talked about over and over so I will spare details... It is admittedly hard to define denpa as a genre and not going to lie, I actually don't care that much about the true definition because the legacy of those works are seen throughout the other works I love very much BUT visual novels (and other mediums) that fit in that category are quite special to me.. Even if I haven't written a released an denpa work myself yet haha! 

(While I'm here.. I should gather Fabric's sprites.. Top tier design truly)..

A:

Thank you!! I relally appreciate it!!! 

Anyone can link me with the buttons!!! I made them before I had friends on the small web even!! And not everyone I have linked is my friend either!!

TLDR: yes using my buttons is encouraged!!

A:

Ah hi, thank you so much. This really means a lot to me.. RehAI and WIILTT are both stories that are dear to me. It's nice knowing people read them, even as RehAI and WIILTT ages. All of my works are special to me, but lolita focused yuri in these slice-of-life situations feels very good. It's my soul in a novel in a way-  my essence distilled.

I hope to not disappoint! Though if I do, I hope you give me the chance to make it up to you ^^

One day I hope to get emojis of my daughters...

A:

Yes do as you like. You are free to share it with me in my guestbook if you want

A:

No. The game industry is really bad. It requires secrecy because it's full of developers who can be fired at any moment. All some developers have in that industry is the ability to program things that are difficult to make from scratch- to have their code be readily available would not benefit them in an industry that is so cut throat. 

I think it would be nice if more indie devs did, but even then, that mindset trickles down. So many indies will never make a living wage on their games and to release their code would allow people with a lot more resources to profit off of their work. We know companies with more money wouldn't hesitate to use a devs' code in the worst way possible. This is an unnerving feeling.

It's unfortunate and a reason I actually struggle with getting into Godot and things. So much code just isn't readily available like in other engines I like. Much must be built from scratch or using plugins that may have issues that you can't figure out how to solve while in RPG maker, there's often a million plugins for one different thing.

It's why I asked Basicbean's help with the dollmaker template. I think Godot is really convenient but there's just not many resources for it and most artists Aren't programmers and don't have time or patience to be programmers. And I love games by people who lean more towards the art side/writing than the developer side.. It's why engines like RPG Maker are everlasting too.. Works for artists in a way many game engines don't. 

I don't think the above is good or anything. The game industry is a beast and artists (and programmers in art industries) have to try hard to protect their jobs due to constantly being abused by people in power, especially with all the cases of developers being fired right after a game releases only for the project / base code to be handed other people who are less skilled. So many of my favorite games have been ruined by this practice too because a good skeleton still requires meat.

It's worse because now the game industry and other art industries are benefitting off the work of artists they refuse to hire or even acknowledge the existance of with giant AI things that scrape every little thing on the internet. Things have the potential to change but.. smiles, I think a lot of AAA corporations have to die and more avenues need to exist for game developers to earn revenue (IE Itchio being really the only place for poor Western indie developers without publishers is terrible while having the moderation team be the way that it is not helping anything). I really do think so many problems are the result of AAA industries snuffing out everyone they can.

That is to say, I do think indies are doing well in recent years but even then, a lot of the indies in high regard (ie Hollow Knight) may not be AAA but they still have so many resources me and my dev peers don't have so I consider them to be seperate from the problems we are experiencing, even if they have other struggles. Tap tap, I've had conversations with larger indie people in the industry who don't even KNOW the situation on Itchio right now.. They are not my kin. 

TLDR: When art is made for the sake of profits over the sake of creating, people are less likely to help each other and the game industry loves when developers feel like they are going to starve. To help others is a luxury developers typically don't have the luxury of doing.

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FOSS is the good and holy way. Any time I say I hate it, it is like having an argument with a sibling I adore but get tired of. Game dev for solo developers requires being cautious of who you put your trust in but with Free and Open Source, when you download the software, it's yours really. FOSS is also what you have to turn to a lot of the time if you use Linux which makes it a godsend for diversity of OS usage.

BUT. Unfortunately I find that FOSS tends to have issues with usability and the communities around them. Looking up an issue may result in "it works on my machine" attitude or you may just find a bug that is unfixable... And it's enraging because somoene may have fixed it but forums and Discords for a lot of it can be long-dead unfortunately since people in these communities frequently keep to themselves.

Still, really I love FOSS. I use Aseprite. It started out as FOSS, and it's excellent because I use Aseprite forks on my iPad. For game engines, FOSS is good because game engine distributors randomly change their terms. I'd never use Unity for game dev and I am averse to Gamemaker because of the fuckery of the company. I do think both are useful. I do use Unity for some things- corporate backed things have the ability to make a lot of software that would take a lot of manpower that can't be funneled into FOSS projects a lot of the time.

Really I think so many earlier versions of many engines should be FOSS because of how Aseprite being FOSS earlier on has benefitted the community so much. Ik the developers were working on apple versions but the App Store is expensive and it would require maintaining two distributables. I just really love forks even if the new fork is not FOSS. 

FOSS projects inspire me alot. It's why I distribute my scripts for free. FOSS I get mad about when there's bugs because of losing work and I get like.. enraged, but you know, even my own scripts have problems at times haha. Anyways, CHURCH OF FOSS.

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Identity and things are hard for me to deal with. To claim to be something is a difficult action... but I like being a girl who likes girls. It is an easy thing to slide into, and acceptance from other girls knowing this is a fact about me feels good.

Girlhood was traumatizing to me but something I had to go through. To identify as a girl despite my detachment and struggles at being one feels nice. I still do feel much comradery with nonbinary people though, but that experience is not one I want to claim as my own.

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HAHA! Thank you. It's fun to here people still find the site via browsing.. I keep analytics off on purpose.

Thanks for thinking I'm cool ^^ I was lucky enough to be in a position to have many interests that affect people's perception of me (ie being lifestyle lolita), but you know, I'm as boring as they come!

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yay! i wish you much luck and happy holiday if any of the ones occuring are relevant to you. remember if you ever get frustrated, you can't let the game engine win!!

i'm really delighted tobe an inspiration!! enjoying my work for a few months! wow! that's so long ^^ it is amazing to be remembered

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The relationship the two of them have makes Adelaide irritated in a way that she probably can't even begin to articulate, but Eva has really entertwined herself into Adelaide's life in a way Adelaide can't imagine disentangling. It'd be more difficult for Adelaide to live without Eva than vice versa, and Adelaide also loves Eva very much so it ends up making more sense from a love, pragmatic, and relationship standpoint even if she feels weird about it.

Part of her thinks Evangeline will grow up and decide she doesn't want to rely on mean frilly lady anymore. She wants this to happen but also Does Not for obvious reasons... But she doesn't understand Evangeline loves her for reasons that are beyond her 'societal' value as a partner.. She's slowly accepting it but can't wrap her head around why someone like Eva tolerates her...

So that is to say, don't worry too much. Eva has more cards over state of relationship and ending it is not on her mind!

Thanks for being interested in them also! I wasn't sure if anyone would like her.. Adelaide is a kind of character I've wanted to tackle for a bit and responses to her were about what I expected in some ways but I was surprised by the amount of people who understood and/or felt fondness towards her! My favorite variant are the people who understand her but dislike her anyways LOL. I hope to explore them more in a doujinshi.. Whenever I finish it!

Beautiful art from Kails

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Not the zine- just in my communications.

Friends know I get really stressed out making SNS posts or other announcements because I fuck up so much, but I don't put zine together (AKA I am not the graphics mod) and most of the content is looking over by the other mods and the contributors too. 

The migraines affect me with management of the zine but since it is multi-mod project, it is not a big deal. Ophazines was a bad name because it connects it to Ophanimkei inherently but I chose it a long time ago and on a whim. I wish I'd chosen something else though that made it a bit more vague though no one seems to mind. There's been typos in the zine before but it's more human error as a result of a large project over the scale of my errors in my personal work.

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It's okay! No one has to say no pressure to reply if I don't want to I just won't or I'll wait till I have energy !!

I also hope we get to that point but admittedly I think a lot of the big disability awareness movements focused less on symptoms that don't relate to socializing ability, so here we are. A lot of us got left behind and treated badly even by our fellow disabled peers because we were a bit too 'low functioning' in areas they were not.. It's why I try to be very blunt with what I experience and how I feel even if I don't think everyone will believe me or they think I can do better!

And it's a plus people who experience something similar know someone else is going through the same thing! It's the same philosophy with writing stories really. Share uncommon experiences forever! Learn they aren't that uncommon! Love!

 

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I post so I can say I can say more thoughts! I think it's fair to ask creators about what is perceived as 'obvious' mistakes in their work, especially when typos are a common thng amatuers overlook for no particular reason though admittedly I find it bizarre to blame asking about it on a disorder that can also cause typing issues hahaaha.

But I do recognize it makes my work feel less polished and it's a critique I get often... Obviously, I get really embarrased about my typos because of my chronic pain but it's not something everyone can know about ahaha!

It's just a bother because I have to keep explaining in and out of my private life.. I just feel like I can't post freely because everyone will go "look at this girl's typos" so I'd rather not post outside of my website a lot of the time.. It's annoying because I made several typos typing this, making more typos as I fixed them, and may be missing others. It just always hurts to fix.

And you know, even though I am explaining and feel like I should keep explaining, I know people will blame it on laziness anyways because it's not a symptom people really have empathy for or understand but you know what can you do haha! Maybe I'll be free from migraine abyss someday!

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It's because I have chronic migraines, and disabled jobless people can't afford to pay editors.

It's actually why all of my work has typos. Migraines deteriotate typing abilty, cognition, and various other things. I rarely am migraine free at this point in my life, so I can't really just do it when I'm not in pain since pain is my normal at this point. I don't want it to be like this but it just is.

I hope to prioritize editing my work if I ever make a living wage off of my artwork or made final releases of them (ie if I ever released my games on Steam with extra content, I'd also take the time to have someone carefully edit with me and pay them.). 

The zine was less important to me than my other things. I didn't think anyone would read it so I didn't care very much. I still don't care that much admittedly because it's a free thing. 

