It is all nuanced but one example is that if someone has been cheating on a partner and I find out, it is hard to view them the same way. Often, I wished I genuinely didn't know a dear friend of mine cheated on their loved one because I don't eveen feel equipped to handle that information because I have to accept someone I know did an act of cruelty for no good reason and kept it a secret because they knew how shitty they were being...
Like every time I found out a longterm friend was cheating, by then I'd usually have met their partners or they told me about them and I just don't know how to respond to that. There are other things.. But this is the most relevant one to me. It is a betrayal of their partner, but like, the love people have for their partners is part of how I view them. It feels like I don't know them anymore. There's no closure..
But like, if someone tell me they cheated on someone years ago, chances are, I'll just like.. it'll make me uncomfortable but if they tell me, I likely know them well enough to figure out how I feel about it. Discomfort is normal at times, and people do bad things and I think revealing your secrets to your friend is part of it... It's a matter of why are you revealing it, should you reveal it, and how I feel about a friend in relation to the information they've divulged.
Very easy answer. Seafood boil ! But the kind in a big bag so it's super messy and seasoned!!!
When people feel like they have to walk on egg shells around me, I'd rather them just not talk to me at all unless they can get over it haha.
Thank you!!! I don't really have a Good skincare or hair care routine sort of.. My skin is naturally very dry which prevents getting much acne but I moisturize a lot with whatever smells good cause of the dryness..
Um, with my hair, I tend to use Divine Goddess products just cause my hair consistently reacts to it in a way I like but I mix and match with whatveer is available usually haha! When my hair is natural, I use their leave in conditioner and twist it then I untwist it after a few days. Repeat! Two hairstyles!
My hair is really oily so I am careful with leave in creams haha! It's easy for it to look greasy cx
Aiyana is aware. I don't think Adelaide likes coming out to be people but they've had so many heartfelt conversations that it has come up.
Aiyana would not completely wrap her head around why it is hard for Adelaide to reveal that she is transgender though she would not tell anyone. She would like being trusted with this information by a close friend. To her Adelaide is just a girl so why would it matter... and she has probably learned a lot about "being a girl" from Adelaide.
Aiyana can comprehend that bigotry exists but she can't.. c ompletely... w rap her head around its incontracies and she doesn't want to. Hides from the world.
I guess I have a crush on Megan Thee Stallion but who wouldn't.. I don't feel strongly about many celebrities but I almost saw her at a festival before I listened to her just because i found her pretty.. Now I like her music and Her.. I didn't see her cause of weather haha.
I say I don't like comedy but this is not true. I actually think I understand humor well even if it takes me a second, and I just think most people aren't funny. I likely don't help the autistics don't get comedy stereotype haha, but some anime I really enjoy are comedy like Life Lessons with Uramichi Oniisan.
I don't like most self proclaimed comedians. I get my laughs from youtubers online who are probably more commentators but at least they're funny sometimes. Here are random YouTubers I like:
As Told By Destiny
Kennie JD
Jarvis Johnson
Umm speaking of comedians and podcasting, I still like Dan and Phil. LOL. They are the only p eople who can consistently make me laugh with the intent of making me laugh.... I think one big reason is that they are also for the gays in an Intersectional way... One problem with comedians is that intersectional comedy doesn't Really exist becuase people just love offensive stuff.. But stereotypes aren't funny.. w hen you aren't... a bigot..
There's this channel called Beige Frequency who dissects the problems with modern comedy and comedians.. We are not the same kind of person and I expect you to be mature enough to understand I watch him make this content because of his dissections, not because of his viewpoints. I think it's very interesting and he is fighting the good fight (making fun of Joe Rogan's cabal and he will call out racist bullshit even if he isn't the same as Me)
My games all are kind of intricately tied to all of these (thank you for noticing).. They focus on the effects of these frameworks on these individuals. I am a feminist but don't really ID as one outside of jokingly calling myself a killjoy Tumblr feminist because I simply think the word feminist doesn't have much of a meaning nowadays. In some ways I also feel as though I'd just always be a feminist as a lesbian whether or not I claim to be one...
FEMINISM: My view of the world is explicitly feminist in that I think everything is partriarichal. One reason I don't ID as a feminist is because I also just don't really align with any particular branch of feminism and well, so many things I agree with are just common viewpoints amongst my gen nowadays. I understand why these branches exist from a historical, academic, and political context, but in the modern world, I sort of am not sure IDing as them would mean much of anything to anyone in this modern.. world. I do enjoy feminist history and works though.
RELIGION: I grew up deeply religious and it affects all of my works. I'm not really religious anymore but religion still deeply moves me, but I also still think most religion reflects all problems across different cultures throughout history (patriarchy, racism, etc)
GENDER: I don't think gender is real but I try to be careful when I say this for reasons that are probably obvious. I don't think gender is real in the same way race isn't real- it's all social constructs but it still deeply affects our lives. I'm Black but that word describes how I move throughout society rather than having a huge meaning outside of that.. The idea of a girl and what a girl is affects how I exist and many others, but I don't think gender has much meaning on us as humans- more just in society itself. I don't identify as trans because I don't think my feelings about gender or my life affect me very much. It's not oppression I feel I experience- I just experience normal misogyny and identify with the experience of girls who also experience, especially other autistic girls.
POLITICS: Politics wear me out because everything is related to identity or labels it feels like when I just don't think it works that way. I am a Black disabled lesbian but these just feel like words to me. I was disabled before the disabled label got put o n me. I was Black before I knew what that meant. And well, people don't even think lesbians are real. My existence feels so inherently political in so many ways. I don't know. I don't really identify wiht many things I Just think everyone deserves a good quality of l iving but America is distinctly against this. I disagree with a lot of common political viewpoints even in my circles but tend to n ot state them.
Anyways yap yapp. My views are flexible and ever evolving, but honestly in american society I simply feel as though the ultimate goal is for the government to be dismantled and completely redone. A lot of views popular online I view as being distinctly American because America is evil at its core. This is true of many countries, but there are just So Many Americans. Can't wait for #populationdecline
I love rocking horse shoes but they aren't suitable for every coord. I do adore them though. Antaina rocking horse shoes are my favorite of the off brand. Bodylines are fine, just too narrow and too easy to fall in.
A lot of goths do like boots and I certainly do own chunky boots but my go toes are mary janes. I mainly wear orthopedics and big chunky mary janes. The shape of the shoe matters to me more than anythignn else a lot of the time for my own personal tastes. I like a big around tip and for the shoes to look a bit weighty!
Comfort is a priority but I certainly own uncomfortable shoes as well! I just spread out my wears of them. My daily shoe is actually like these things lol. They are gigantic and I love them though.. c ouhgs.. after a particularly muddy festival, they are due for A DEEP CLEAN. Still cute and not dirty but I miss when mine were a beautiful shade of black.. They've never been the same..
My other daily shoes I can't remember the name of right now LOL but I own them in white and black and they are orthopedics!
Fanfic is fine. I'm generally not picky with what people do! I just don't allow fangames or modifications of my existing work (aka mods)!!
I've got my terms heeere!! If you write fanfic, feel free to send it my way ^^ My GF is super into fanfic can show her for +100 cool gf points and also READ IT.
https://charlie.ophanimkei.com/ is built with only JavaScript, HTML, and CSS so all of the code is visible to the user if they desire to see it!
Speaking of that.. I think I eventually will likely remake it in something else.. Though I like it's curent state. It's just a matter of I think I will one day remake Ommatophilia and remake the project in RPG Maker itself.
I love coffee but avoid drinking it because I cannot consume caffeine without experiencing a migraine but caffeine was part of the experience sniffles..So tea!
Black tea (no caffeine) and adjacent english teas are my go to, but when I am feeling luxurious, I'll combine milk, red roobois, and cinnamon! I really like every tea.. It is just hard to buy nice ones and because of my Habits, I go through them kind of quickly at times.
Generally I am not very into fruity teas though that is not a hard fast rule!
Charlotte's diary is just plain JS so you can find the combos if you want on the site (iykyk LOL).
Mm, but I plan to add more. It's still unfinished. I'm happy to see you describe it as intricate! It still.. is not enough for me! So maybe check back in like a year from now haha!
Thank you!! smiles.. maybe i'll write something longer someday (doubtful). Eva has met them in a few instances. Adelaide has no desire to introduce Eva to her folks or anything, but it's just that they live in a small town and Adelaide's family pops in and out of her house and try to get life updates from time to time.
Adelaide's family thinks Adelaide could find someone better but do not insult Eva to Adelaide's face. Eva is keenly aware of Adelaide's family distaste for her, but she mostly feels...... Not indifferent but she has no strong feelings about them. She's aware that Adelaide is stressed out by them though so tries to make things easier for her whenever she can.. her feelings about them are really mostly focused on how they affect Adelaide. She probably brings them flowers and presents and engages with them so Adelaide can stay .. calm.
NOO SORRY.. I have friends who own it and I borrow their things from time to time! I don't own it, but it pops up on lacemarket occasionally! If I saw it for a nice price, I'd probably send it to the friend who tells me every time she sees it on LM overpriced haha! I've got too many books!!!
And with ponderings, I typically like them as parts of fiction, but this is not always the case. I just think everyone is always thinking and giving me their thoughts so when I read pondering, I find myself frustrated at the worst of times...I dislike.. when I am presented with a thought exercise with no end goal. Sometimes the goal is persuasion, but it is hard to make me care enough to feel Persuaded. It tends to inspires nothing within me.
...it is likely because of college... college is constantly reading other people's ponderings..
Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine has these agonizing passages.. That consists of the main character just thinking. I think.. Ponderings reveal a lot about the person writing and simetimes I dont want to connect with someone in that way, but with fictional characcters, they are not real. An author may or may not relate to what they are writing, and well, it doesn't matter as long as that pondering results in my understanding of the work increasing.
I like Kamikaze Girls for this reason too really. A lot of Momoko's thoughts I enjoy hearing. I enjoy the dissonance more.. I dislike a lot of Novala Takemoto's opinion on lolita and going into any of his longform writing makes me want to explode, but I enjoy Kamikaze Girls because I just feel so ponderings being concentrated into a fiction is good.. It works well here.
That is to say- I do enjoy essays. Most of what I consume on a regular basis are essays- often extremely boring essays about the economy or something.... I like nonfiction presented to me in a somewhat plain way, and I like essays about fiction often but I try to spread out my consumption of it so I remember to do my own media analysis..
With lolita, I mentioned many things have been talking about and I guess.. Like.. I dont know much about visual kei so I like reflections on Vkei and Lolita's overlap from people who feel more strongly about Vkei than I do. I do love Peep TV Show but I feel like I don't see lolitas write about it a lot so I enjoy hearing their thoughts too.
Umm.. and I love blogs.. One reason I'm so online is because I just read new and old blogs for hours..,I made the EGL webring in hopes of finding more lolita bloggers because I like reading the thoughts of lolita in relation to their personal life the most.. Though saying it that way makes it sound exhibitory HAHA. But really it justs makes me feel like there are other people in the world like me ... ^^;
ANYWAYS. IT'S HARD. I DON'T KNOW. WHAT I LIKE DEPENDS ON THE TIME OF YEAR AND THE SEASON AND MY TEMPERMENT.
Sweet is the most popular substyle of lolita and has been for a long time. It also dominates most meets and large events. It probably just boils down to the lolita demographic liking cute things- I am not really sure. I wear sweet too from time to time
The three major substyles are sweet, classic, and gothic. Everything else falls under them. It makes sense that you see the first two but often these coords have elements of other styes.. To find more lolitas, you can just go through gothic or other tags like punk lolitas on SNS that doesn't blacklist it and you will see them. Also going through gothic brand tags haha.
A lot of lolitas I know used to wear sweet or used to wear gothic or used to wear classic then switched to another style too.. Or they wear all of them but mainly wear one cause it's their favorite.. One of my close friends wears mostly classic but is a lifestyle goth and has Moitie piece.. So it's just all over. Sweet lolitas are very aware of gothic lolitas. We are all friends! We tend to be the minority in comms but honestly.. I do think gothic lolita is very popular outside of comms too. The goth and gothic lolita overlap means you see gothic lolita in Weird Places like goth clubs <-- where I haunt
Old school is extremely popular.. Because technically it's not really a style but every style falls under it. Do not think about old blogs too much. It must be understood lolita sort of...., it did not die but.. With sites like Tumblr and Livejournal on the decline, those things are stagnant. They are not accurate depictions of the current scene. A few years ago in London there was this very large old school themed event called The Queen Is Dead so know stuff is always happening. Baby and Meta keep rereleasing OS pieces too and they sell out because modern lolitas and old schoolers love it.
We are all having fun together. You're just seeing someone's clothes at a meet! At meets you'll find people who have gone through different styles of lolita over the years!! Learn all about it!! I found out another lifestyler I know used to be a gothic lolita and I've known her as one of the sweetest lolitas I know.. And I found that out after 3 years!!
I wanted to answer this yesterday but struggled. After 24 hours, I have more thoughts!
I focused mainly on rehAI and WIILTT characters!!!
Regarding what is ita, I dont really have a list of things I consider ita. I just think things can be combined badly and look bad. A lot of coords people consider ita are just kind of mid. Lolita is just clothes and you don't need to slay.. Bad coords are kind of visible to your eyes to the point where ''ita'' is kind of ignored as a concept now because there is this thing called "perma ita" regarding lolitas who never really escape the beginner stage but they tend to be accepted because they love the fashion, and honestly, I admittedly think if you are here asking me this you don't need to worry too much.
As you evolve as a lolita, things you considered ita in the past you may come to love. I love a lot of weird EGL I hated when I started out, especially old 'ugly' gothic lolita pieces... It's just clothes in the end..
With the old blogs, it's good to keep in mind a lot of the blogs were run by 2010s American modern sweet lolitas. So much of it just doesn't make sense once you literally just look at a magazine, but a lot of it makes sense in the context of modern sweet, but so much of modern sweet is worn for meets or cons.. It just isn't very wearable.
Like.. if you think about modern sweet, a lot of coords are strange without makeup or blouses or patterned socks. It's one reason I actually don't wear it. I do enjoy it technically, but it is just.. so many steps.
With the current state of lolita, yes, honestly I'm pretty happy. I do hate the rising prices, but with the rising demand, we've gotten so many unique brands across the world. It is more accessible than ever and by virtue of being such a subculture with multiple branches, well, parts of it will always be underground..
At times I do wish lolita fashion got a different name just so that it was more searchable but in many ways, I also am happy lolita is so hard to look up because.. Looks at every goth tag and what they've become. I still think a lot of EGL is underground. Like so many people go to Harajuku to look at lolita because they have surface level understanding when Harajuku is not really the best to go anymore.. And well, you know, you have to Really care because of that language barrier. Misconceptions exist cause of that language barrier, but I am not too miffed about it.
With coord times, it depends. Meets can take longer. I want to dress nicer. And also, I love punk lolita and sometimes I just go crazy and put a lot of work and time into a coord for fun lol, but it can take me less than ten minutes if I want it to.. I have my wardrobe memorized basically and often think about coords while I'm lying down. It's really just hard if I am somewhere where I don't have access to my entire wardrobe or I'm in a rush.
When I'm uninspired but want to wear something new, it can be really rough LOL. I hate buying new things but sometimes I need to if I have a vision. Sighs. And then I can be in a state of paralysis.
I struggle to pick a favorite but lately I'm in a goth mood. I think about this coord a lot. Have this old AtePie piece from 2011 or something. It's so beautiful.
Thank you for your kind words!! I really appreciate it!
I've worked very hard to make lolita suitable and easy for me to wear. Really, the most exhausting thing is people asking me about my clothes every time I go out. It happens even in my more toned down outfits that read as less lolita... It can be hard to answer at times.
I guess I will compare to being a goth .. People will ask you about your clothes or where you got it, but Americans know what goths are. They don't know what lolitas are though, so there are more steps. Older Americans in general are barely cognizant of Japan if they aren't into anime...
Wearing it is very easy for me since it is sort of my default.. It's easy for me to make a coord for every occasion / setting.. unless a job requires Pants.
Not really...
I am just tired a bit tired of jirai, but even then I like the edgier jirai that doesn't consist of the dusty pink setups. It sort of confuses me that so much of jirai wears kind of wear the same thing, and it made some brands release the same pieces over and over for a long time.. And it's all over Harajuku...
I am happy lolita brands who tried dipping their toes into it immediately gave up but even then, it is not a hatred of it... I think I just dislike the most popular variations of it. Acro Tokyo makes interesting things I'd probably wear if I were looking for new clothes.. But I am not.
I've thought about it. Friends have read it and I believe I could probably borrow it from someone If I really tried... It is an interesting piece of lolita history that is unfortunately resold for $100+ over and over. The creator has spoken about reprinting it from what I've heard but it has been quite some time and she still hasn't so. The structure of it inspires me quite a bit, but I just admittedly get a bit tired of lolita ponderings/essays which is why I haven't been in a rush to read it...
I like that there is a zine people adore full of large chunk of text. Do you think lolitas would enjoy a zine with chunks of a fiction in a similar way that is just in novel formats? Sometimes essay wise it feels like everything that could be said about the culture has been said, but there is still so little fiction about our subculture.
Speaking of the the comics. They are rather lengthy for a zine, so they are also of interest to me.
I do have it on my computer... The entire thing.. But it's just all PNGs.. I should convert it to a PDF..
If you are talking about the JavaScript dollmaker files, it's because it's tiny. Even if it's smooth in your art program, the image will appear pixelated because it is tiny. There are some alternatives. I have two personal favorites.
Basicbean and I made a dollmaker template for Godot which can take very high res files since Godot has it's own scaling. There is also MousePSD which works with PSD files.
I've got some more resources here too.
I like Shiori for many reasons. I enjoy seeing teenage girls with BPD in fiction, and I like that the show shows her own behavior doesn't make her happy, but she views it as the ideal way to act in those situations. She is genuinely so miserable.. There are people who call her the most evil character in the show (even compared to Akio??), but she is genuinely just a girl with BPD and deep internalized homophobia living in Ohtori.
Like I think it's hard to understand that Shiori likely can't even comprehend being a lesbian in this world of princesses and princes. It causes her extreme agony, so she keeps taking and taking from the one she loves, but it is never Enough. She truly has a black hole of a heart.
Perhaps you can even say her lesbianism makes her a witch... She can never have a prince so she cannot behave like a "normal" girl, pushing her into the role of a villain in every fantasy story.
No. Many of my close friends read none of my works. If anything, many people try to befriend me because they perceive my work as cool but they've never actually played any of my games (Meat Girl exception), and they express a lot of guilt regarding this. I end up not being friends with them just cause we have nothing in common. I am interested in many things but Ophanimkei is an entity associated with game development but I exist outside of that.
I'll say something else though. There are certainly times where not playing my games bothers me and it usually relates to them expressing guilt or constantly talking to me about their games (or other works) and obviously expecting me to play them when they just appeared in my vincinity, didn't play any of my works, rambled about game dev to me, then sent me their final product. I enjoy exchanges. I don't mind someone befreidning me with the intent to talk about game dev but you must do your part!!! I may play it eventually just cause I enjoy indie games, but it leaves a bad tastes in my mouth. It's just not very kind or polite.
