9.23.23 | vitamin d deficiency
I'm really anxious..
I'm sitting in bed. The room is completely dark other than the light from my laptop and iPad. I want to relax, but I'm so anxious. Everyone is leaving me behind I think. I'm just. sitting here. I'm alone i my room. Without my family, I'd just be a schizo under a bridge talking to myself about the situation I got myself in.
I made a new webring for lolitas called Cult of Usakumya. Here is the link. I need to advertise it, but unfortunately I'm dead. Dying actually. Dead and dying. The webring is interesting. It uses php and I have to approve everyone who enters. It's not technically hosted on neocities, but with the power of iframes, it appears as though it is haha.
Citrus made the widget button. It's so cute. Citrus is the best. Thank you Citrus. I'm tearing up. I love my friends.
I want something sweet. I want something that will make me feel good. Fionna and Cake makes me feel good. I wanted the episode "The Winter King" a few times because I enjoyed it so much. Though.. Fionna and Cake is pretty sad. I wonder if it's just going to.. stay like that? If it's going to keep being sad. It's Adventure Time so there's always a twinge of sadness, but Fionna and Cake feels.. darker.
The last episode I watched was Jerry which.. was so sad T_T.
I don't mind the sadness because it's such a good story and it still has that sweetness that helps me feel okay.. But I don't know.. the sweetness isn't very satisfying this time because I feel like there's something ugly hiding behind it. You know?
I need to play a game soon.. I want to play Swollen to Bursting.. I wish I could replay Halope for the first time. Perfect game..
I want to play TOTK but I'm saving to go to a convention.. I'm not sure I'll be able to go yet, but if I can, I'll be happy. I can't buy anything. It's driving me crazy, but my wardrobe is a nice size now anyways.. Tomorrow I should take pictures of all of my new items and organize my wardrobe page. I'm just.. so tired. Maybe even disillusioned. I added a new button to my neighborhood pages, inkcaps. Sarah is really nice. Their support helped me finish. I've kind of been floating in the abyss.. Having someone cheer me on allowed me to reach out of the void and bring something in the world.
Sorry for being so ~emo~. I hate being so exhausted all the time. The doctor told me I'm low on Vitamin D. I wonder if that's what is making me so tired. Probably. Hopefully. I'm hoping that's it because it's an easy solution (supplements and better diet). I still haven't picked up supplements though.. I'll ask my mom about it.
I need to study JP I need to catch up on database need to find service position and in an hour I have to do a community walk. aaaahhhhhhh. I just. wnat to work on my website. i want to work on my website. i want to work on my game. i want to draw. maybe thi sweekend. room is so messy.. hard to work..
9.17.23 | haha
Life is good, but I'm dying I think. I signed up for way too much this semester, and now I am hardly holding on. Never again.
That's been one of the reason for the lack of updates. I'm tired all the time. I have a new page that's basically finished, just waiting on an art piece from Wren. It won't be hosted on neocities, but leprd. I'm excited it's another community project like the rpg maker webring. I've gotten support and help from other people in the community!
I went to a lolita meet today. Sanrio themed.
hop
I got in trouble at work for being late to meetings. I just haven't been able to wake up for them. I fell asleep before one meeting (but came ten minutes later), had a migraine around the other meeting (came fourty minutes later), and had to reschedule the first meeting because of a presentation. RA stuff is really strict and they're not very forgiving. I reached out to disability services for help. Also called our college helpline. They weren't very helpful haha.
I ran out of my antipsychotics three or four days ago. When I got the letter from my job about needing to go in for a meeting about my "concerning behavior," I cried 7 times.. though in the letter they did express like.. a small bit of concern for my health. I mentioned in my weekly check in that I'm going to the doctor and getting my labs checked out. I sometimes worry I'm just lazy, but I tried waking up this morning and I couldn't really control my limbs. I could see my body. I could look around the room. I could just barely lifted my arm and shook as I tried to get out of bed.
I want to give a bigger update, I am just so tired. I got a lot of clothes recently for really affordable prices. They'll be added to my EGL wardrobe in time. The wardrobe needs to be organized by item...
So many things I want to do. I've had fun helping others with websites though. I helped cynicalneoprincessissm with something which was fun. I've liked their content for a long time, so it was fun to help them make a vision come to life!
I did some other website commissions.. I'll post images soon... My head hurts and i have class tomorrow. My room is really messy. I'm going to go to bed. But next time.. I'll post pictures of my pc maintenance classroom.