To add more context: I often have people look over my Google Doc files, but because I put things together myself, an editor needs to have knowledge of the software I'm using. This is the case for my games and my zines because I am sole developer and do a lot of work in my earlier drafts and in the final drafts. Stepping away never fixes it because like I said, I always have migraines. 

The editing process also takes time and requires trust. The zine is almost 10,000 words, and I'd want to work side by side with an editor because I sometimes talk in peculiar ways that are intentional even if someone doesn't understand it at first read. It's easy for me to be convinced to change something and regret it later just because one person didn't understand something a lot of other people do understand.

All of these make it a complex issue for me that I only really want to tackle if I have money. I'm sure some people would offer to edit for free if I asked, but due to what I said in the last paragraph, it's too much emotional bandwidth for me to navigate just having a friend do it for free.

This is a topic that really irritates me I'm not going to lie- not because of you anon but because it reminds me of my deteriorating cognition and constant physical pain that affects how others perceive me even if they can't see or refuse to acknowledge my illness. It's not a simple thing for me to fix, and people not realizing I have a disability has ended friendships so I just sort of prefer to make it clear I don't really want help unless you are willing to deal with me crying.

A:

Designing is hard. I think it's not super obligatory to have a cool site design or anything, but I can show you ophanimkei's homepage logic and history. Ophanimkei's designs were mostly pretty simple before I started using containers everywhere, so I won't include them, but know they had no CSS and usually just one container with content- maybe with a list of nav stuff somewhere.

My first Ophanimkei design was this one. My logic went basically like "I need a container to hold all my text. A lot of websites have logos at the top. I'll draw it by hand! I should add a cute image to the top so I'll put a Miku thing. I want the navbar to be cute and my name is Ophanimkei so I'll draw eyes inspired by the chariot ophanim."

I wasn't sure what aesthetic I wanted to go for but I knew what colors would look good. I recolored this seamless pattern I have of sepia and used it for the website background back then! And made a lot of stuff purple and white and blue ahaha. I still use the font I chose back then and a lot of colors lol.

At some point,  I had more stuff and widgets I wanted to show, so I added a third column. The logo looked weird being thin, so I made it wider and added stars. I also really was into blue at the time. I had this random snow effect around, so I used it since it matches the colors. I am not super into maximalism but it is very important to me to have a lot of cute visuals.. Moeness.

 

This is the last desing of ophanimkei. I do miss it. I was super into pink and I wanted to try something knew. I decided to get rid of the status emote widget (though it is cute) since it was a container I felt I didn't need and moved a lot around. I still loved the sky, but I decided to add some other things. It was also inspired by Ommatophilia aesthetics at the time..

And this design. I grew tired of the meat because it was a large container using a background image. I became aware of container borders, so I decided to use them. I also wanted to use blue again because I think about it a lot haha.

I knew I wanted another box for widgets or cute art so I added another container like the second design used to have ahaha.

So, I guess design around content you need! Ophanimkei is built kind of weirdly, and it's very large. I like having a long navbar, so I keep my navbar in every style.  Think about what you have, what you feel is missing, what you want. I sketch my designs a lot too sometimes though it may not be completely accurate in the end.

I don't really subscribe to a lot of stuff, but you know there's really only so many ways to make something look good. My website design isn't the only one with three columns like this, and it has a traditional footer and header. 

For other pages, it's all the same. The blog is inspired by FC2, and some of the other blogs themes are inspired by things I like in Tumblr themes. I just knew I needed a space for tags and other things.. Other designs usually have basic logic. I need two columns or three columns for a navbar or something then I may add a background image for flare!

Outside of content being easy to read, just make sure there's enough contrast and that colors are pleasant. A lot of designs are impossible to look at because cvolors are hard to read. I think random pages here look bad while I'm designing but I just try to make the text easy to read while I'm currently designing haha.

 

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Happy to help!!!

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Wow you really surprised me haha! I opened the guestbook back up and assumed the message I saw was my test message but somehow you caught me coding!

I used Debian when I used Linux as my main OS. My laptop drivers didn't get along with Linux, and I also found that Linux wasn't worth using as my main OS for a variety of reasons. I use a lot of retro and indie software, and while I love FOSS, I found that a lot of Linux FOSS software never reached the level of my old tools.

I don't regret that time though. If it's an old laptop, even if you have driver issues, fucking around with it is good.. Linux is used for everything. This website/server runs on Debian, and I was pretty comfortable with server maintenance after using Debian for 6+ months or whatever. I hope to get more devices and run random Linux things on them.. 

If you're curious, now I use Windows 11 and just make it behave with external software that fixes all the things I dislike about 11 and reskins everything haha. I was gonna write a page about it but never got around to it.. Using Linux also motivated me to do that because while Linux annoyed me, it made me get off my ass and make Win11 not annoying. 

I do miss the Linux package manager though lol.. I don't miss looking up user issues though haha. "It works on my machine!" "Why would you let your laptop sleep- linux is so fast hibernation issues don't matter!" "This thing you use is unstable use this instead aesthetics don't matter!"

Haha..

A:

It really depends on your ultimate goals, but anyone can learn HTML or CSS. JavaScript gets harder but to be honest if you know how to code at all you can scrap anything together.

HTMLdog is what I learned a lot with, and I still randomly reference w3schools for stuff I forget- sometimes the Mozilla docs too.

For video games it really depends. I mainly use Renpy which has it's own starter guide but I like fenik's resources too. For RPG Maker, I got started with this playlist.

My website has the tools / vps hosting section though it may be a bit much sometimes.

I add these to my FAQ more with a few more links c:

Wow now I'd really kill for some tea...

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i never really know how to respond when someone asks me if i am okay lol, especially if it is anonymous. if i say no, does it matter? if i say yes, well, that's expected answer to most american greetings!

but i am the same as usual though worse than 'usual' of years past. i'm having to explain to a roommate was 'consideration' is though. they aren't in their 20s yet so i can't be too harsh but it reminds me why i've never lived with freshmen lol. 

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hihi! i am so sleepy. how are you?

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I wanted to clean up my askbox before answering this so it sat for a bit. I didn't mean to ignore you! I will probably be on SNS in some shape or form for a while but I could see myself leaving when I'm older, but right now I enjoy SNS! It's just sometimes I find myself not really caring about posting. 

I know people dislike having lots of social media and how everything is so spread out now, but to be honest, I think it's nice. I like having platforms where I just interact with random artists and devs casually too. Return to nobody status online. I love it. Share to void. It's nice when you socialize in a disconcerting way. Brief interactions. May interact a few more times. Maybe never again.

Discord is a site that exists that I also technically have, but I hate Discord. I don't like that it's big messaging platform while also acting as forum. So mainly focus on DMs nowadays, but to be honest, I hope to delete my Discord someday! Be free! But well, I've deleted my Discord many times before, but I always Come Back.

A:

Hi! Yes.. Yes. I haven't released the media logs because it has a bit of weirdness lol- things I never felt the need to fix that may be important for others haha. 

• It doesn't really accept anything other than plaintext..No bolding or italics or anything.
• You can't add images to entries aside from cover image URL (this is because I know large media archives exist and I always feel confident about hotlinking them- ie myanilist, myanimelist, goodreads, etc).
• I don't have editing old posts in it right now (though you can edit them from the database which is what I tend to do), and a lot of the stuff is displayed as text.
  • Obviously that hasn't stopped me before (like with my fanlisting script), but I've just been anxious lol.

I probably will just release it with all of this though.. I have no desire to really update it hence it being at a standstill.. It's already perfect for my own use case, but perhaps it being so simple that you will feel confident updating it over time with things you like. I aim to sometime this week but I am the procrastinator....

A:

Hehe thank you!! This makes me so very happy. My bunny bunny. My bunny.  She is sort of apersona while also being her own character.. She and her her other halves (rabot, kitty). So she is different from all my other OCs... it makes me happy when people like her since she is so personal to me hehe

A:

This question is really vague, but I will try my best. Visual novels are very easy to get into. Renpy is very popular and has many resources due to its community's size and age. Lemmasoft forums is a godsend. I'm going to be honest.

Renpy's installation also comes with "The Question" when you install it which gives you some basic Renpy stuff (some diverging maths, label jumps, etc). It gives you a lot of basic information and is how I really got started. Devil's Food was made with a lot of basic skills The Question gives you. Starting small like that can be really good.

I'll also include this a link to Feniksdev (itchio tools / website tutorials), a programmer / game developer who has many tools and resources. I look at their tutorials from time to time and want to use their tools. I plan to soon actually. Aside from Fen, you can find lots of tools and frameworks for Renpy on itchio. No reason to make things harder for yourself. Of course, remember some code may have errors if it's for older Renpy versions.

Oh lastly, I want to add that Renpy is great, and I love it very much. I'll never stop using Renpy. But for small Itchio web visual novels, I think it's worth it to try other engines. Methinks every Western VNdev should touch Renpy at some point usually, but also like, Renpy is just not suitable for some projects. I like small web projects and have been fond of them lately (ie my Squid Girl World series), but dislike Renpy for it because it has poor HTML5 builds and Renpy setup can take a long time. I used Videotome briefly and enjoyed it though ultimately moved over to Godot for greater UI flexibility (though I don't think I'd recommend most VNdevs / starter devs to use Godot if I'm being honest lol)

But yeah the answer is just start. You'll get somewhere much faster than if you don't start now.

A:

You sent me this while I was editing the askbox cx Luckily I saw it!!!

I like dragons. I am indifferent to elves. I don't consume much high fantasy, so I have very little exposure to them. In the past, I use to draw these.. soft chunky dragons. I like lizards and tend to get these fasciniation with Winged things, so it was object of fascination for a bit.. Also, Dragon Ball has these random large lizards lol, so it influenced me a bit.

Have no pictures of those drawings.. Here is Icarus.

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A:

My art style.. I think it was a mix of both. I definitely did a lot of things on accident but a lot of those were the result of early days where I tried to draw like mangaka I liked (especially because there are so many manga/anime panels you can look at).