Thank you!! I try not to throw around diagnoses honestly because I just think most people, even other mentally ill people, are extremely ableist and I just don't want my characters to be viewed as behaving in a bad way because of their disorder or as "evil" because of having a certain disorder.
With autism it's hard. I think so many characters are obviously autistic or other disorders get ready as autism (like stpd, aspd, etc), and it's why I talk about infantilism a lot. It's hard to avoid infantilization in your life when you are so visibly autistic (or something adjacent to it).
Sometimes I write a bad person who is also just.. bad because of their unmanaged and/or poorly managed mental illness LOL... And it's fair for people to dislike them but I don't want them to contribute to poor perceptions of that disorder. Speaking of that, I love Shiori Takatsuki.
It's up to your partner to communicate when something makes them uncomfortable- you aren't a mind reader. You and your partner will burden each other. You just have to talk through it. And you'll only get better at communicating the more you practice! My gf and I express our concerns to each other all the time, and we usually laugh it off!
And like, even I sometimes can't understand other couples as a mentally ill person but it's proabbly because I'm not seeing thier private conversation.. There's not really a formula since everyone's different!!!
And also a bunch of "well adjusted" people still have awful relationships cause they don't talk things out LOL... Just look through instagram reels... HAHA.. We're all learning!
i didnt i hate mmy life and my job and i hope someday art and/or game dev or some other online thing sustains me LOL.
I think a lot of the bizarre Nanami episodes are focused on the strangeness of teenage girlhood and her weird sense of autonomy due to being groomed while currently being in Ohtori... They tend to more reflect more on Nanami herself being a girl in that world ahah. She's got so much going on but still has to deal with being a girl with all that other stuff going on..
A lot of those episodes are products of the actions of Anthy Himemiya a lot of the time haha.
The episodes are joked about a lot lol. And for good reason- they are funny and bizarre... I feel like so many aspects of girlhood are bizarre and alien if you aren't actively experiencing them. One of my favorite episodes in the entire show is the Egg episode ahah.
I wish I did lol.
legit old school
Baby The Stars Shine Bright, Moitie, Angelic Pretty, and Metamorphose are big brands I really enjoy but their modern designs do nothing for me, but they comprise much of my wardrobe.
I love Putumayo. Of the punk brands, they are my favorite. It is a heated battle between Putumayo and Maxicimam but I simply like the diversity and bizarreness of Putumayo's designs. I think so many people point to Putumayo as punk but I also feel like so many modern lolitas would consider Putumayo to be ita..which I love. I know Putumayo is not technically defunct anymore since they came back with Reload A Classical... But it's all classic, classic I honestly don't really like.. Their modern rebrand is basically an entirely different brand to me.
I like their black and red stuff but I imagine if they were still open, much of my wardrobe would comprise of their items.
current brands
I try not to focus on the works of "ancients" because it's important to buy things to keep lolita alive. So many of these brands disappeared and more will disappear over time.
I didn't mention above but a brand I enjoy in line with Putumayo is Black Peace Now (and Peace Now). BPN closed, but the designer is currently doing things for Sheglit which I enjoy. The Sheglit designs are comfy and nice and clean in a way I like though I wish it wasn't so classic focused either. That gothic and classic look feels like it is taking over many brands LOL. And I enjoy it but there is so much of it..
I like N+Ah but I only own one piece by them because it's expesnive but aesthetically it feels like me. I desire to own this piece one of these days.
I think Marble also has the potential to be one of my favorite brands if I could just bring myself to buy a piece lol, but everything I like is inappropriate for work sighs..
Lastly, aesthetically of the modern JP brands, my favorite brand is Majoh, but well, I never felt the price matched what they were offering and the owner, MR. CORSET, is a violent Zionist who has stated she donates a chunk of her funds to the Israeli government.. I feel as though avodiing talking about Majoh will not fix the situation so I am very open about it.. It's a brand that is very special to me and visiting their store in Laforet was quite a spiritual experiece, but I just don't buy from them anymore and will try to avoid buying directly from MR. CORSET in general.
OVERSEAS (NON-JP) BRANDS
A lot of brands I like are indie brands, smaller ones and large ones, and usually they are where I Haunt the most.. but I actually have been buying less and not really keeping up with releases.. Smiles. A lot of brands aren't really shipping to the US right now or the releases are very limited and I just don't have energy to keep up.. I don't enjoy using Instagram and have notifications disabled for it which is the main way to keep up with these brands..
But, well, one brnd I do enjoy is KONU:NOKU. I love beautiful luxurious crosses and they are devoted to the old school aesthetic. I think they have 5-7ish releases, so their catalogue isn't very large, but I do enjoy everything they make. CN brands I can usually easily keep up with because I do enjoy using Rednote and I really only follow brands and Chinese Lolita Influencers who showcase upcoming releases haha.
smiles..
Anyways, all of that is to say I enjoy a wide variety of things but so many things I like have fallen out of style amongst lolita designers I guess haha or they just aren't very accessible to me right now due to my unstable income, but I love lolita (and adjacent fashions.). I buy from a variety of brands when I can!
I really do appreciate it! I think about "low functioning" a lot as a term and how it applies to different people. A lot of how you're perceived tends to depend on where you are along the spectrum, but don't really take into account your life and if you got the support that could've made your life turn out differently despite it seemingly being rather obvious..
Thank you for reading!!
Adelaide is very well aware Aiyana is autistic though she became aware of this sometime in college, but she also thinks it's bad for Aiyana to sit in her house and do nothing.
She doesn't want to be Aiyana's only friend, though at one point she wondered if she was the only person who could be friends with Aiyana.. but she notices Aiyana gets along with Eva, so now she thinks it's possible and would benefit Aiyana's life! Adelaide also likes being Aiyana's friend and thinks other people would enjoy being Aiyana's friend too..
Adelaide really just wishes Aiyana had a support network in the end that didn't consist of herself, her girlfriend, and her robot cat maid nurse girl LOL.
I go over it a bit in this ask. Adelaide is actually written with some even more specific things in mind but I've just never stated them candidly for a few particular reasons.
There is one work I've wanted to make but never have (annoys me), but I also have other small things I was working on with Adelaide. I just had to stop because #job. But the larger work I want to work on with her is in my mind and I will make it.. eventually.
Adelaide's family are very "don't dish what you can't take" kind of people, and I imagine they gave Adelaide heat for her clothes early on in an attempt to make her dress more "normally," but Adelaide can dish a lot, especially when it coms to appearances especially if pushed hard enough (and she was pushed over and over again).
eleanor and adelaide were probably both surprised to see a trans lolita with similar tastes and they likely approached one another but.... not in a normal way. more like approaching and sizing each other up in a way haha.
they are both people who enjoy complaining and are frequently dissatisfied with things, so their convos likely started off complaining about (insert topic here). they probably can work each other up and get very loud, and they likely did their first meetings. they have a lot of differences that they critique each other about but despite eleanor's insecurities and adelaide's vaguely gestures, the two sort of....... they're partying in the glass house together.
their introduction can be altered though. i plan to explore it soon.
Probably.. I like making dress up games and I want to make more where you design yourself or another kind of girl(?).. I just didn't last jam because I found myself redrawing a lot of the stuff that was in Ophagirl, just at a higher resolution.. And it kind of bored me..
Ing eneral, I want to make more dress up games more focused on dress up aspect than anything else which would include larger games inspired by things like Style Savvy.. and probably will eventually - if I ever get more time. It's kind of an intensive style of game. I talked about Darling, Darling Sacrifices post the jam and how it's structure inspired me.. to go further.. and beyond.....
Another game I played recently also inspired me, My Paper Wardrobe. It's a tiny bit broken but still very fun. I really like fashion simulators and wish they hadn't been taken over by Roblox.
I just don't think the same person is always the same person they were a few years ago or even the same them of yesterday at times. The information they are obligated to reveal to new people they meet doesn't have to be that of their cruelty towards others, and whether or not they've able to be forgiven by the people they've wronged may not even depend on how good or bad they are but how they go about fixing these mistakes.
There are things I'd never forgive someone for if I knew it about them, but there's a chance they are sincerely sorry and would never do it again. I'd rather not know unless they have a specific reason to tell me that doesn't consist of absolving themselves of guilt or sin... Because, being good or bad in the past doesn't affect how you treat people now. People make decisions about you based on information they learn about you at that moment.. It is the worst thing about the internet really. So many bad decisions are archived- bad decisions we'd never make again.
I don't know if people are shades of gray or good or bad. Some things are objectively evil and people do them anyways to benefit their own lives.. But that often goes beyond the lens of interpersonal relationships.
That is also to say, plenty of people are also "bad" in my mind but I can't help but feel fondness for them. I've been friends withh people for long periods while having the thought that they are a bad person and often they improve or get so much worse we aren't friends anymore..
People will continue exist and live irregardeless of whether or not they're good or bad I suppose, and I'd rather not pry into people's past. I just judge them as I get to know them.. though sometimes their past comes up and it reestablishes negative feelings I may have about their current behavior.. And then to me they are objectively bad.. For interpersonal relationships, it's all in our heads in the end I guess.
ZED HERE TO ANSWER!!!
"Hello! Thank you for the compliment on the backgrounds, they are my favorite thing to do and I'm still so happy I got to do the ones for Rehai!
