Yes. I've noticed this sentiment a lot in my peers: especially people who make NSFW content that is, for lack of a better term, "scary," but I've also seen people who have no ties to creation experience it. Even people who try to be "morally good," who are on the opposite side of the spectrum from me, seem to have this fear. I guess it's a very 21st-century existence alongside internet feelings. I will go into my philosophies rearding this. This is going to be long. Survive.

Generally, I just feel like if someone makes a callout post about me, people are free to blindly believe it if they want to (though it can still stress me out because I am only human). One reason that I am extremely blunt about my feelings on various topics is that I don't really want people to feel like they need to make a callout post for me. Many of the loudest people in my hobbies are just extremely awful individuals to me (liking certain kinds of anime means that my overlap with openly racist individuals is high + many noteworthy popular art pieces are made by insane people, like Serial Experiments Lain).  These individuals are either so awful that they don't need callout posts because everyone knows how awful they are, or the proximity to them is so low that people don't care (i.e. Lain).

I don't interact with people who I consider to have morals incompatible with my existence and will block people if they annoy me badly enough because I feel not interacting is a good enough way for me to avoid people I don't like, but well, I also think a big part of media literacy is consuming art by individuals with morals you hate (or even just activities). Like I think Serial Experiments Lain is one of the greatest anime of all time, but Chiaki J. Konaka.. is.. alt right... On the other end of the spectrum, I really love Welcome to NHK but I actually don't know much about that mangaka at all. But Welcome to NHK.. is about Really awful topics. It goes into shit that I think needs to be explored, but it is also based on some of Tatsuhiko Takimoto's real experiences. Welcome to NHK talks about htings that I can't really.. explore succintly myself, especially since I am not Japanese, even if I have many thoughts on them.

I kind of take in the whole attitude of being pretty blunt about who you are as a person, even if some parts are really nasty. I have this belief partially because so many people I know who engage with callout posts still follow or support openly "controversial" artists. A particular person on Tumblr posts white supremacist dog whistles all the time. I think people just don't acknowledge it because it is obvious, but they also don't talk about it because it gives them plausible deniability. I think this is really nasty and the most immoral of actions. This also ties back to like..... I try very hard to "cultivate" an audience with somewhat similar sensibilities to me. I'm open about my ethnicity and the importance of being around other brown people to draw other people of color to me and to avoid 4channies. I try to avoid being really like weebish despite my love for anime, because I think a big problem that no one talks about is Orientalism. I worry I come off as academic as I tried to depict my love for anime more academically in the past but really I just like Japanese media in general and the Japanese connotations for otakuism, especially female otakus... This has worked very well, and I really love my Black peers and other peers of color. I am really pleasantly surprised by how many Black lesbians follow me (and Filipinos. There are so many Filipinos and I've really grown to love Filipino culture as a result of Filipinos engaging with my work and me engaging with theirs and befriending them).

I'm open about my queerness and loving trans women because I want trans women to engage with my work, and I want to engage with theirs. Same with fat women and like other women of various groups.  Other reasons are that I am cis, so I can easily end up being transphobic. I want people to feel open about expressing discomfort with me for how I engage with minorities I'm not part of. Same with like.. Other stuff. I don't feel comfortable telling my non-Black peers who are not my frineds when they do something openly racist so I want people to understand that I am just a girl and if I do something uncomfortable, they can tell me. I'll explain it or course correct, depending on what this action is. IE: I prefer gender neutral language generally but some of my binary trans friends hate this, and I've made people uncomfortable with how much I use gender neutral language. I am understanding of this and avoid using gender neutral pronouns for trans people I know unless they tellme its okay but I'm also open about like.. Some of my trans friends hate they/them but love it/its and sometimes use it/its as a gender neutral word or even compare their other queer peers to animals. They cannot do this for me because I am Black, and it makes me really unhappy.

Also, there are people who have blindly believed things about me before because of gossip, and I've hated it, but I just have to accept it. I think people's inability to read is a reason for me to not engage with them. I'd prefer for them to block me before I interact with them.. Even outside of that, I want people to block me if they are uncomfortable with me for things that are real and true, especially if I choose to make a part of myself public. I make content that some people dislike and have beliefs that are a bit fringe. I want people to engage with me if they think I am interesting and then stop if I make them uncomfortable, no matter how painful it is. I am not like... a corporation or brand. I am just a person who makes art on the internet. If someone decides to engage with me by making a callout post to warn people about how fringe I am, then whatever. When people have spread things about me in the past, I was cognizant of it until I was actively being punished/harassed by others for these rumors. It was easy enough to clear up misconceptions afterward, even if some people still go, "I heard this about Mala." I can't really waste energy being paranoid about posts that may or may not exist.

Regarding my diary page: I am not sure. I still desire to write diary entries and I like having a publicly available blog for friends and mutuals and other mentally ill people to keep up with, but ophanimkei as an entity is becoming more "known" and people engage with my work from various circles—this leads to bizarre interactions because when new people engage with my work, I can't really gauge if the cultivation I aspire to have is working. I especially get really tired of people messaging me like I was a puzzle to be solved or like I am an object of fascination. I am just a girl. Lately though I spread out my activity across various URLs to avoid being over analyzed for random stuff so it may pop up under a different umbrella. I may also just password protect it and embed the password in another page on site.

Hm, well, I think I have freaked people out before because I am a strange autistic woman lol. It is scary, but one thing to keep in mind is that if you unintentionally freak out someone, you can apologize or ask how they are feeling or just not be friends with them. I have autism, lol, and while I try not to mask around my friends, I still sometimes ask if I’m dominating the conversation or making them uncomfortable. I know some people in certain spaces dislike me because I can be a bit much, but it’s kind of par for the course. Rejection hard but I've gotten better at dealing with it over the yeara.