In 2020 I started to make a conscious effort what I wanted to achieve (I bugged my friend Guts a lot for painting tips), but well, still other things have just happened.  Like, I don't know when I started drawing such prominent noses lol. I noticed that recently and it really confused me because I used to keep them tiny. And some shading choices I've noticed have just appeared over time. Painting in particular is weird cause I don't pay much attention to my sketches. Instincts tend to take over so things change as as vibes change.. Flexibiliity.

Oh and hair. I just had to figure that out. Lots of people who paint curly hair nowadays but you know, was hard to find in early 2010s.

A:

It's up now!! I"m just a clown LOL. I screwed up the download link. I coded all the pages at once and released everything at the same time so mistakes are around. Let me know if you find anymore!!

 

A:

Hi! thank you for thinking of me (and dreaming of me). I have not been talking to many people at all, so I apologize for any distance. I miss everyone all of the time and hope you're okay too regardeless of who you are.

A:

There is always so much more. There's always more. For various reasons. Stories exist to give the information to the reader you need to tell. So things must be cut, and old options must be deleted as it may not further the goals of the story even if you still consider those aspects to be true. The fat must go.

But beyond that, there is also just limitations of being an indie developer. So this will be a bit long.

• Devil's Food: Originally Devil's Food was a dating sim with more characters, but it ended up being focused on Angel Charlotte with the dating sim aspects gone. I still like dating sim mechanics though making one is not on my radar right now due to me being entertained by dating sims that require a lot of resources (like Mystic Messenger is my favorite one smiles). I have an idea for a project that in my writings is called Devil's Food: Kill All Your Friends that still is the Devil's Food gameplay but with more characters and an underlying story. it answers questions I've gotten about the connections between Devil's Food and Ommatophilia, clears some stuff up, and is also intended to be fun as hell for me to make. Unfortunately I don't know how long that project will take to make. I have to plan and I've avoided it for a bit.
• Meat Girl: Meat Girl went according to plan, but it had an ending that could be happier than the others perhaps?
  • Maya Lives Ending: There's an ending where Maya and Vivian leave the meat hell and get on the bus together while Sera ends up being consumed by the mycellium. Didn't feel it made much sense, and also, I like the other endings more.
  • Scrapped CG: Also, well, the ending with Sera waiting at the bus stop didn't have her waiting for the bus. There's this loosely sketched thing in my journal with a cg of her flying over the forest. Prefer her waiting for the bus though now. I like all the endings in Meat Girl though. I wouldn't do any other way. I sometimes wish the Mycellium section was larger, but to be honest, I think the mycelium is not meant to be accessible from every entrance and also changes depending on the situation.
• RehAIbilitation: RehAIbilitation embarrasses me. The early concepts. I like its final form, but originally it was a bloodier less gentle story. Still lolita heavy but with a focus on guro-lolita. It had two bloody forms, one involving Eleanor and self harm and another involving killing your dad. I am happy it's gentle yuri. I still do draw Eleanor in guro lolita. I like her as weird girl who dresses up in bloody dresses more than anything else.
• What Is It Like to Taste: What Is It Like to Taste is almost perfect to me. Perhaps I could polish it more if I had more time or energy, but the story itself plays out in a way I like. But I do have some scrapped things.
  • Adelaide and Evangeline: Adelaide and Eva had a higher presence. I still think Adelaide plays a huge role in WIILTT and so does Eva, but it is just different now. Less in person meetings, less focus on the two of them overaul in main story. Eva also appeared in the call CGs. They were to be drawn out things, but I ended up not really caring that much about it. I always felt with the CGs I'd draw them if I felt that I wanted to see a CG there when I would do my rereads, and I always felt that Adelaide's call portrait is just cute.
  • Small Town: I ended up doing this more with vibes, and when I write something with vibes, I'm always surprised when people catch it. People did in fact catch the town dynamics in WIILTT. A few commenters and friends also caught that it's explicitly based on Southern towns. At first, I locked it to that town, but I included college town bits to show there's more beyond everything, and Adelaide ended up going back home in the end despite her having friends she left behind and not really showing much fondness for her current location.
  • Other Characters: Well, WIILTT's been out for a while now, so I'm going to spoil it now. Calliope's appearance in WIILTT was always planned, BUT the original draft had Eleanor too. Maybe AMA but the AMA bits were soo brief I deleted them immdiately. I just didn't want all those characters in there lol. It felt like too much and it was messy, and I just felt like Calliope was the main one who needed to appear anyways. I think people haven't read RehAI understand why Calliope is there and also she's a lesbian I love inclusion of random lesbians in yuri while people who did read RehAI get to see an update on the two's lives. People who read Meat Girl errmmm lmao I don't know LOL. I try not to make my old works obligatory to read or play because they are Old, but also I love it.
• Squid Girl World: Oh god. I. Squid Girl World is cut content hell. It's gone over in the zine, but Squid Girl has been a comic, the pilot ep is just cut content central, and even the recent episodes originally had a small glossary of terms, but I cut them. I think I'll include it in future episodes maybe, but I actually found myself never really wanting to use it, which bothers me, but it is something I guess I haven't written with so I'd have to incorporate it into my workflow, and nowadays I sort of lean into just a person reading a word and not knowing what it means if they don't want to know. I try to use obvious words like Reaper and Angel while the more obtuse words have definitions, but you only to keep track of them if you care about documenting every bit of lore (or if you just general mythological knowledge). 
  • While the lore is there and I do love it so much, I don't want to establish it in every story because that irritates me. It more acts as a vehicle for stories to be told. I like Fallout a lot. It does this well and I take of inspo from it. 
  • To go more into, Meat Girl has lore, but it's not in Meat Girl, it's in Ommatophilia and other games because Meat Girl is not about lore, it's about Vivian and Maya. 
  • My favorite aspect of the Fallout Series is all the mini stories that build into your understanding of the world itself, but you can still like the Fallout games and spin offs as their seperate things. It's why I still play modern Fallout games even though Bethesda keeps fucking up everything. I can have fun with them.
  • But Squid Girl is actually weird because Squid Girl is about Aseroe and Sepia but it also exists to get out random bits of lore like the existence of the Void and the Reapers and the like. So, it's a careful balancing act that I'm still not sure I'm doing well..
• Ommatophilia: cut content hell.
  • Misc Systems: Wardrobes, NPC interactions, gift system, Blue diary entries scattered about, more collectibles, more interactable items. All cut.
  • Dreams: Dreams played out differently. I like their final forms. Angel had more dreams about Charlotte in early days too but you know, i cut down the dreams to just being about her friends to keep the game nice and clean
  • Charlotte Epilogue: Charlotte originally had a playable epilogue. You see what she's up to while Angel is out with her friends. This is the most painful of the cut content. When/If I remaster Omma, this will be the hardest to make AND the most important to me
  • Day Three: Day Three had several variants. Day Three is made wiht lots of love, but I struggled to get there. Originally, you hung out at restaurant, but I didn't like that. You went to a place like the church and school with the night portion, but I  didn't like that either. In the end, you go to Black's house. I am happy with this. Um, Black Nightshade is a character who is special to me, so going to his house is nice. 
  • All the Houses: Originally, Ommatophilia had you visit all your friend's houses because reasons. In the end you only visit Black's. I still kind of wish you could see Mercy or Blue's house. I think seeing their different lives would be interesting, but alas, no.
  • Other Things: Ommatophilia was my first RPG Maker game so it took me to figure things out. Mall was bigger but empty. I like it as a tiny outlet now. Maps were planned to be larger with more rooms. Ommatophilia was going to get a custom commissioned track, but to be honest, i sort of... Blargh.
  • Remaster Someday: I want remaster or remake Ommatophilia eventually. Add some of the cut content but not all of it because Omma's final version is the way that it is. I need more time away from it. EPILOGUE SOMEDAY SURELY. Charlotte ends up being the most difficult to understand character which I like, but I want some clarity for her. 
    • But my rule is I only remaster it when I have a livable income and a less nebulous housing situation due to its size and scope and time required. I don't have luxury of prioritizing that sort of thing right no

Anyways, cutting content is good to me. You have to making writing tighter and cut out of the slops of fat, but it's nice to look back on. Maybe make some weird AUs out of it or something or just draw them. Ommatophilia obviously hurts me lol, but at the same time, I'm proud of myself for making the decision to cut it and not ending up in dev hell for 10 years.

This is just all on my mind because Deltarune's existence lol. It has a lot of things in it- silly things I think are important for the charm of it. If I had more money or made a living on my work, I'd have a go at making another multi-year project indie game haha! Deltarune is just everything to me. It's relaly a gliimpse into a better future, and it reminds me to not forget my old goals (though I'm still having fun making lots of short games right now).

A:

i get why you're sending me this, and i appreciate the thought, but i was talking about 2d girls. because i read yuri. i added real girls because i added my girlfriend, who is a real living girl, onto the page. This is obvious.

people have sent me weird things like this for a long time. i feel like so much of it ties to me being a lesbian who mainly talks about girls and aims content at girls. as such, every word i use is to capture diversity of womanhood. what one person may find affirming may be upsetting to another, especially when you begin to befriend girls who experience intersexuality (or even just hormonal differences) who have womanhood stripped from them all the time.

to add on, all of my experiences about womanhood are explored in my works, like my games and artwork. i know plenty of people engage with me and don't play my games, but even this site has a bunch of things that make my thoughts and feelings obvious. 

I'll also add last thing.  this isn't just me saying this as random cis girl. it's me saying it as a black girl, as black person who's blackness goes beyond the scope of my gender or sexuality or any other identity. i don't believe anyone when they just say 'they care about black women' or mention them in passing for the name of inclusivity or have some BLM blinkie because a lot of the time the people who do that are racist. notable people who do this are racist actually.

people who aren't in that minority don't realize because the person will just go "i care about black people." it's shallow to me. i raise my eyebrow at how people word things all the time but i don't ask them "How do you feel about black people?" 

If I really care, I explore their works and writings to see how they feel. And some people might raise an eyebrow at this because a lot of people never mention black people or consume their work or care about any sort of media with black people, and yeah, that is true. but i don't talk about that on my site. i talk about it with other black girls, including black trans women, in private, because it is something white people cannot understand.