Process wise truthfully it is very messy... here are the process shots of the backgrounds I did for WIILTT, I mostly just traditionally sketch, then color block over it, and then render it a bunch. It will be a bit more defined when it's interiors and more detailed things like that but still basically just like this. "
My best friend Zed makes RehAIbilitation's backgrounds!!! He's very good at drawing backgrounds and if he wasn't so busy making his own games, I'd bug him so much for them!!! (HI ZED!!!!!!!) .
i like everything he makes!! every time we work together i'm so happy!!!!
i'm so surprised to see ena as a girl! like a true human girl! i actually had assumed that ENA's story would no longer be explored due the events of Temptation Stairway, but it looks like it is continuing!!!!! really it's sort of a logical conclusion for her to reach this form after Temptation Stairway but.. i hadn't even considerdd it!!!
i do find her very cute. i like how her unevenness is still expressed in her socks and the blue and yellows swirls escaping her face in the trailer. i really enjoy the shape of her eyes and her lips are very cute.. i am not super used to joel's art style for 'normal' humans so it's interesting to see.
Ena is technically full of characters who speak a variety of languages and random cultures are depicted, yet I was still (pleasantly) surprised to see that she is brown ^^ her colors are also spectacular in general to me.. i find her really interesting.. removal of suspenders, longer skirt, the socks.. everything.. and i love how long she is... i want to see her animated more so badly.
Thank you!! And good luck archiving. You are doing goodwork!!! No there's no rush I've procrastinated for (insert time here) for a while so take your time!! if you want feel free to tell/show me about archive project!!
That would be vry awesome ^^ I have been putting off making the tutorial bulkier for quite some time and I know images would really help!
No haha, I try to talk to them most days though ^^
They are very busy people, so I support and do most things for myself!
this ask confused me at first because i wasn't sure why i was being sent it.
the conversation around with 18 year olds is because they are often 'barely legal' which is why they tend to be pursued and taken advantage of. even those with a small age gap will pursue 18 year olds for these reasons.. you have to figure out how you feel about this because even if you feel your intentions are good, you live in a world where this is true.
i as a 22 year old would judge my peers for pursuing an 18 year old. i had adult friends who immediately treated me differently when i turned 18, so my opinion is negative. i would never date an 18 year old, but how i feel has nothing to do with you. i will likely never know you or your partner or the dynamics of your relationship.
Ofc :D !!! !!
(And I'm just stupid and have a habit of breaking links LOL it's fixed now!!)
The Cakes sisters would love gourmand perfumes and luxury. They enjoy indulging in many things of that nature.
Adelaide's siblings are her biggest enemies. Her family is intensely competitive and they likely insult each other constantly. A lot of her attitude towards life is probably because she and her siblings are harsh towards one another.
Without her siblings, I think it's possible Adelaide would've ended up with a more lax attitude.. But now she's literally a doctor lmao.
Aiyana has the potential to get mad but since she has a tiny social circle and doesn't leave her house, there's not much to get her worked up. She also spent a lot of her youth kind of being.. in a spot that'd enrage a lot of kids but she sort of was in acceptance.
So it's hard for her! I think Adelaide could get her mad if she wanted to but she doesn't lol!
probably. i have a tendency to write the same things over and over so
sending me a math question while i'm sick is a bit mean don't you think >_<
likely wrong but i thought it'd be fun to try...... i will never take a common core test again.. math teachers historically have hated me lmao :point:
The goal is to calm down A Little Bit since I'm starting work and want to clean up my old jam projects but these two I'm hoping to participate in:
Mixed Media Jam - It is 3 months long and aligns with a project I wanted to make prior to hearing about it
Noise Jam 2 - I'm trying to finish / make a small project for this but it depends on my energy
And for the past 2 years, I've contributed work to a Dream Diary Jam project which is a Yume Nikki Fangame jam.
Also, every summer a bunch of jams happen too and I may participate in One or a Few. There are some that consistently happen and others that tend to pop up, and I'm hoping to host others this year possibly. Ty for using me as reference haha ^^
The reapers have a lot of structures / practices similar to militaries of various empires so sort of. There are parallels that I certainly did intentionally. Military complexes are in many civilizations.. though most of the wars are long over, so these organizations tend to have different and more abstract purposes than our equivalents.
Some people think of them as janitors while others view them as unruly enforcers. Lots of views on them truly.
Adelaide and Aiyana's relationship is very special to me. It's something that some people who are close to me even struggle to understand the writing of (and I often refuse to explain LOL), but I like them.. Mentally ill together. Get better then reconnect. Continue to be painful in ways but still love one another and try to give each other the benefit of the doubt. Comforting.
Very cute site ^^ It is nostalgic. Putting who you've blocked is entertaining and mess in a way I enjoy and also makes me nostalgic.
The credit for the decoration should not go to me though! My collections page is a collection of pixel adopts and things. The original links are accessible via clicking the underlined links (for cliques) or the images themselves for individual artists ^^
Regarding your questions, everything inspires my art.. especially anything that interests me.. Technology, denpa, radios, relationships between others.. Art is just a way for me to process the world so everything I intake goes into it.
I have some asks about this under art style and art that are a bit more specific I think!!! It's hard to think about since.. I just.. output whatever I think about. Sometimes I draw a piece about..c old weather.. but no one knows it's about cold weather but me..
An exhaustive list would be difficult to compile though trust me, I actually did try and ended up closing all my windows LOL.
Normal Lindsay is an Australian artist who drew erotica (frequently featuring pagan elements) and made children's books. His history is interesting especially in the context of how erotica is viewed now. He disturbed many Australian Christians haha. I truly admire his outlook on art.
Range Murata has very beautfiul designs. I own.. almost all of his trading figures from and I enjoy his artwork. I don't like anything he makes now lol, but I have Last Exile on DVD just because he's the lead character designer. I'd love to own his old artbooks. His diesel punk designs very much inspire me.. I wish he'd make interesting things again but he has schoolgirl brainworms now (in a similar vein I love Otsushi Okhubo but he also has a tendency to fall to the schoolgirl brainrot)
Kira Imai is another artist who sparks joy. I enjoy her older artworks more generally but I like everything she makes. Collecting it is enjoyable. I know she's in the Angelic Pretty mines but I wish she'd draw for other brands too. I want her to go back to drawing things other than modern sweet even if I do enjoy it.
Lastly I will put Junji Ito which is a basic answer but I will say something unique. I enjoy his oil paintings. His watercolors are nice too. The online scans I don't think do any of his paintings justice and well, a lot of it actually isn't archived online despite being in art books. This is because people are interested his manga which I do also enjoy. Uzumaki is one of my favorite works ever (along with Tomie), but I think one reason he is reknown is because of the beauty of his linework.. His paitnings can often be loose which I enjoy but his layered paintings make me insane.
I went to his exhibit so do believe my devotion is good and true.
I would live in Shimeji Simulation haha.
Yes this is not addressed in the original script but might be eventually. Adelaide helped Aiyana with a lot of her wardrobe. She likely still wears random lolita pieces but just not in a way that is lolita, you know? Like, she still wears capes and cardigans. She probably still has full OPs and JSKs in her possession, but she is most comfortable in formless clothing.
Aiyana feels discomfort around her behavior being pathologized and feels this is common in psychiatry. She also.. doesn't.. care for a lot of it. She doesn't feel like a lot of psychiatric stuff benefits her in anyway..
She's somewhat averse people in the field as a whole with Adelaide being an exception due to Adelaide primarily helping her with things that make her seem independent in the Eyes of the Law. But her distaste is also likely influenced by knowing Adelaide.
red bean buns! i actually find most desserts to be too sweet to be enjoyable for casually eating which means most are just find for a bite or two or i eat them to be polite.. <-- which is kind of funny cause i just made a heart shaped brownie HAHA.. my Valentine's date is tomorrow and my friend let me borrow a heart shaped tin...
it's actually a thing where i go to bakeries and make baked goods but people don't.. know.. why Because i don't like them very much!! but i find them cute and i love the smell!! i spent my bday at a bakery and i can enjoy a small dessert!!!
(when i go to the bakery that just opened in my home city, i like to get milk bread!! they don't have red bean buns though just red bean mochi!!!)
Thank you ^^ Haha, this makes me happy.. Oversharing on the internet- I do it to provide hope and so other mentally ill people can see a mentally ill person online and in a way to have some kind of legacy... I like to go to old websites of queer people and read their zines and things.. It's one reason try to be very transparent! It's also nice cause I have dissociaive amnesia and it comes and goes in intensity.. My website and artwork is a nice way to have some kind of catalogue/archive of my life..
"Parasocial" now has a bad connotation because it's used to just define someone being overly invested/creepy to another person (which is fair in the social media era), but it is very normal for humans to have one sided relationships with people they enjoy the works of.. I also follow people and love to see them grow and be happy. So please do not worry! I make my works to be shared and engaged with.. I often assume most of my writings are so self indulgent people won't care for them too much.. so it really means a lot to me that you have been cheeringn me on..
It's very hard being a minority and struggling with the things viewed as tickets to success (school, work, deadlines, etc) especially when you have an awareness that if you had the same capabilities as your peers, you'd be much better off.. But you know. It's good not to be harsh on yourself! Despair is awful. I used to sink into it, but well, you know, it's very hard to win.. Life is very unfair. You may try very hard and things can still fail. The probability for success for most things is low and when you lose, it hurts very badly. It hurts a lot.. But once you do it over and over, it's easier to cope with those feelings.. To be sad from something not working out is painful but so is giving into despair ^^ Constantly failing at my aspirations hurt a lot and it still hurts.. Sometimes for a long time, but then I get back up and try againn!!!! Haha.. like that one trolls song..
Your location can make things very hard though.. But do know I am cheering you on ^^ And wishing you so much happiness. Things have been hard for humans for a long time, centuries.. thousands of years.. But humans still recognize the importane of love and beauty and make art!!!!! When I sink into despair, I think of humans of the past!! And I try!! I keep trying!!! Because, why not, you know!!