For reaching out to new developers, I often talk to people about shared interests and goals, I think. Like, a lot of people I know who are developers right now have some similar fixations to me (RPG Maker, Godot development, etc.). So I ask them about their work because I’m genuinely interested. I have friends I’ve made in and out of jams doing this. One example is 18782. I really loved that game. It inspired a lot of things in the Bug Girl Project. It also covers many fixations (J-fashion, though it talks about V-kei). I went through a bunch of their itchio and Neocities because I was so curious about their work and I wanted to ask them some dev questions. I also gave my praises of course. 

There are shared interests outside of art. A lot of my oldest developer friends and I have overlapping hobbies, so we talk about it. I don’t know if you use social networking sites or browse more indie sites, but developers tend to talk about their interests on blogs or social media, and if you share one, you can sometimes reach out. I talk to some other developers about dolls and paganism, lol. 

It’s not really a straight line. It can be difficult. I still have communications I sort of wish I’d handled differently, but ehhhhh, the mistakes are worth it for the close friends! I have developers I talk to who I’m not super close with because they aren’t into small talk either or we just don't have similar communication styles, lol, but we still are comfortable around each other and exchange messages from time to time or ask each other dev questions.

Also, I guess, lastly, it's easy to get focused on jam servers but try to have relationships that exist outside of group spaces. If a person you dislike joins a group space or the server just explodes somehow, it's good to know you are on good enough terms with someone to message. This might take time obviously but if you're talking to someone in a group setting a lot and having a good time chatting with them, chances are you can have a lovely conversation in a private setting as well! 

Also PS. If somoene is weird to you, hit the bricks!!! I've encountered various people who are just fucked up lol. There's no shame in unfriending and blocking LOL, especially if they have weird beliefs that disrespect your existance! There's like developers in my circles where they are openly transphobic or racist or whatever else, and it sucks to be there LOL. It will ruin your spirit.

I really don't know! I'm quite inept with promoing work and while I may be recognized in some spaces, I'd say I'm still basically a nobody. I'm sure some people would say I'm not very good and I just got lucky with a few HTML5 builds people liked.. Who really knows!!!!! I sure don't! I really don't.. know.  Smiles.  I'm the worst to ask ^^ 

Mmm.. really, my only advice, I guess it's easy to isolate as a dev. Don't do that or you'll end up on your own island.  People work 10+ years on RPG Maker games and I've never heard of them somehow despite knowing plenty of devs.. So get out there! Have a party. Make friends you love forever. Avoid making insane friends who'll drag you into hell spirals! Etc etc. It's hard right now to make friends online but not impossible!! 

But don't think of it as networking. Love games- love other people's games, love people who make games, get around with that love! And don't be afraid to ask for beta readers or critique too! This is generic because I don't know any specifics but I hope it helps!!

It never came naturally.  I was lonely much of my life until recently. Even now, I struggle and have to remind myself not sink into insecurity about my socialization skills.

With things in real life, I find that I can meet people at events, but even then, it takes a while. My closest friends are a part of my EGL community which is a thing that already results in regular meets. I have friends who prefer burlesque scenes or goth things.. And I'm sure if I went to those,  I'd see the same people over and over and make more friends.. People sometimes begin referring themselves as my friend or recognize me in certain scenes and I've realized I've successfully ingratiated myself.

Of course, seeing people is not enough..  So I analyze them. Sometimes I think we are incompatible, but I talk and hangout with them anyways and grow more comfortable with them.. or figure out if I can't stand them (or they can't stand me). There are not many people I immediately click with, but it can take years to grow close to someone for me.. So I don't mind.

With my GF, it was another matter of throwing myself out there.. I do that a lot. We got together via a dating app (<-- woman who signed up out of loneliness), but technically I met my gf a few years ago and we were aware of each other but um, I HAHA.. I d idn't know she liked me.... Even our first few dates we were both extremely anxious. It's possible if anything had gone differently, I would've decided to avoid everything out of fear of things never clicking. Each date got better and better, but even then, we both move slowly. There were things she knew about me that I only really went into after dating for a year.. I showed her my games after a year.. 

So  I guess um... Even if you feel not super safe due to that compatibility fear, it's okay to talk to people and get to know them even if you feel a desire to dismiss them. I dismiss people really easily. I always feel unsafe, even with people I love for long periods. And some people I find myself to be compatible with end up being ABSOLUTELY EVIL.. The brain is ssilly.. I really only stopped masking around some friends have after knowing them for a year..

So um, be patient with yourself and others.. I guess is my end advice. Nothing's ever perfect, but you can never reach a level of good if you let fear control you.. Of course, it's okay to really realize you don't want to be around someone, but get to know them first! They may have a hobby they've never brought up in group spaces cause.. you know.. the nature of niche hobbies! You may talk to them about just a few things or end up talking about everything.. Some people I literally only talk to about Dolls ahaha.. Old women will talk to me about clothes and I enjoy it.. Always little ways to relate tot people.

No. Many of my close friends read none of my works. If anything, many people try to befriend me because they perceive my work as cool but they've never actually played any of my games (Meat Girl exception), and they express a lot of guilt regarding this. I end up not being friends with them just cause we have nothing in common. I am interested in many things but Ophanimkei is an entity associated with game development but I exist outside of that.

I'll say something else though. There are certainly times where not playing my games bothers me and it usually relates to them expressing guilt or constantly talking to me about their games (or other works) and obviously expecting me to play them when they just appeared in my vincinity, didn't play any of my works, rambled about game dev to me, then sent me their final product. I enjoy exchanges. I don't mind someone befreidning me with the intent to talk about game dev but you must do your part!!! I may play it eventually just cause I enjoy indie games, but it leaves a bad tastes in my mouth. It's just not very kind or polite.