I really don't like talking about blackness in spaces with lots of white people which is basically most queer spaces online, but I realize I should get this out of the way eventually.

TLDR: It is still offensive to me to see I am a lesbian, see a random word I use, devoid it of context when it has context in the original text, and then ask me about it when my site has the answers if you just read or control f search. And as a black person, I find it more offensive because of my own lived experiences being a minority in queer spaces. 

A:

on sns or on a site, no not really. it is just kind of stressful for me to post that kind of thing on SNS because those sorts of posts are devoid of context, and it's deeply personal to me. i don't want those sorts of illustrations to be engaged with outside of their stories/worlds, nor do i want it to be that easily accessible.

A:

To be honest, I think about this a lot. I sort of hate modern Discord. I dislike that's it is a groupchat. I dislike that it also tries to act as a forum/main host for communities while also literally only being a group chat. I think Forums are suited for this while Discord is Not.

I think heated conversations should be allowed and encouraged on forums. Arguments, debate, etc as long as its contained which is easy with threaads. Discord is basically a big ass group chat so it's not really good and the forum options on Discord are shit. Forums just sort of let you float on your own litttle islands and unsubscribe from any thread you dislike. Also owners of threads can ban people from them and the thread owner themselves can be banned.. So beautiful..

Alas... People are generally burned out on things going up and down. RPGMaker.net is down. Itchio is shit right now. Other forums I'm on just have different cultures than that of even five years ago. I worry I'd just be adding more noise, and I think a lot of people do just wanna rely on corporations like Itchio and Discord and the like because they are seen as somewhat stable.

Still, I just like them a lot. RPGMaker has forums and Lemmasoft does too and they host their own stuff there that is linked out to Itchio, but a lot of those communities have Discords too which is making the forums less active so I don't know lol. Internet user habits are weird. And to be honest it just annoys me when  a bunch of people flock to use a platform only to abandon it because it doesn't have the likes and other analytics people claim to hate.

but yeah we're never escaping our hellscape unless discord and every SNS dies or consumer habits change.

A:

Hi nonnie!!!! I'm really honored you're asking a question like this!!! I made a short list of games I enjoy and love that feel adjacent to me. I tried to divide them up a bit depending on the category / content!

RPG Maker and Adjacent

• Halope: Halope and Ommatophilia are sisters to me! They developed with a similar timeline and have some similarities all over both games. Halope is also just very good. Dev and I are friends also!!!
• 18782: This is a game about a boy in Japan who's waiting to see his favorite Visual Kei idol. It has a lot of things in it, and that dripping SOL melancholia.. Waiting day to ay.. Nothing to do... Subculture things. Computer.
• Prey At the Altar: A very short RPG Maker game about being chosen as the sacrifice for God! (willingly!)
• re:curse: Sentient computer virus pierrot. Lesbianism. Veery Good. I'd kill for More.

Interactive Fiction and Visual Novels

• HEARTLOVEPOWERTEMPLE - Yuri rabbit girls. Faith. I like yogurt200's sensibilities a lot. HLPT always pleases me to read and see art of. I love you Iroja
• Mr. Rainer's Solve-It Service: I love MRSIS. Etherane, the developer, is very influential for me. Her early games, Hello Charlotte, is a big reason I write the way I do honestly.

18+ Stuffs

• Yes, and So Our Hollow Hearts Called for Love - This is one of the menhera jam winners. I adored it every second and still think of it after all this time. Very solid and very good. The creator of this I feel has very similar interests to me. I wish more knew of Hollow Hearts
• They Once Had Names - The MEAT! I like everything by Basic Bean, but I recommend They Once Had Names specifically because it explores something I bring upin a lot of my works but is about that the entire time. Oh you wonderfuil meat orifice. 

A lot of these have lesbians too (or are just yuri). I didn't specify which ones are yuri cause like I love the word yuri and everything but also I know some of the above I consider yuri or have lesbian protagonists but aren't really yuri.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy some or all!

A:

Thank you!! I want Meat Girl and things I create in general to be related to by people since a lot of exprences are overlooked or frequently depicted as black and white.. It means a lot to me!

If you forget Meat Girl, may osmething else you relate to and/or love replace it!

A:

Thank you so much! You are sweet. I keep getting nice asks, and it makes me hapy. It also surprises me a lot haha!!! 

These asks always make me feel like the kid from Meet the Robinsons.. Who thinks everyone hates him ahah!

Also thank you for thinking I'm pretty.. What a sweet thing to say! 

A: haha! i saw the notification for this a few hours ago but got so absorbed in game jam work, i forgot to respond.

i really appreciate it. i used to not speak at all, forcing myself to be as silent as possible for many years, and lately, i miss being that way often. the gift of gab is a curse at the worst of times, so this makes me very happy!

...really though i do appreciate it. i work on my webpages with the thought no one is reading them. i release games with the hope someone plays them but try to keep expectations low. i'm a chronic message deleter because i feel like such a boring and/or unpleasant person, so this is really pleasant to me haha!

A: thank you so much! this means a lot to me.. you are very sweet. the itchio issue.. it made me very crabby and irritable and to be honest these are understatements but now that i know itchio staff just chose to actually censor me i guess, it feels better than sitting in nebulous wondering if i did something wrong haha! seeing my friends and some peers get relisted was hard while weeks passed as i stayed hidden. it really felt like i'd been forgotten, but now i know i'm actively being suppressed haha! which probably sounds weird, but i've been dealing with a lot lately ahaha!

it's also made me be on the internet a lot less generally which is sort of nice. and it made me reevaluate a lot of things. which is always an experience that makes you a more whole human being haaha!

A: trans people are just people like every group of people. everyone is deserving of personhood, and to me, giving my opinion on the existence of any group of people in this sort of format is not quite the ideal of giving everyone a sense of personhood.

sidenote, are you new here? did you know i make fiction?

A: hi! your favorites are very dear to me, RehAI and WIILTT. Since WIILT has be deindexed and RehAI is a bit old, it often feels like my girls are forgotten. it makes me happy to see that they aren't :D

Regarding process, it's become a bit streamlined.... perhaps post Meat Girl things have gotten easier. i write down the plan in a journal and then begin writing the story in Gdocs.Sometimes friends read it while I write. Sometimes not.

I like to port to engine usually after writing though I find myself doing it in the middle of it sometimes because I get irritated not being able to see as I write. I don't recommend doing that though I'm kind of stupid.

I talked about it in another ask but I like directing as I write and I often have ideas for sprite movement or in WIILT's case, the smaller panels, so I'd want to see them, but editing back and forth between the VSC and Google Docs causes me Problems.

Regarding motivation, I've talked about it before. I've been writing since I was a very young child. I started typing on the old computer because I wanted to write stories. I read lots of books back then, and it made me want to write books too. Over time it's just became my main thing. OC creation, storytelling, etc. It's sort of all I have I guess- all I know how to do well lol, and I'm sure some people would disagree with me saying I do it well, but shrug emojis.

I'd be really sad if I couldn't write anymore. It's hard to identify motivation for writing because writing is my motivation to continue living. Everything in life just sort of feels like an obstacle in my way of storytelling, or something I need to experience to be a more whole person (in order to be a better writer)

Also I like when mentally ill people relate to my work. It makes me happy. It's lonely and really bad here, so it's nice to connect to others via writing, especially since I'm so bad at socializing. I also love everyone, but everytime I see another black girl especially who likes my work and expresses a pleasant emotion, it feels so good.

A: site is very large and has many assets often use case varies by section! i guess i'll focus on the OC art on with some other notes.

a lot is by me! the stuff by me is.. scattered about! i post a lot of my art on social media and update my archive periodically. usually i draw black people so that helps figure out what is sourced from me HAHA. my game assets are not in that archive though and i use them around site too.

i've got some pixel art assets i made here and there (eyes, angel wings, heart favicon). my favorite softwares are Aseprite (pixel art) and Clip Studio Paint!

ALSO some of the character isn't by me such as art in character shrines, the aiyana head on the homepage, etc etc, but the artist name is usually visible by hovering over the image (the artist name is usually in the file name too) or via a hyperlink! sometimes it isn't though because i'll receive gifts from people in video games or from friends who've left social media! ie a lot of the art on the new second life page isn't credited cause i don't know who the artists are, but i link my SL page in random places in SL and people tend go "omg that's my art" then i'll gather their links!

i also have some web decor from sozai that is in my neighbors page. i've also got CC0 textures and photos around! some stuff i've edited / cut up for border image uses.

for the art of my characters that isn't by me, my ultimate goal is to sit down and make the title tooltip more visible! it's there now but i think people have a habit of glazing over things because it's just default styling right now. i use titles cause it's how we credited things on toyhouse but bootstrap titles are more visible than default html titles! but luckily they are super easy to style!

i guess lastly i'll talk about any manga/anime stuff! i use art from media that is widely accessible/has a culture of redistribution! ie my anime gifs, my manga pngs, egl magazines cutouts, brand logos, etcetera! i also like to use line stickers i use in my diary entries!

part of me wants to use only my assets forever but i just love commissioning people and getting art from friends and art trade and getting art from media i like and stealing borrowing from museums.

A: i get most of them from tenor since it's made for linking gifs! i have some line stickers sitting around in my personal folders too. there's other gif sharing websites too but tenor just has a lot since there's a bunch of discord users

A: i'd like to! many vn jams happen in summer a lot of the time while jams that i'd use RPG Maker for tend to fall at weird times. i was able to make Meat Girl because of some particular circumstances that gave me extra time!

A: modern mary janes usually are missing durability or comfort. orthopedics have to be durable and comfortable because of the crowd they're made for while they're also much cheaper than a durable gothic brand shoe. i have other shoes that aren't orthopedics also... i just.. never have had to replace them because i try to get things that will never break.. so i never buy anything else haha. this is really important to me nowadays cause i used to buy my shoes from overseas early on, but it's just too expensive to ship stuff nowadays.

also, i also just have a lot of people in my life who are nurses or have disabilities which helps me find shoe brands (nurses often wear orthopedics because they are on their feet all day). i don't have a disability that requires orthopedics myself or anything if that is what you're wondering. an uncomfortable shoe is something i just cannot stand, especially since i walk more than the average person. alegrias are my shoe of choice but there's lot of cute orthopedic mary janes out there. you can even find them in normie malls. i just like boxy shoes haha.