Far too much to give a satisfactory answer. I have a page on my site that generates my top albums for the last three months using lastfm.
Lately I listen to Within the Depths of a Darkened Forest by Autumn's Grey Solace a lot though.. And like, for several years now I've been listening to Gregory and the Hawk for dozens of hours every year. I also consistently love Death Grips and Machine Girl. I don't listen as much as I used to because of my migraines but both bands have ambient tracks I still return to all the time.. I love Fashion Week.
To be honest, I get embarrassed about my music tastes LOL.... but my lastfm doesn't lie.
Hehe I love Aseroe I think they're very cute and they have no idea. It was fun redoing their sprites for the current version of Squid Girl World because I like how they look now.
Regarding their wings, it has to do with where they're from, but they're averse to discussing anything related to it though other characters can figure it out sometimes.. Aseroe just.. will not discuss it even they know someone else has realized.
yay! daughters. i hadn't drawn them together being tender in so long.. was fun.. drew during breakfast with friends ^^
I love Nettle. I excited for when he comes back (SOON). He'll be in some more episodes... Nettle would probably get along with Adelaide. Adelaide likes masculine lesbians in general and finds them useful, and she'd appreciate his strong convictions. Nettle likes other prickly people. It's something he respects and they'd probably be really Mean To Other People LOL.
Things about him. He has his own ship and he loves it much like Aseroe loved theirs but he likes his to a greater extent. Much of his behavior is based around morality which is one reason he doesn't care for kindness. He thinks kindness is expressed not through niceties or pleasantries but actual acts of good.
They seperated probably mutually because of basic incompatability. Nettle lives a life likely focused on ethical duties while Sepia lives a life focused on hedonism. Nettle struggles to tolerate this mindset in a longterm romantic partner, but Sepia gets agitated from any sort of tension.
They're still friendly for this reason lol. They both are (mostly) mature people who recognize that they just have different core beliefs on how to exist, and they probably were still intimate at times before Aseroe's arrival LOL. Not every time Nettle checked on Sepia but surely sometimes.. Sepia.. Sighs..
SMILES. I feel like I don't read or watch enough to confidently answer this, but know it's something I'm working on!
BOOKS
I don't have any favorite authors yet but I want to read more by Zora Neale Hurston and Stephen Graham Jones (the author of My Heart is a Chainsaw). My current job allows books in the breakroom, so I think I will try to collect some physicals again.
MOVIES
My favorite directors are Jordan Peele and Ari Aster and my favorite movies by them are Us and Midsommar. I like everything the two make so I felt it'd be weird to not mention them. They are such unique movies. I can't just sit down and watch them but I think of them all the time.
None of these are yuri. I'm so sorry.
i hope to extend Ommatophilia and it will go more into this but you know LIFE, but do know i'm ALSO working on a random side project that goes more into it (it's not an RPG maker game and not a VN or a traditional game lol.. it's literally just a JavaScript project it uses no engine..).
i keep meaning to finish it for jams then going to hell.. maybe noise jam or mixed media... i even have art contributions for it.. but with those contributions it makes it even easier to put it off.. bc i wanna ask more people lol but i never ask people until i remember to LOL.
EDIT: I REALIZED I DIDN'T REALLY ANSWER THIS. I'VE DECIDED TO PUT IT IN MY FAQ
It's the lyrics.. Sucre does not want to listen to that particular song, but the other songs Snow listens to are likely like this even if they're not all by Tom Lehrer.
I imagine her listening to one other song in particular he absolutely can't stand but I won't say what it is because I hope to include it in a future episode someday. It was in the original draft but So Long, Mom just feels really good there for a variety of reasons.
I decided to read Narcissu 1 today since it's free on Steam and I knew I could read it in a sitting and wanted to consume Something before bed ^^
I enjoyed it though it took me a moment. I enjoy stories about illness and finding happiness despite being ill.. I talked about it with Spiral Egg somewhere I think but I'm surrounded by illness... Illness goes unseen. It's something you feel as though you can't discuss with people because you know.. It's so heavy ^^
It's one reason I love those works.. It reminds me people know the ill exist, and lately in life I've gotten better at talking about the chronic illness and death that is following me.. If people talk about it or make more works about it.. it makes ill people feel more human, and I hope it makes their loved ones treat them in a more human way.
I mean.. TERMINAL ILLNESS SUCKS. But removing the agency of the ill and their loved ones is so common.. And then.. you just become.. someone who is ill.. or the friend with a loved one who has cancer or something.. I think of my grandad. I think so many people who knew him at the end of his life just thought of him as someone who had dementia, but you know ^^
The tension between the protagonist and deuteragonist is pleasant to me.. And I enjoyed the ending and their progression. There's this trope I love.. when I think about it, I call it the end of the world. It often involves chronically ill people or people running from the law or some other things.. It is not the actual end of the world.. but it is the end of your world. Much can happen. A lot of these stories raise the stakes quickly, but I liked... the melancholia of this story and it's slowness...
HAHA. Anyways that is to say- I really liked it!!! It's also menhera to me and I'm always looking for media like that. Thank you for mentioning it here and for being so kind about my own work.. I hope to read 2!!! Soon!!
I wish I recalled ^^; But it's just.. one of a million JP fetish eroge that romanticizes abuse without much substance. Boring and uncomfortable with no reward. I'd feel bad naming it though I'm sure I could find it easily.. It is just.. another work that writes mentally ill women/lesbians in a way that makes me roll my eyes haha.
I'm really happy you liked Spiral Egg Challenge! i'm reading a VN rn and it also reminds me of Spiral Egg.. i love.. works with focuses on sickness. As I play this VN (Narcissus), the music reminds me of Dog Island. it's a game i played as a child with a large focus on sickness too..
Aseroe probably was confused and perturbed about Sucre's treatment of them, but it's because Sucre clocked that Aseroe had autism very quickly for reasons and well.. The way Sucre treats Aseroe extends to many aspects of their relationship, so it's something they enjoy from Sucre in particular but they dislike being babied by others.. But Sucre is good at allowing that not to happen.
Sucre distanced himself for a variety of reasons but the main reason is because he was doing other things LOL and Snow lowered in his priorities as time passed, especially after they broke up. Sucre spends the most time with his partners or doing other things related to romance and intimacy because of the kind of person he is, even without Aseroe at times. He's basically always romantic and touchy feely, but it feels awkward to do this with someone who is very emotional about you...
He still deeply cared for Snow though, but .. He and Snow grew up together then went straight to Reaper Training, so post training, you know.. he wanted to live his life haha.
he's one of my favorite characters... squid girl world is one of my favorite works to write even if it is in constant state of wip.. thanks for the question!!
I like every HC charatcer honestly. I enjoy Vincent quite a bit. He reminds of my middle school self and as I get older, I find people who communicate in a similar way to him... The things I dislike about Vincent as a person are the reasons I like him... In that I don't think I'd like him very much if I encountered him even outside of the cult things.
Charles is my true favorite Hello Charlotte character. I also love Anri. She is nothing like me LOL, but I've known people like her and have been in similar situations to her and Charles. They are so high school. Can you tell I enjoy Heaven's Gate? I think that's when they are most high school, but even outside of HG, I like all of them.. I enjoy that the HC characters feel like.. Vessels the same way I feel about characters as a whole. It means the way I feel about them ends up a bit.. abstract because of how they exist in the HC universe.
I don't remember Bennet super well. I don't recall much extended time being spent with him. He's in Etherane's new work (in progress) right, so I think I may stronger feelings there possibly? I love Felix though. I enjoy him... I enjoyed him more as my sisters and cousins aged with me. His entire character reminds me of that awkward time you have when your family members reach an age where they may choose to distance themselves from you but there's still love there.
The way he acts around Charlotte reminds me of the distance you end up getting with loved ones when they discover something about you like queerness or mental illness.. he's good. I really like the tenants of the House because they are locked to The House in a way other characters in world Are Not.., My favorite tenant is Aiden. He is very special to me even though no one talks about him ever.
With shipping, I view it as a fandom activity. It is what they do, and well, fandom activities tend to keep works alive for years, so I don't hate them.. I'm sure many people who do that are the reason artists can thrive.. It is just somewhat seperate from me. Shipping is not something I do very often because my romantic feelings and detection skills tend to be like.... In the abyss. I can't even detect actual romance in works at times. I also don't know anything about the shipping in HC.... My interactions with other HC fans have primarily been with people who kin the characters.
Etherane's other works I enjoy. I really enjoy playing everything Etherane makes. People sometimes say playing HC is not fun at all but it's a DELIGHT FOR ME 99% OF THE TIME.
I've played all of them, but did not finish Delirium (though I could if I really wanted to. i say i love HC games but I don't like running around mazes with things I can't see in the dark and that's at the end of that game). I didn't get the true ending of twc which means I have no strong feelings because I don't what was happening LOL, but I did enjoy TWC I just.. never went back for the true ending because I didn't really know it existed since I played it Right After It Released and didn't know other etherane fans.. But I really did like the art and would like to go back to it..
I love Mr. Rainer's Secret Solve It Service- I remember playing it and thinking it was one of Etherane's best. That work is crazy to me in scale, and it's a nice balance of Etherane's strange game design and writing which I think TWC lacked...
I must admit unfortunately.. have amnesia HAHA. I've played HC since I played MRSIS so I remember it very well but MRSIS is actually.. harder to recall. I had an open save when I was trying to replay MRSIS on my Steam Deck but unfortunately my Steam Deck needs to be repaired...But it's an HTML5 file.. I could play it on my ipad... Thank u for sending this ask I now have something to keep me busy on the Bus.