A: probably. yeah. it's hard for me because i just prefer making games and stuff but i hope to make more OC pages. i like to make shrines and stuff.

i hope to pivot into more interactive web projects that i can upload to here and itchio. pages with just info/writing are difficult for me generally. it doesn't feel as good as working in RPG Maker or like long VN projects, but it still satisfies that same itch.

i like HTML5 a lot and engines with good HTML5 builds and also JavaScript games (because i'm insane) so more of that will be here one day. within the year. or in 2026.. it's on my list of Tasks. i have concrete plans but they just require effort and new skill sets on my part that i know i can develop.. just kinda taking it easy right now. first half of year was really stressful i haven't experienced that much stress since 2021 and i'm still recovering and sort of mentally unavailable.

A: sorry i wrote an anwer to this when i saw it arrive only to forget to actually paste it here haha!

i only have two though i've consumed more. some is on my media page and others i've never talked about publicly but are really big names in ED media so you can find them easily (ie To The Bone.. which is just ok to me)

Cousin is my favorite manga depicting a disordered relationship with food and body dysmorphic tendencies. It's the most realistic portrayal I've seen, and I think it avoids leaning into the glorification of it/overexaggeration a lot of media does. Also, it has other stuff going on.


I will always plug She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat of course too. It just depicts food and the different relationships people have with it well. Interestingly enough I thought one character in here was silly only to end up having the same relationship with food with her years after first reading LOL. Also Totoko Kasuga is hot. i hope this gets an anime someday though i know it has a live action. i like how it writes woman so much.

A: i want to say this is incorrect, but i sort of get why people would say this. it's just not really applicable in context of hobbyist web development. to be honest you have to not pay attention to things people say when you're a hobbyist developer because a lot of other developers operate differently.

static sites will always be faster. nothing is being done on server side (PHP) or needs to be interpreted by the browser (JavaScript), but the difference is negligible and not really visible to the user if the programmer did things optimally. a lot of PHP's history of slowness is because of like.. really old code bases or programmers who just don't know what they're doing. the JS libraries made for simple sites are also really fast compared to PHP and simplify a lot of the process.... a lot are also really slow though because i think web developers will use them when it's not the right decision to.

i feel similarly about JS. this site has bits of JS sprinkled throughout like the tabs in the self hosting guide. i only use JS if it runs really quickly. i hate jQuery because i think it's ass but my professor loves it.

anyways sorry blabla TLDR static sites will always technically be faster but for hobbyist devs, the difference is not really viewable to average website viewer.

really i think the main thing most people need to worry about it compressing their images. so many concerns/reasons people say PHP fell out of favor really don't apply to most of us!

i hope that makes sense.

A: hi kail!! i wov u.. and i love frozen strawberries, honey crisp apples, and i love combining several fruits into smoothies. strawberries i guess are my favorite.. but plenty others would have the potential to be if citrus didn't sting my mouth!

I’ve never actually thought about artificial flavoring in context of a variety of foods.. thinking abt it has made mee realize it’s probably why i don’t like desserts very much.

i like really concentrated artificial flavors. like candy. fruity sour candy is great, but tbh i don’t use the word fruity in context of the candy.. doesn’t taste like fruit, just the idea of fruit candy. it is not really am emulation to me.. just a different flavor with the same name as a fruit.

those flavors in other things.. don’t appeal to me though. i take the frosting off of baked goods and go years not drinking soda. i just really love candy. and fruit. i think. tangy.. sweet.. sour things. _{i actually hate artificial grape flavors though and lots of cherry things too..}

A: i haven’t been reading and watching a lot of things due to exhaustion. usually the things i finish i really like or they make me laugh.

really the only thing rhat comes to mind is yaoi lol. i read a lot of random ones. i’ve been reading Jinx which always make me extremely angry LOL, but in a good way. i’ve been leaning towards disliking it because i feel like the author is about to do some dumb bullshit loool. it’s a shame because i like her other work, BJ Alex, a lot more.

for jinx, i find the dynamics and characters to be somewhat interesting, but the progression of the story has been strange to me. i think a lot of my grievances could be fixed with more focus on Jaekyung because there was a backstory chapter with him recently but it felt somewhat rushed and like a lot is still missing, especially over 70 chapters in the manwha at the pacing we’re going at. I am enjoying this part though I just still feel weird.

I hope the story will live but I don’t trust the writer but writers have surpassed my expectations many times

A: there are a lot of reasons. i'll go over a few of the main ones, but know there are many others i'm not mentioning.

i was on neocities from 2021 to mid 2025 and got really burnt out on static web development. i found the process slow and tedious, especially for constantly updated pages like my media logs, and in the end i updated less and less. i knew having access to PHP would make my workflow a lot better as it'd already improved by webring management.

regarding publicity, while i consider attention and views to be a currency of the internet, neocities views don't mean anything. the average random neocities user doesn't really engage with the content they're looking at. while my site got tons of views on neocities, i estimate the people actually reading any of the content on the pages is a tiny fraction of the people just clicking through looking at everything. i just didn't really see the point of being on neocities if this was the case.

i also disliked the social features of neocities. i did have some appreciation for them at times. i think it made me grow closer to some people, but i just prefer exchanging emails, writing guestbook messages, joining webrings.. doing things that don't rely on you actually being on neocities. disabling my profile made me neurotic too because of neocities mutual/follow culture.

so basically QOL features i have with backend and just a general displeasure with the Neocities ecosystem. i don't hate Neocities or anything. i even still like a lot of the userbase that are around my age. i just needed to move somewhere that suited my needs. in the end, my site is made for fun- not for attention. i make shrines and long rambles not because i want/expect people to read them, but because it's something that sparks joy. of course, it is pleasurable when people read them and engage with me, but i'd rather people go out of their way to make it known to me that they did rather than liking a random status update on neocities.

anyways, moving here has been really fun. it's reinvigorated my web dev passion. i love my PHP workflow, and i love databases and having a server. i love having complete control over everything. my extensions- i removed them myself. my diary is updated with my own frotnend inspired by my old FC2 blog. my dollmaker is done! and i'm learning so much! i've fallen in love with computers again. it's been such a long time!

A: i'd set up one for someone else especially if they paid me, but i would never attach my name into any public site that needs active moderation. there's other reasons too but i'm sure you can guess.

A: i'm so happy!! thank you for following the guide and telling me it worked!!! yippie!!! now we'll all own servers forever.

A: i'd be a faerie. my old usernames used to be fae focused. i'd want to be a really scary one from a dark court that tricks humans!!!

i like fae in yogurt200's works a lot (she calls them fairy/fairies).. i use fae because of the side of the internet/fiction i was on as a kid

i love you waterfairy

A: i rewatch alien 9 sometimes because i find it short and comforting. i've seen serial experiments lain twice, but i think it will become a yearly watch.

i rewatch ENA pretty often too. i always notice new things. and i like to read the comments sometimes.. i often show people who are becoming closer to me as part of the mala friendship rituals. i've shown my girlfriend and intend to show one of my next roommates... i've shown others too on hyperbeam.

usually i replay video games.. i've been playing OFF randomly for years. i used to play it every October. i replay Mad Father and Misao sometimes. Misao isn't the best game ever, but the old versions of the game make my brain go crazy.

oh and of course,i always return to Yume Nikki (and well some fangames too like Collective Unconscious due to continuous updates). Yume Nikki means a lot to me...

I hope ENA Dream BBQ will become a part of my return rotation too.

A: It's easy. No terminal commmands needed. In settings of Cloudpanel, you can just add multiple users and give them access to their own stuff. They'd still have panel access, but only their own site would be visible.

You literally just.. open up settings and make new users. You can also set up duo for your own stuff if you want.

I didn't explain this in the guide because I worried I'd be beating a dead horse (as in explaining something very obvious) and also because, well, many people are prone to friendship fallouts.

I don't think it's a big deal because you can always disconnect your domain and add to another server, but I really want you to be careful with who you run websites with because money is involved with server access, and whoever is admin / has access to root user can fuck up if they want to.

I'm sure everyone knows that though, but I am emphasizing it! There's people I know and love but also wouldn't trust to own a server aha, and new server owners can make mistakes that bring the whole server down if they're not being careful.

Lots of communication needed and make sure you back up your own things, even if admin is backing up things elsewhere. I don't think friendship fallouts are a big deal and simple website hosting stuff is easy to put back up (even if you need to use a shitty webhost as you figure out linux or something), but well, it can feel like the end of the world for a host to be unreliable if you don't know how to set things up yourself.

I do think I will add the section though.. Just with a disclaimer.. I'll work on that now smiles.

A: thank you! i will. i'm going to a bakery today! and i hope we pass a candy shop.. i'll be downtown today! i'm going to eat lots and busy little trinkets hopefully!

A: thank you!! i'll try my best. you are sweet!!

A: yes haha. neocities lets you download a zip of your site and you can just plop it iin there. you can unzip it in Cloudpanel after transfer too. This is what I did and what I instructed Kail to do. Perhaps I'll put this in the FAQ so people know as I do think starting with neocities is a lot easier. The guide was originally birthed with the idea of static site transfer in mind, but well, I made it more generalized because of the NSFW bans happening across platforms.

A: Thank you!! I caught it I think!! There's probably more ahaha I have chronic migraines so typos are in all of my work!!!

A: Thank you so much! You're so early wow!!

A: a lot of things i make are inspired by blurry memories of things i enjoyed as a kid, so this is pleasant for me to hear.

regarding intent.. when i made the site.. it was really just made to satisfy myself! everything i add.. everything i do.. is in a constant effort to make myself achieve some 'satisfaction.'

i love things that feel like dreams so perhaps that was a goal, even if it was never an explicit thing in my head! everything... is vibes based!! and sometimes i have no words for the vibes i'm aiming for. thank you so much!!!!

A: i have an email address i check sometimes :-) it's ophanimkei@disroot.org!!!

A: Sera makes her scars visible to other girls on purpose, but how she received them and what they are exactly is up for interpretation. She likely changes the story all the time. You're free to draw them how you like or exclude them entirely. They're likely all over her body, but it doesn't really matter that much.

This is how Io draws them and I think it captures them really well.

A: My website is hosted on a VPS, and I manage it via a webpanel I installed myself. I want to make a tutorial and share my scripts someday but well.. People are pretty scared of Linux, so I'm not sure it's a good idea.

A: Hi Devils! If I do not tell stories, then I have no reason to live. And if these stories are never told, I'll die with no one ever knowing what I had to say.

That is to say- I love game development, but what I really love is telling stories- game dev is just the medium that works best for me. If I could not make stories, I would no reason to live. And then I might has well die. This answer is scary, but it is how I operate in life. I don't know if I'll be a game dev forever, but I know I'll be telling stories until I am in the grave.

A: Yes it is interesting!

Plenty of bisexuals and non-straight people still only participate in straight relationships because it's acceptable to be heterosexual (behaving heteronormatively) while their attraction they exhibit through their media consumption habits.

I think the statistics are especially interesting because queer culture in Japan is so different. People in Japan still actively discriminate against gay couples, as in you can be barred from hotels or kicked out of bars.

And so many LGBT people in Japan are closeted or just not in relationships, and also well, there are other aspects of JP relationships that make these things difficult to think about. I want to say this carefully, but sex work and side relationships are very common, and while it is typically thought of as a 'guy thing,' I think statistics for women are under reported.

And in Japan, there's even less reason to come out because of the lack of legal protection and so many queer JP people operate online anonymously too. It's something I think about often despite knowing I'll never have any answers.

ANYWAY. All of that is to say I think people in Japan and across cultures express their sexuality in a variety of ways which is a big part of yuri and yaoi statistics.

A: These conversations are likely untranslated locked away in JP university archives unfortunately. There are classes in Japan on yuri and probably yaoi too. So much of academia is locked away, and it's hard to access information for future research when that data just doesn't exist/isn't accessible. It's a shame.

But well, with the addition, I just think it makes a lot of sense for non-heterosexuals to be into yuri and yaoi even more than their Japanese counterparts. Yuri and yaoi was and is still somewhat fringe, even in mainstream otaku circles (at least in the west). And queer people to me are more likely to seek out queer content of all types.

I also think a lot of straight women read yaoi but aren't active in fujo spaces. Because it's just erotica they read privately. I know other fujoshi in real life who are too anxious to even make accounts anonymously on manga sites because they're so scared of it being traced back to them. It seems hard to gather data on, and I don't think gathering data on fandom forums is perfect. I'm specifying with fujoshi specifically since fujoshis are majority women, and it doesn't have the same distribution of readers as yuri.

My last point is that I think a lot of straight people aren't actually straight. I have a friend I know now who didn't know she was straight until after she was married, and she likes yuri. Seeing queer content causes people to actively question their sexuality, and many people lean towards bisexual. Bisexuals are the largest majority in LGBT spaces and as more people question their sexuality, many people will identify as bisexual. These asks are enriching!

A: Thank you! Apologies, I cut some parts out of my answer to avoid rambling for too long, but I specified 'cishet' because to me, the relationship a gay himedanshi has with yuri is inherently different from a heterosexual, perhaps bisexuals too.

Since I have the opportunity now, I want to add that I read a lot of yaoi as a lesbian so my relationship with yaoi is different from a straight/bi fujoshi which is another reason, so I wanted to specify a bit! But I wasn't being very thorough ajaj. I talk about my yaoi reading habits with gay friends (who like it for reasons different from me) and I feel like the attraction aspect is a big part of the conversation around himedanshi in yuri circles. The vibes of a conversation I'd have with a gay himedanshi would be different from a straight himedanshi. I hope that makes sense.

I hope that makes sense. If you have anymore questions, it's fun to answer :D

A: The interest in yuri being even distributed among genders is something love about the genre. I do talk poorly of male authors sometimes lol, but it's really all in good fun. Plenty of the yuri I like is by guys or by authors of mixed genders, and even women make a lot of depictions I consider shit (almost everything by Rangrari is absolute ass to me and I think she is a lesbian).

I also write a lots of demographics I'm not part of and I'm in minority spaces where I'm not part of that minority, and if they joked about my presence to me, I'd just laugh even it was a bit uncomfortable!

I realized that doesn't sound specific because this question is regarding the userbase, but it's important because I think it'd be weird for me to harshly judge het himedanshi for liking yuri when I like some cis guy mangaka/manwhaga/etc etc. And I don't care thaawg, and the more people like yuri the better! We get more anime, more merch, etc etc. And I don't think anyone regardless of gender should feel guilty for being attracted to girls and preferring the yuri genre. People should write and read whatever they want.

Also, I'll add that while I don't care what people read, it probably wouldn't be super fun for a lot of het himedanshi to talk about yuri to me because I am insane lesbian. Hope that answers your question!

A: I'm kind of an insane person who has been writing and devving for a very long time, and as a result, I have a feeling the way I work would not be optimal for most people. Still, I will share because it's fun but it'll probably be all over!!

I tend to come up with a concept over a long period of time and sometimes I expand on old concepts. Like for Meat Girl, I was interested in meat and played lots of meat games and read meat stories. So I knew I wanted to tell a story about meat, but well, I wasn't sure what I wanted to make so I made random drawings of a red haired lolita with meat everywhere and eventually I began to formulate.. Maya and Sera were older characters I drew for a zine called S1M, but people Really like Sera so I wanted to expand upon her story. That series of drawings was focused on radio towers and a lot of denpa concepts, so I extrapolated from that.

But, well, RehAIbilitation was done in a similar way but all the characters were completely new and so was the setting (sort of), but it's still based on things interesting me at the time. RehAIbilitation was made/developed around the birth of things like characterAI and it explored my thoughts on it a bit. Eleanor was drawn a few times before I made the game, but AMA and Calliope were drawn for the game specifically, along with the bunnies. RehAIbilitation was planned super carefully because I was studying abroad during a large chunk of it, and I wanted to provide the backgrounds to Zed as early as possible. I wanted to have fun abroad and jamming. I did have struggles though.Originally, RehAI had a different ending, and Calliope did not appear at all outside of flashbacks.

For What Is It Like to Taste, I.. had a lot of it my head.The vision for that VN was very clear to methough things did develop as I wrote too.Originally, there was no sidestory, but I fell in love with Eva and Adelaide. Eva and Adelaide were designed prior to the VN existing, but the story I made for them just wasn't working. So now they're in To Taste and I love how they exist. Emma and Aiyana were designed while concepting.. I knew their personalities and the vibes I wanted.

My character design process.. I usually have a shape of the OC in my mind. Like, I knew vaguely what I wanted Emma to look like.. Curvy anime catgirl inspired by 2000s anime aesthetics. And for Aiyana, I struggled a bit.I wanted to make hera lolita, but I just kept thinking she'd wear clothes that went downwards.. Her design to me.. It's like a tear drop almost.. But it didn't take long when I finally gaveup my lolita ideals lol


I do design random characters though just off cuff. Maya from Meat Girl.. She was drawn in her meat form for the first time as a sprite/portrait lol.And in Ommatophilia, Mercy was designed off cuff too and some other characters. It's just easier to me because my vision is clearest in the early days, and if I draw a perfect concept, then it might as well just be the sprite.

Also, lastly, I mentioned briefly my idea book. I have a golden journal that I write everything in. I buy this journal from the same brand every time, and I love them. I fill them with concepts which is important for longer term games or concepts I know I won't immediately work on. A lot of old Omma and RehAI concepts are in there. I even have RPG Maker map designs sketched in it.

And the strat is. I... immediately put things in engine. I hate editing. I used to love it, but I despise it now because I get migraines.Like I'll write in GDOCs in a while for VNs but then immediately go in engine to seee everything. So I make sprites at the beginning of devprocess or I try to (which imageparts help a lot because I can just add things I want over time). Putting things in engine after everything is written just doesn't workfor me because I'm not just writng- I'm also directing if that makes sense. And I like to direct and write at the same time. For To Taste, I added music as I went, I added SEs as I went, etc etc. I didn't always do this but I had a sneaking suspicion To Taste would be terrible to edit (and it WAS because 20K words is a LOT especially for a GAME JAM). I stil had a lot of editing to do. Sound effects that wen tontoo long, music to change, and the latter half was written without a lot of in engine testing until after it was written because I had entered Pure Flow State.

Sorry this is soo all over. It's hard. Writing feels really organic and bendy to me, game dev generally. I attack everything at once too and build on old works a lot which makes it even harder JAJA. And my writing and game dev process changes as I figure out what works and what doesn't. Meat Girl and To Taste is what I consider to be almost optimal performance though.

A: My media log currently is just vanilla HTML and CSS... Mostly white.. It's very plain. The site is being moved over to PHP because I hate living like this haha (<-- my frustation with updating is one reason I never update it nowadays)

A: thanks love! i love angels! i grew up Christian (the southern black variant) and that was one of the most important aspect of the religion to me- the presence of angels. they're often described as quite frightening in the bible which is why they shout "do not be afraid!" my mom used to listen to audio recordings of choirs where people claimed angels had joined them. i don't know what to think but the recordings were so beautiful that it's easy to see why people think angels are there!

even if i ever lose interest i'm probably tied to them by having the pseudonym name ophanimkei haha! but i doubt i ever will haha.

the site itself is also my child though i'm a bit quiet here because i'm trying to move it to a vps but i'm in HELL. we'll get there soon Surely.

A: I AM SO HAPPY.
the meat background is cute and her expression is really great. the way you drew her facial features is really magnificent. i like the straight line of the lower eyelid. her hair is so so cute, and the colors are so so good. your brain is huge. I am so honored and happy.