Despite my amnesia, I remember feeligns I had at the time and talking a lot about MRSIS.. I replayed HC because it was my foggiest memory and it's talked about so much and I wanted to be able to talk about it with other people who liked it... it was also the most approachable since the endings are.. easy to obtain *looks at MRSIS*
HAHAHAAHAHAAHA. Well.
I don't try to have any strong feelings about kinlists. I am not particularly fond of them but it's mainly because I consume media in a different way and I was on Tumblr when kin and adjacent drama was was insane and I was unfortunately there.
I still form strong attachments to characters too, but I just think that's normal because characters are vessels for an writers/artists' ideas.... And since I think of them as vessels which is the opposite of.. Kinning. I've sort of always had this belief but it's easy to want to own characters and Be them. It's something I try not to think about.. Psychosis.
But do know many of my close friends have kinlists or even fully ID as characters and I don't give a fuck lolll. I respect it and may send them art of characters they ID with since I sometimes like those characters too.. It's scary to me partially though because kinnies (and also yumes) sometimes feel ownership over a character so I don't want them in the same spaces at times LOL but I can't control that LOL. It's something I can understand as a mentally ill person but something I can't really entertain.
(ALSO IM NGL I WAS IN A FINAL FANTASY HOUSE ASS SITUATION WITH SOME REALLY INSANE PEOPLE.. SO I THINK MY BIAS AGAINST IT IS A BIT............................. JUST KNOW I WAS THERE. I WAS IN THE DARK...)
I want to say it's hard to answer, but it is not. My favorite Vocaloid songs are mostly contained within Happiness Series, and this has been the case for probably over a decade now.
It tends to rotate between everything in that series (excluding Not a Dream, Not a Lie, a Happy Scene Before My Eyes and You're Seriously Mad? I'm Not Mistaken Here but I do like them.. just not in my favorite rotation).
I haven't, but the reason is because whenever I look up FNS, there are guides for how to consume it... I think I have an old FNS Ultimate Edition on my drive, but I think it's older fan translation that released before the official translation.. and the fan translation I was recommended not to read.. I know there's an official release now... But... The ultimate edition has some things not in the official release.... sighs..
With things I dislike in VNs, I just find a lot of toxicity boring... Outright disdain of toxicity is boring, outright fetishism is boring, and outright romanticism is often boring too... I will read it in manga but in VNs it can really annoy me.. They are so much longer. There was a VN really popular in my spheres I hated.. People assumed it was because it made me uncomfortable which it did, but I also found it boring. The things that make me uncomfortable I don't read I usually find boring... There is a way women can be written that bores me but it is hard to explain, but it's common in Japanese works... eroge... Sighs...
It's hard for me to talk about tropes I dislike since many of my peers like tropes I like, and I will read their works and enjoy them despite them containing things I am not fond of... But the things I dislike Kunihiko Ikuhara also dislikes. I love Revolutionary Girl Utena (anime).
of course ^^ maybe if you email me i'll give you my playlist haha!! i'm really happy it made your day!!!!
Smiles.. I'm happy to bring joy.
I do wish I had a method, but really, mm.. My characters may start out empty but they develop. Writing and development is my favorite part of creation. Even the designs, while they are cute girls, all have like.. reasons / things I think about.
IE. Aiyana was originally going to be a lolita, but I just kept thinking her design would make her small.. Tear dropped shaped. I thought of her as modest girl... Instead of big curls I usually give characters, I gave her long braids to add to her.. smallness. Her hoops are there because I associate them with the South ahah, but I gave her layers because I think she's most comfortable in them. I wanted to figure out how she lived but didn't think she was on government assistance. Translation culture was interesting to me at the time and it allowed for her to work from home..
I cut out the fat... I really love writing families but there's no room, so I tend to imply it, but you know, it's in my mind, how their family resulted in them behaving as they aged.. The way people feel about affection often influenced by family dynamics. It's on my mind a lot..
Mm and I like to make inspo boards too.. Though with WIILTT I didn't make too many. I listened to a lot of maidcore haha... I just kept thinking of Aiyana's and Emma's life as endless droning.. So I'd make these big melancholic maidcore lists....
That is just one example though ^^
There's a possibiltiy Eleanor would think Aiyana hates her because Aiyana dislikes talking and Eleanor is not sure how to cope with that... Also same, with Aiyana. Eleanor can come as standoffish but she isn't actually.
They'd also probably be awkward around one another.. Like, if everyone leaves the room, they'd just be looking at each other LOL. They communicate so differently.
Aiyana would probably get along better with Calliope in a one on one scenario... Eleanor is hard to talk to.. She has a very narrow range of interests. I do like to think about specific scenarios with them though.. Menhera homebound girls meet up and everyone suffers.
Smiles.. lesbianism.
Well, Eva thinks Adelaide is very hot for one. LOL. She loves being with this tall mean frilly woman. She likely thought Adelaide was attractive for a very long time, and she clued in on Adelaide's deal very quickly because she is good at that sorrt of thing. She finds Adelaide's constant self exertion to be an attractive thing even if she wishes she'd cool off. She really LOVES when Adelaide asks for her help. To have someone who is so focused on being independent rely on and love her makes her insane. She enjoys getting to know Eva, and she also likes being around her. A lot of the things that'd be turn offs for others like her harshness end up making Eva crazy because she's just.. She REALLY LIKES IT.
Adelaide would likely struggle to identify why she likes Eva, but if she really were pushed (or drunk), she'd probably say she likes how self assured she is... Adelaide finds Eva attractive too.. She probably finds her a bit dollish. It's why she wants to dress her up and put her in cute things.. She'd put Eva in a doll house if she could. But she likes that Eva is still.. her own person. She also likes that Eva can Do Tasks.. Adelaide finds a Useful Lesbian to be the most attractive kind of girl. Adelaide, most of all, enjoys that Eva is willingly hers. Even if she pushes Eva away, Evangeline is so loyal...
Emma would think everything about Aiyana is cute because she's programmed to in a way lol, but you know, she'd learn to find certain things about her cute. She'd likely like their size difference, but she'd like if Aiyana gained weight to.. Emma would always be stronger than Aiyana because of her Robot Body... She thinks Aiyana's focus on media and consumption/distribution of it is cute. She likes her tone of speaking.. calm steady.. She likes her cute nightgowns and her willingness to do most things.
Aiyana... hm. Aiyana would struggle to articulate what she likes about Emma- likely focusing on her reliability. She'd be flustered if asked about Emma's appearance but admit she does find her attractive but doesn't think about those things... She'd maybe describe Emma as cute.. in that she sings in the kitchen and acts like a cat, but she'd feel weird about it since Emma is a robot. But you know, she very much likes a lot of Emma's physical traits.
Calliope likes that Eleanor is a fucking weirdo- she even likes her mental instability even if it causes problems. Eleanor is a very like.. Intense person and it's something Calliope likes very much. A lot of things Eleanor inteprets as being bad about herself are things Calliope adores. She also thinks Eleanor is very attractive.
Eleanor likes.. Calliope.. She likes how smart she is.. And she feels like Calliope is a calming presence.. She finds her pretty too, in a way she admires. She feels like Calliope is a whole developed person. She's charming and good at making friends, yet Cali chose Eleanor.. And she continues to choose her over and over again.
Eleanor and Calliope are on very similar wavelengths too.. They are similar people who are into fucked up jokes and talking shit about others lol. I said earlier they wouldn't consider a lot ita but the thing is if they both saw something they disliked, they'd hold their tongue and then go talk shit in a restroom somewhere.. They're MESSYYYY. And they love it. I don't think Eleanor realizes the extent that Calliope is like her but she knows she does love when they are together.
These are simple... Yuri.
I make them!! OMG.. HAHA. RPG Maker is my true love. I just got really into VNs I needed to.. Think. (I worked on an RPG Maker game called Ommatophilia for four years and I still feel like it's not finished LOL).
My most popular game is Meat Girl which is an RPG Maker game ^^
My game I'll be working on after Ryona Jam is an RPG Maker game! To be honest, my goal is to shift back to RPG Maker games and mainly work on Squid Girl World as my VN project.. Um, I mainly post about plans on Patreon so it's hard to know what I'm doing.. SNS is not super viable for posting game dev before it's in a state of making people go "wow this looks cool" and I still figuring out basic stuff.
Also with RPG Maker I have to sit.. I like VNRPGs like Meat Girl but I enjoy random mechanics you can include in RPG maker.. I like to use them for storytelling but it requires thought.
My RPG Maker games thus far are:
I am currently working on my bug game! Mixed Media jam starts tomorrow, so I'm going to be working on it for that! I have a job now so I am mainly focusing on polishing my old games and this longer(ish) project. I consider Ommatophilia to be finished but it needs a side story.. Meat Girl I'm thinking about porting to MZ for mac builds.. And I work on DreamNet every year for the Dream Diary Jam.
Mixed Media Jam is from February to June and it's quite low stakes since it's not a competition and allows prior work so I am looking forward to it ^^ I haven't worked with existing tiles before ^^ I've mainly been trying to figure out the style before the jam.. I gonna go crazy after me and friends are done with Ryona!!
For a second I was confused then I realized you were talking about Dorei-San!! Dorei-San is not my OC. Dorei is a Nijiura Maid! Umm, so is the girl with her in that image- Yakui-san. They are just.. old Japanese imageboard characters. Dorei-san's origins are not holy since she really is just a racism/dark skinned joke, but I am fond of her. Yakui-san is not holy due to being drug joke but she has retained popularity. They have anotherfrined who is a sexually provocative sentient corpse who I think is still drawn but not on the same level as Yakui.