A: thank you i appreciate you!

here are there sprites and portraits! you can make certain stylistic choices as long as you're respectful :D

A: THANK YOU!! also last night i got this and started answering it and thought "i'm going to fall asleep while writing this." and then did in fact do that!

the brushes i use are the default oil brush in CSP and sometimes Teeromaaka from the asset store. i also edit the settings as i work..

technically i use some other brushes here and there kind of sporadically- especially if i'm in a period where i'm making lots of backgrounds..

A: hello! sorry i took so long for me to answer this (i see this was received the 2nd and now it's the 7th). i try to answer questions promptly, but well, a lot happened but here i am now!!

i'm happy you enjoyed ommatophilia.. i'm working on making a large update for it, but it'll take some time T_T perhaps i'll try to upload it to steam with all of this additional work haha. >br>
i should probably make my itchio and socials a bit more visible, but i'm a bit silly! i just appear and disappear a lot. people sometimes don't realize i "Mala" am the same as "ophanimkei" or other usernames i go by because i am in and out of various communities haha!

i appreciate you hoping i'm having a good day. life is admittedly very difficult lately, but today was nice. i started catching up on my commission work and have been working on a new programming project! i've got games i wanna work on too, but i've just been tired haha! getting kicked out of your housing and the job market will you that to you! i stay silly.

A: Hello! Thank you so much. I'm really happy to have such a positive influence on you. Coding is a nice hobby to have. It helps with logic skills, and it's something I enjoy doing when I'm burned out on art. And well, drawing is just always fantastic for your brain. Most people think they can't draw and don't recognize that it is a skill anyone can acquire. Or well, many artists burnout and never draw again!

Regarding what has inspired my personal style most, well, I tend to pick apart anything I see and absorb it, but the biggest artist that influenced me early on was Atsushi Ohkubo - specifically in early Soul Eater days.


His style has always been cool to me.. I like how he draws proportions and expressions and his compositional skills are cool (though my compositions nowadays are not really similar to his I think and the era of my art with more backgrounds with some of his influence are not online anymore or at least not easy to find..)

I don't have actively think about SE or analyze Atsushi's art or anything but I feel like his art will always influence mine whether or not I am actively thinking about SE because it was one of the first anime I watched that I fell in love with the style of.. Probably in my first 5 read manga too.

My rendering is completely different nowadays though.. Honestly painterly anime renderings have just been a big trend and I love it. I have just been learning what looks good over time. I wish I could point to a specific painter I enjoy who I absorb the techniques of but well I tend to just absorb everything. There's even art I dislike on my inspiration blog because I feel like I can learn something from it. I get inspired by weird things or techniques that don't even apply to my medium lol. Like, I love Kenji Tsuruta, and I think my love for him is why I try to put more work into how I render hair and clothing but well, his techniques don't really translate to how I work so I just have to figure out how I want to do it.. And artists I like who do have techniques similar to what I enjoy often don't draw things I do (like.. curly hair) so I just have to figure it out myself lol.. Though even if I think I've figured out something on my own, it's always possible I am taking inspiration from other artists without realizing. This is especially possible because I sometimes fixate on how an artist does something then forget about the fixation entirely and move on lol.

IE. I love Junko Mizuno and know I used to study her ink work and proportions but I don't remember anything. She doesn't post on social media (much), so I never really.. remember what her art looks like exactly lol. I just have vague ideas of it in my mind. So any inspiration is often warped.

Also thank you for hoping I feel better. I'm feeling much better most days! I was in pain yesterday which made me cancel all my plans but it's because if I don't pay close attention to my eating habits, that happens haha! So it was easy to recover from!

A: i'd honestly like to. i just don't think meat girl merch would sell and merch is kind of expensive to produce and may get more expensive for eerm reasons. but i won't lie meat girl merch is on my mind.

A: it's because website commissions require a lot of communication between i and the client. i get overwhelmed, so i can only take on like 2-3 at a time or i just don't take them at all if i'm not feeling particularly social.

i'll still sometimes take them if they're closed because i love money, but there's just a lot of factors involved, but it mostly boils down to my health, free time i currently have, and the size of the commission..

A: i'd like to join many game jams that are currently taking place but unfortunately i am currently in a war against God and the mental health industrial complex, and i am losing. it is still within the realm of possibility though.

A: I have no strong feelings about them nowadays, but when I was younger, I was obsessed with them though because I grew up on the Twilight films. My family would go see new ones as they released in theaters, so stories I wrote as a child often had vampires.

Hmm, now I struggle a bit to have interest in them. A lot of popular supernatural creatures interest me very little.. I don't read paranormal or supernatural manga much. I prefer creatures / entities that appear in religious text that have really specific things about them because of specific cultural context surrounding them.

It's interesting how little they interest me now as I feel like a lot of my childhood interests I still have a bit.. I think it might partially be because vampires vary so much depending on what text you're reading but tend to have a few specific traits that are not super interesting to me.. (sun sensitivity, blood sucking, pale) etc. I do appreciate them in gothic literature and the aesthetics associated with them though. Definitely influenced my fashion choices without me realizing.

_{love you akasha}

A: I am not too picky about weather because something will usually make me uncomfortable anyways. I just like when it's warm- maybe high 60s F or low 70s.. Higher 70s if it's windy.

I like if it's sunny, but sometimes the sun burns.. But if it's cloudy, I tend to get cold...

Also, the feeling of certain weather varies a lot depending on your location.. But I guess.. Partly cloudy warm weather :'D

A: Naming just one feels a bit criminal, so I hope you don't mind if I provide a list.

1. suboptimalism. i enjoy reading suboptimalism's thoughts on things, and the amount of knowledge he has on various subjects makes me envious. though i always enjoy his opinions.. even if his Evangelion opinions are different from mine T_T. He recommended me books recently, and I've been getting through one slowly and am excited to start the others!!

2. crow-queen.com i think i started reading crow-queen's thoughts last year, but caught up this year. they are the most delightful user on the site for me, and i find reading their thoughts to be a breath fresh air.. there aren't a lot of websites that are so lolita focused on neocities. her website is like always having access to a sweet treat, and sometimes i learn new things about the fashion- especially since i'm not really caught up on modern trends. I also see this user in other lolita spaces, and I always think "ah I know you" which is fun.

3. cmsvgp.neocities.org This user's website is very pleasing on my eyes, and they write in a sincere way that moves me to tears. They also like Whisper of the Heart and a lot of other things I really enjoy. It's a site I hold dear to my heart.

4. saint-image.neocities.org is the last one i can think of. it took me a second to remember their username. the colors are very pleasant, and i really love their pictures and diary entries. This site's aesthetics have probably influenced me way more than i've realized hahaa!!!

It's about time to update my site again. I feel as though pink isn't really my color anymore, and i haven't been super active here. I've been very exhausted mentally and physically haha but looking at my favorites inspires me.. also if one of their buttons is missing from my button wall.. It's not for any particular reason. i'm just bad at maintaining that thing. i kind of want to delete it HAHA... I prefer linking to articles and specific pages nowadays.. but perhaps that is a bit lame...

A: My favorite EGL piece I don't own is hm Puff OP Sleeve Set by N+aH. Looking at it causes me to experience pain and feel as though I will vomit blood if it does not come into my possession. It is just a beautiful item, and it feels like my soul in a dress.


It's just been out of stock for as long as I can remember and also it's $333... I've been a lot on EGL pieces though this would be my most expensive purchase ever- right above Teddy Gobelin.

A: Hmm, my favorite song right now is probably Right Medicine by Gregory and the Hawk but also I recently started listening to this Japanese band from the 90s called Nurse I really enjoy. There's no album.. Just an entire discography uploaded.

I was talking to Io about being in Japan and talking to a Japanese student about this piece of sushi called a "hamburg." I was so confused by what this sushi was, and the student was confused because she viewed hamburgers as an American thing I guess. I think about that conversation a lot. For context, the sushi was like.. a ball of beef or something.

A cool fact about me is that I play guitar. Bow wow!

Thank you so much also! I think I'm doing a lot better today though not completely better yet :-)

A: My favorite movie is Paprika though Helter Skelter, Kamikaze Girls, and Whisper of the Heart are up there as well! I just really love Paprika.. It changed my world.

A: They experience many emotions! Generally, they're happy they're gone, but sometimes the pain of being an independent adult is too much to bare. But at least.. Love!

A: This is a hard question! I think me and many people I admire/am friends with have many similar inspirations! Though thinking really hard.. Perhaps, it is the similarities between places that are completely different. Japan felt more homely to me than the Pacific Northwest due to the weather, the presence of Kudzu, the humidity, and some other things, but it still felt alien in other ways. I like mixing these things that feel familiar and foreign to me to make a comfortable place.

I felt similarly in England too. I'd bike around and look at the vast open seeds of rapeseed, and it'd remind me of being in Missisippi on the bus looking at the cornfields.. Seeing the small planes spray some substance onto them. I'd see sheep behind gates and it reminded me of the cows my family owns.

I had this feeling before I went to these places too haha. I'd watch anime and listen to the cicadas and think of the South.. And now that I'm staying in Appalachia for a while, I see mountains and just think of random places here I've been too. Everything can become home!

A: I actually didn't know it was happening! I'd like to now that I know, but it can be hard to convince myself to go out at night! I tend to associate solar/lunar events with bad memories so it'd be nice to just watch it alone outside my dorm if the weather allows it haha! When I was young, priests would talk about the blood moon as a sign of the end.. It's funny now!

A: I have seen a few episodes of Columbo, but Matlock is my old detective show of choice. It's really my granny's fault though- she says Columbo speaks too slowly haha!

A: I can not sleep so more questions!! Hmm, most sea creatures I really like aren't fish, so I hope it's okay if I name a cephalopod! I like octopus. The way females treat their young is interesting to me. It actually makes me cry a bit. I also love their intelligence.. I wish they lived longer.