They are like mascots so you can really just assign personalities to them. Dorei-San is typically depicted as being hardworking and friends with other unacceptable/offensive maids (ie the corpse up top is used for hot dead woman jokes). She's also friends with Yakui who I like a bit more since she has a personality that I can work with.
I have a Patreon ramble about her but I will compress.. People do not draw her because of the dark skinned slave joke.. but... I just get sad. I mean I know it's a shitty joke but shrugs, I mean.. I don't get why erasing her existence or not acknowleding it is the way to go.. So I like to repurpose her..
A lot of old art of her is from anonymous users on imageboards.. But a lot of the other maids are still drawn or used in things like maidcore.. So it's my personal mission to revive Dorei-San... I am bad at this mission though. I collect art of her where I can.. Find her on boorus, pixiv, old imageboard image reuploads, etc. I still need to draw her more myself though.. Maybe I should make a shrine to spread my gospel..
In way I feel like I am reclaiming her~ Sure she was a dark skinned slave joke but.. Many ancestors were.. enslaved maids... So it feels a bit good to draw her and flip her over in my head.. She's drawn so infrequently and often differently that I can really just draw her however I want.. I'm still figuring out the ideal way.. Here is an old image board drawing I like but know she has other depictions too. She varies a lot.
Honestly.... Probably lesbianism. Adelaide likes Aiyana's appearance and general demeanor even if she isn't keenly aware of it. The girls she deems as special are people who display 'otherness' in a way that's hard for her to understand and it's something she finds herself drawn to.. Aiyana is visibly mentally ill and always isolated.. it appealed to her at the time.
I don't have drawings of Aiyana and Adelaide together.. So many things to make...
Vivienne and Maya met normal style. LOL. I genuinely think they just ran into each other in a public space like a grocery store or something and was like "another alternative girl.. lesbian time" and then got to know each other from there. I like to think Maya ran into Vivienne working at a grocery store and detected her alt girl swag even while she was toned down for work.
Their relationship probably just became romantic rather than the two ever properly making things official.. Communication skills of slime. They rely on mutual understanding gained through time spent together but forget about the power of Using Your Words.
I haven't read this one so into my list!!! I'm going to include manga and manwha ^^
My favorite yuri in high school was Sweet Blue Flowers which I want to reread because I think it'll be fascinating with all I know about yuri historically now, but as an adult, my favorite yuri manga is Shimeji Simulation probably.
My favorite 18+ one is Sadistic Beauty: Epilogue (Sadistic Beauty: Oejeon A). I didn't read the main story lol. I like that manga for a wide variety of reasons..
It takes a lot for me to really like things. I read a lot just for fun that doesn't end up being a favorite but I still think about.. I enjoyed Anata ni Ai wo Anata ni Hana wo a lot which is a short NSFW doujin I found soulful. I like it's set up of scenes and the delicacy of the intimacy and when they choose to engage or not engage in it. The art is also cute.. Elves.
Jjaksarangeul Kkeunnaeneun Bangbeop (How to End an Unrequited Love) is one I also enjoyed which is about a girl who has failed in love over and over lol.. The side stories are fun if I remember correctly. I remember it pissing me off then I went "oh.." I should reread it.
Other things could be considered 'technically yuri' but are not classed as that in genre.. like I love Inside Mari.. Yokohoma Kaidahsi Kikou is also one of my favorite manga which is not yuri but probably is on a yuri list somewhere (who would've fucking guessed i love that manga LOL).
I have a media page but haven't set up my filters yet, so it's messy right now and full of my cringe.. It may be of interest.. But well, I haven't been tracking everything i read there because I treat manga like I'm stuffing my face full of popcorn at times. GUH. It makes me mad.
Too many things I didn't track because it was short... Enraging. Why that dev would shut everything down with no way to export your stuff in a CSV or anything is beyond me but closes my eyes... Whatever. It is my fault for not putting everything on MyAniList..
Humans ar e
silly and petty and this includes me. Envy is a very strong and real emotion for me. I haven't dated many people, but my friendships tend to be very strong and intense longlasting things I may end for the same reason romantic relationships end..
With envy, I try not to pay any mind, but this has gotten easier with years of practice.I do not keep up with people I disconnect from (which to me is the good and holy way), so I never know how they are doing, but you know, due to the nature of being online, it is easy to see others randomly... I will get anxious or envious at the worst of times, but... I feel cheesy saying this but I tend to practice mindfulness and other DBT techniques.
But early on, I can feel really bad. I have to go back to basics because being 'calm' is no longer my default. I do things to remind myself I'm a a whole defined person who exists uniquely. It's much easier, but it took a while to reach that point of doing it naturally. I had to practice through everything.. Throuugh every insecure thought, through my despair, through sleep deprivation..
But you know, coping doesn't get rid of envy!!! It's an emotion you feel and emotions are never reaosnable. It'll be uncomfortable even as you work through it and painful, but honestly, I'm somone who sits with my feelings... Sticking hands in them, lathering self in them if I can't get rid of them.
Breakups are hard and inspire lots of feelings.. Pushing them down won't help.. But know it's not shameful to hangout with friends and tell them about breakup struggles or just do something fun. Yapping and laughter is good medicine! It can feel petty to talk about your partner, but the best thing to keep in mind is you're not gossiping or talking shit, just explainining your feelings to a friend you want to support you
But being alone good too.. I listen to a lot of music about envy... It ends up being petty, but humans are just creatures. Sometimes you have to be silly. Sharing my playlist would be embarrassing but some songs I like are I Can Only Be Me by Mars Argo and smiles.. I like female rappers like Meghan the Stallion a lot.. Songs like Hiss and Her. Also like, Options by Eeimaj... It can make me focus more on myself when doing an activity, and liek.. all of those woman are cooler and prettier than me LOL, but you know, a lot of these lyrics are about being unbothered and loving themselves but they're writing about hatred they're experiencing.. So it's not shameful to feel jealousy or envy.. But use it to boost your own ego!! Even if it's temporary and to not ler yourself get swallowed by the envy.. And you know HAHA maybe you won't like the music I like, but a lot of that sort of thing exists in all genres (god.. especially emo music lol).. That's just what works for me when I'm like.. Trying to focus more on myself!
And of course, it's good to not reflect on others all the time since you don't wanna think of them when you're doing something good for yourself (like stopping smoking ^^ congratulations that's awesome. or working out- that's great too, congrats! i don't care why you did it but i'm happy it's a journey you're taking! your college journey is entirely different from your partners' too so i hope you enjoy it). Chances are you find some joy in these things you are envious of. If you workout, do you enjoy it? Do you have a favorite thing you do? Have you looked into people in fitness you'd like? If you stopped smoking, do you tell your friends about it? Do they celebrate with you? Do you keep track of your own milestones? Unless you stop these hobbies, you will likely still think of your ex sometimes.. it's hard to rid associations. Bt like, maybe you can go somewhere and hangout and think about the smell of smoke not being on your clothes... or maybe fitness will allow oyu to get into new activities! I play Just Dance and hike lol but you know.. all the people who introduced me to fitness don't do that stuff at all!
And honestly, with all of that, I may still feel those feelings.. But sometimes, I tell myself I am not.. Fake it til you make it.. It may not be the best early on but you know.. It's kind of double edged sword in that at times, for me, telling myself I'm unbothered can result in rumination, so like, don't do that if that's a huge problem LOL, but for me all of the above is sort of.. A path to the unbothered feeling.. Focusing on self, having fun with friends, being best self.. Choosing happiness.. It is a mantra of being unbothered but it truly is "choosing" it to me, even if it's a choice you are actively making that you can't do perfectly. You
Hope that wasn't soo silly and made sense haha! Envy is weird feeling. I'v'e had to deal with it my entire life and really only got better at it in my 20s!
My VNs are in fictional locations, so America is not real! I like to mix and match stuff for that reason especially like bus announcements or putting Northern plants in Southern inspired towns!
HA! ^^ Calliope and Adelaide and Eleanor are weird cause I'm an old schooler and even modern lolita I draw with old tastes, but I do think they'd enjoy modern EGL too- I just have things I prefer to draw. Calliope specifically would enjoy prints a lot. They'd all agree Metamorphose is very good.
Eleanor and Adelaide would enjoy Marble, N+ah, and Sheglit.. They have similar tastes and most of their conversations likely revolved around new releases. Adelaide is a bit more OTT than Eleanor but they still have so much overlap. They probbly still randomly see a major release and message each other haha... Eleanor in all caps and Adelaide with restrained excitement.
Adelaide would also enjoy OTT solid releases from Angelic like Strawberry Shortcake OP, but she'd prefer things liek Metamorphose, Physical Drop, and likely things like Elizabeth OP by Baby. She enjoys big skirts.
Calliope would enjoy Angelic Pretty (naturally), but she'd also like a lot of sweet taobao brands that I can't name because I don't wear Sweet. Calliope has the most diverse taste of the girls. She'd wear gothic and shiro too.
Adelaide would not like brands like Majoh, but Eleanor would. I think Adelaide would dislike a lot of the street CN lolita while Eleanor would enjoy it.. Adelaide would enjoy seeing Eleanor in it and probably have her idea of lolita expanded upon by Eleanor's edginess at times.. Eleanor likes guro and punky stuff and bends rules a lot.
I think all three expand each other's minds and things they don't like they end up liking on each other.. They'd probably only consider someone not learning about lolita and making bad coords with no respect for the fashion 'ita.' They are lifestylers so they've all worn mid coords and have filler pieces.. To them it's just clothes..