A: Hmm.. A favorite show. My brain immediately said Alien 9, but I actually think it's Revolutionary Girl Utena! I don't watch a lot of shows outside of anime unfortunately haha! Outside of anime, I like westerns and old detective shows like Gunsmoke and Monk!

A: Ah thank you! This makes me happy! I honestly feel like my brain is scattered and melty, so I'm happy I can make sense despite feeling like this so often haha!

A: Hello! Yes Devil's Food is related.. I imagine Devil's Food is just Charlotte and Angel goofing off in some random location. They're probably not thinking entirely straight and just want to feel autonomous. They can kind of do whatever they want due to ~divine power~.

Regarding Angel's maliciousness, Angel doesn't view any form of life as very valuable outside of if a person entertains her or if she cares about them. as in, she doesn't think most people have value in the universe, but they can be special to her emotionally even if she thinks their death would not change anything overall. she kind of just enjoys being mean/exercising power over others when she views it as a consequence free activity as it's something she's usually actively rewarded for doing throughout her life, especially post Ommatophilia.

For more context, Devil's Food takes place in a location Charlotte and Angel will never return too again, so they're basically treating their surroundings as a giant dollhouse until they leave haha (as I said earlier, primarily to exercise autonomy but also just to blow off some stress)... But um, although they view their random outings as consequences free, they aren't actually haha! I hope to explore this in future works someday.

There are some other reasons Angel behaves this way in Devil's Food that have to do with Angel culture haha ^w^ But Angel is a bit of an extreme example compared to other angels due to all she went through and continues to experience haha.

A: Basic HTML is really easy and I learned it by going through Codecademy's tutorials and HTMLdog (along with CSS.) I think learning all the basics is ideal, so that you know how to approach something that appeals to you. Also, start with simple layouts and get more complex over time.

To elaborate on this point, generally I don't need to inspect element to figure out how a website is laid out because I have no desire to copy how another webmaster does things- I'd just do it in a way that makes the most sense to me. It's why I'm not the biggest fan of templates. I prefer my own code and I think getting used to working with your own code and being able to break things down in your own way is ideal.

Also don't lay things out with tables I beg you.

A: Thank you so much! Your question did in fact surprise me haha.

Very few things demotivate me nowadays. Like.. I can't think of any people who demotivate me. It's just huge life things like disability, affording to live, affording medical care, time, etcetera.

I want to provide free content forever to everyone but admittedly not making any money from my work and struggling to live because I have unidentified health issues that I can't afford to treat bothers me. You know.. American things. You've probably heard all of this repeated from creators you follow before.

It's hard.. Being in a bad state right now and looking at my old output before I was like this.. It upsets me a lot.. Though I can't say it demotivates me I guess. It just forces me to whack workaholic me on the head and tell myself to chill out even if I don't wanna haha.

A: The primary program I use for drawing is Clip Studio Paint on my iPad (though I used to use it on desktop). I also use aseprite on desktop and pixsquare on iPad for pixel art! I use both those programs for the bulk of my photo editing too haha.

A: I'm really happy you loved Ommatophilia. It means a lot to me that you'd share this with me. It's a struggle to choose my favorite moment- a lot of moments I really loved became exhausting to me over time as I was forced to playtest over and over and constantly bug fix...

But.. Some parts I still look at with fondness. When Angel and Blue sit outside together because Blue is overstimulated and they talk with the periods of silence.. I'm really fond of that. I also really enjoy going through the Nightshade computer. It's a moment that I still remember working on, and it's probably has some of my favorite bits of writing in the game. Thank you so much for asking!

A: This is a sweet question.. to be honest, I think i don't really have anything to add to the subject that hasn't been stated by others. there's lots of lolita coord how-tos, and i feel like i'd just provide bad advice ^^;

While I don't consider myself a beginner lolita, I still feel like a novice when it comes to putting coords together in that I am always playing it safe haha! I think the best thing you can do is look at scans, magazines, and other sources then pick apart what you like about the coords and try to do something similar. I think a lack of familiarity with how lolita coords look is where new lolitas fail :-) And when you know how they look, you can do cool shit while still looking in the realm of lolita you know?

A: hi nethazard!! yes, a lot of people think i mean rpgs when i talk about rpg maker! it's funny- i usually just lean into it and start talking about the fallout games haha. those are probably the most popular rpg games i've played. i'm actually a bit confused by the term rpg in general nowadays.

i'll definitely listen to these! i miss shoegaze.. i've been on a goth/post-punk kick, but shoegaze always calls my name.. sound of heaven.

A: thank you! my site is special to me. there's more aspects i want to improve in the future. not enough time in the day cx

A: Hi! Artists I admire or look up to.. Recently I've been very bored with everything I've been doing ever, so I've been analyzing new styles with elements I enjoy, but also I still adore the artists I've loved for the last few years, so my answer may be rather long. I will stick to just artists who inspire me visually and hope I don't yap forever haha! Firstly, I started taking digital painting more seriously because of 44insects. I've always found their illustrations beautiful, and I wanted to achieve art as beautiful as theirs. I don't think I ever got there though hahaha but I'm really happy with how much I tried to push myself to reach their level! I got introduced to artists like yogurt200 and cappythule via their art too who also inspire me!

Regarding an artist I view as goals or perfect, I think it's probably be Miyamaowari. Unfortunately I forget they exist a lot since the only social media we both share is twitter, but their art has perfect proportions, beautiful eyes and expressions and emotions. The colors are so pleasant.

Artists I've been studying lately include Junko Mizuno for linework. Her linework is very beautiful to me, and well, ink is one of my true loves despite me not drawing in it often nowadays. I'm looking into purchasing fountain pens to pick up inking again. I used to used dip pens and fine liners, but dip pens are a pain and fine liners never fully satisfied me so cartridge time.

Another artist I've been enjoying recently Mihara Mitsukazu. I bought a set of her postcards and would love to get an artbook by her.. maybe one of her manga too. The elegance of the lolitas in her art really inspires me.. I need to start putting more details in my artwork. Sigh. Her art is probably clean in a way I can not achieve. I really adore it.

I also like Kenji Tsuruta, Norman Lindsay, Kirai Imai, and the ink work of Hayao Miyaki really inspires me- especially in Nausicaa! There's so many I can't go on forever!

Oh of course my friend Waxwing, aka Io. I followed Waxwing when I was young and we became friends then mutuals at one point. I always kind of felt like I wanted to catch up to her, and it always felt like she was cheering me on! She's very sweet and has motivated me in multiple facets of my life. I feel like I couldn't have done nearly as much if she hadn't been around you know. I really appreciate her!

A: Hello! I am 21 years old, but I don't want this to be used as a form of self harm for you, please. I think it's important to put on emphasis on how many failures I've consistently had and the fact that I am still constantly battling with my failures and how to improve myself and my work.

I also find myself haunted by people younger or around the same age as me, but I've gotten better at not worrying about it. I've connected with so many people nowadays that i realize people just do things at a different paces. Sometimes people even do a lot of things around my age and wipe all of it from existence because they don't like it and start their slate anew.

Honing your craft is also a very important thing. Even if you're having a hard time releasing things into the world, thinking about it, practicing, etc etc will get you further along. And honestly, a lot of people nowadays don't do anything or drop their creative hobbies completely. You're doing well by by being on this path. A lot of the artists I knew in high school who were way more skilled than me (and well, they're still more skilled than me) don't even draw anymore.

You've got this! Good luck <3

A: thank you so much! i'm happy you enjoy my site. honestly i just kinda feel like my site's aesthetic is all over the place, so i'm happy it is nice to look at!

another site that is super fun and much more angelic than mine is cherubiims though the webmaster hasn't updated in a while. i am a bit jealous of the intricacy of the design haha!

i hope you have a happy holiday too. i'm actually sick today. my immune system hasn't been the best recently. so silly!

A: Ah hi, this really makes me so happy! I make artwork to express my feelings but ultimately hope I can reach others too. I don't get a Lot of feedback on my work (Meat Girl was a bit of an anomaly), so I really appreciate your reaching out to me. I hope I can continue to make things that connect with you!

I hope that no matter what happens I can continue to write and do art forever- even if I don't stick to game dev! Making stories is my passion and it is my main motivation for waking up in the morning. And honestly knowing people connect with the words and experiences I express makes me feel valued and whole as a writer you know?

My family used to worry about me because all I'd do is write and read. They'd try to make me do other things, and sometimes more artistically skilled kids would even make fun of me when they saw the stuff I made.. But here I still am haha!

A: yes! .flow is my favorite narrative wise, but my favorite fangame to explore is withers. i think it's the most beautiful fangame i've played and it truly does feel like dreams i've had.

here are some maps!

I miss it I should replay soon..

A: i used to when i was young, but nowadays i find the process of combing through sites like ao3 to be actively detrimental to my psyche. i tend to avoid most things that have to do with ~fandom~

A: inspiration for different pages comes often but i am often too tired/busy to finish up what is on my mind or i feel like whatever i make will not be very interesting. this site used to have more pages but i purged everything i felt didn't have "sufficient" content.

i get ideas pretty regularly. my main struggle is thinking of interesting layouts. i'd like for pages to be aesthetically pleasing but for information to still be easy to read, but i don't want layouts to be too similar to each other, so i end up just never making things because my standards are too high.

i definitely take inspiration from other sites, especially after neocities rearranged how the homefeed works. i feel like i'm actively seeing newer content recently which has helped with the dry spell i've been experiencing.. if only i had time to put pages together..

A: eee tysm! when i was a kid, i thought.. i love how big eyes are in anime.. and that love never went away!

A: hello!!! southerners.. we must stick together!! tysm!! i feel like a lot of my neocities peers are much better at web design than me but i try my best hehe!! i appreciate you!!

A: my favorite flavor of ice cream i think is rainbow sherbert. i tend to get it pretty often. i like strawberry a lot too. i tend to get vanilla most of the time because i'm used to it though.

i recently learned about phasmids. i thought it was just a disco elysium thing lol. i learned that they can get pretty big too and the largest likely remain undiscovered. technically i've seen them too- they're stick bugs! i'd love to see giant ones..

A: hello! i hope you're having a nice day ^w^