Though Adelaide is a bit weird about it after college.. As she ages, she likely goes more OTT and gets more refined (though she's just a girl so she can't be perfect everyday, but looking off really disturbs her). She likely views more dramatic lolita as suitable for someone her age.. but Eleanor and Calliope are very open to being casual and wearing things like proto.. Adelaide would probably be into it too if she were still around Calliope and Eleanor. Adelaide is probably the only lolita in her town (or at least the only lifestyler).
Eleanor drops out haha. She never gets her degree but she goes back to college for a while. But she ends up focusing on herself and freedom.. She fails her classes, so she does lose her scholarships and have to stop attending. She lives though.
Cali and Eleanor met online probably on something like Tumblr as teenagers. Eleanor and Calliope likely have many struggles.. I hope to make a sidestory discussing Calliope within the next year or so in the 'final' version of RehAIbilitation that addresses Cali's burnout properly and how the two deal with it.
i miss them..
Adelaide is harsh on everyone and expects most people to do "good" work... but Adelaide has weird feelings about Emma since she partially contributed to her existence. She's irritated that Aiyana isn't 'progressing' but she doesn't see Emma as a complete failure because Aiyana has a job and is looking healthy and mostly happy..
But Adelaide feels disturbed by Aiyana still.. Her eating habits, her lack of friends, her homebody tendencies, etc... She wishes Emma would push Aiyana further.. But of course, she knows she shouldn't give suggestions to Emma now ^^;
Aiyana avoids human counterparts because she does not want to have much on her record, and she also will just shut down. Eleanor likely gets to a point of seeming 'okay' with her therapists or just not knowing what to talk about and then breaks off..
And regarding AI, I have very specific feelings about AI as someone who hates openAI and Midjourney but does enjoy LLM technology when hosted on a small scale (locally usually but i'm also not averse to a company hosting it).
I'm at a point where I genuinely don't think it's possible to have an AI do anything therapeutic Officially because therapists often don't even know what they're doing and are learning over time as they get to know their patient.. It's just that people are more likely to open up to something that is Not alive, so I don't think its use cases are completely out of the question. But the problem is you need to have safeguards for the average user, but when someone is opening up to a machine and they encounter these safeguards, they have a tendency to break them or spiral.
AI is constantly being used to generate new information but really to me it should be locked to behaving in certain ways with very specific focuses. IE having a person talk to an AI and having that be routed to an actual Human who can do something With That Data makes sense to me. To me a lot of problems in the psychiatric field atm are due to a lack of data that could easily be gathered.. I am especially interested in cases of personality disorders and schizophrenia because they are so hard to treat but also it seems like so little information exists for them... Patients refuse to open up about anything a lot of the time due to the nature of these disorders, but I think people with PDs and schizo-spec disorders would be more receptive to someone who is Not alive, but I also think it could make everything worse haha.
It'd require a kind of interdisciplinary crossover I'm not sure is possible with Silicon Valley being full of idiots and everyone hates AI now (for good reason.. thinks about anime girls pouring slog into my home city.. closes my eyes).
But I'll.. always like Local LLM stuff... The most popular use for AI is roleplay for context and that's how the hobby started.. It's just.. now it's being used for Google which is stupid.
But well, the reason I am not sure is because of the casees where OpenAI starts to give the user psychosis or convinces them to commit suicide. AI gets so weird because of the black box problem. Even the people who make these models including local ones don't know the internal workings delicately.. It's why I am just not sure.. most people should have access to it you know? Even if a model existed for therapeutic uses, I just feel like the two fields (CompSci / Psych) would ever be able to.. work compatibly.. Cross-disciplinary work is very hard.
Fun fact: AMA is based on the simple publicly accessible LLMs made in early days (when RehAIbilitation was made) where they were mostly predictive and said reasonable but comforting things with very strict safeguards while Emma is based on the LLMs that are so large that they just straight up break. She has safeguards to avoid sending user into psychosis or schizophrenia but one way LLM models break also is just by getting too horny so it was funny to write with Emma..
I like Adelaide :) Adelaide is not a trustworthy person to describe her own life due to the conflict of appearing to have a high ego while having a low self esteem. She believes her life has been good because she has been able to live self-suffienciently, but Aiyana is the opposite of everything Adelaide aspires to have for herself. This to Adelaide means Aiyana's life was worse because she failed to become a functioning adult capable of making decisions for herself.
Despite Adelaide's desire to be self sufficient, she is a very tired woman because she is constantly chasing self-suffiency.. She is envious of Aiyana having a house left to her and Aiyana's ability to just not participate in life.. while Adelaide feels like she must keep working, making stressful decisions, and keep pushing herself harder. She is constantly uncomfortable and stressed, hence her tendency to drink. She knows some aspects of her life are dysfunctional but she cannot identify how to fix it due to many of her problems being core parts of her personality, so she copes. Adelaide especially struggles with a lack of empathy.. She can understand other emotions from an objective viewpoint but she cannot.. feel them. But she also desires to not be a bad person despite knowing she can be cruel and at times sharp.
Regarding her family, Adelaide's relationship with her family.. is.. Like.. Her family had children to raise them to be functioning members of society. She keeps in contact with them and vice versa because it is useful. Everyone in her family views the family dynamic as one that is useful. You can always go back to family if everything goes wrong. She does not like relying on them but she knows if she needs to, she can. Her family has similar feelings about her. They'd probably be okay borrowing money from each other. They are all very reliable people, but they are not very friendly with one another outside of basic pleasantries. Her house had problems (ie the lack of emotional availability amongst everyone), but she'd never describe it as traumatic or abusive.
For this reason, Adelaide struggles to wrap her head around Aiyana's feelings about her mom and will listen with her eyebrows furrowed and with a frown. Even though she can't empathize, she recognizes why Aiyana is the way that she is, and her understanding of Aiyana increased during their time apart due to her degree and leaving her small town.... She does not want to involve herself a lot of the time, but she also does not think life is fair, so she doesn't mind helping Aiyana in unfair ways (ie giving Aiyana paperwork that describes her as being higher functioning than she is.)
To add on, Adelaide loves Aiyana very much. She does not want to help Aiyana, but she will if she feels like its a problem Aiyana cannot solve on her own. There are not many people Adelaide loves, and Aiyana is one of them. Even in their time apart, she thought about her and Aiyana influenced Adelaide's life choices in many ways...
For other notes, there are a few things that could've happened to Aiyana. It depends on if Aiyana would allow her family to easily take her things or if she got into a legal battle.. Her family is bad, but they do not express a desire to outright harm her- it's just their own desires tend to push Aiyana to the wayside. They would not leave her homeless, but she would not live an easy life either. Chances are she'd end up with some family members with some kind of guardian or in a home for disabled people. No one in her family would want to take care of Aiyana, but being her guardian would give them access to her resources and you know.. They want to take care of dead relative's disabled daughter in an abstract way. Keeping her in their house and doing the bare minimum or putting her in a home would be enough for them.
Regarding friendships, Adelaide is Aiyana's only friend (well not including Eva and Emma), but Aiyana did have acquiantances.. She was isolated but saw her family from time to time before her mother's death and the guardianship issues.. Adelaide doesn't like being her only friend but can't fix it, and she doesn't feel like she has room to talk. Her own friendships are usually born out of necessity or proximity, and they tend to fizzle out over time.. She gets along with other mentally ill women mostly, hence her continuing to be in contact with Calliope and Eleanor... Also she likes T4T friendships, but she just doesn't have anyone like that in her hometown...
WRROW that's crazy.. 2022 that's the year after I graduated high school HAHA. It's crazy to me that anyone from back then still is aware of me, especially since I left Neocities ^^; I assumed no one from there was keeping up with me outside of friends. Thank you for thinking I'm creative and fun!!!
I have a few game and other media recommendations in my likes but it's never harmful to recommend more ^^ I will just do lots of random ones that come to mind but try not to repeat myself!
RECOMMENDATIONS ABYSS (SOME R 18+)
There's lots of things I wanna play and have forgotten to mention here too!!!!! Honestly looking through jam pages is awesome. We just hosted Robotic Romance(RoRo)!! It's not all games because I'm trying to get into more mixed media jams but honestly i'd say give all of it a try!!! Some of my favorite non game entries I've read so far are Sparkfish and Ahodori!
THANKS FOR ASKING!!!!
It sparks joy to answer. I think about them a lot. I think Aiyana's mother tried very hard to raise Aiyana. They really did love each other very much, but Aiyana's mom was just raising a severely low functioning girl alone without a support network. She also had her own obsessive tendencies and wanted to avoid Aiyana making the same mistakes she did.
She likely picked and preened at her all the time. She wanted to keep Aiyana well read, keep her safe, clean, and most of all, she wanted her daughter to have some kind of legacy (hence the house stuff). Their relationship was likely defined by the two not wanting to fail the other but while also over relying on each other for any kind of support.
They were both home bodies. Aiyana's mom worked from home due to chronic illness. The two likely had no privacy.. No locked door household. Their life outside of perfectionism and preening was defined by doing normal things with too much closeness while not changing as Aiyana's aged. She probably never stopped bathing Aiyana or cooking for her, and she kept child locks on a lot of things... Aiyana's mother took care of everything that could be an issue leaving Aiyana lacking basic skills.
Aiyana also likely had to help her mom a lot as her illness progressed. Aiyana's mom wouldn't know about Adelaide because she was so caught up in her stress whether or not Aiyana told her. To Aiyana's mom, anyone at school was 'a little school friend.' Their relationship became defined by the two talking at each other but not really listening.. So Aiyana probably tried to tell her..
When Aiyana realized she was a lesbian, she probably became more tightlipped about Adelaide's existence because she's bad at keeping secrets... But her mom never asked either... I don't think Aiyana's mother ever was outwardly homophobic around Aiyana, but she raised her with a focus on her relationship with men and being safe from them, especially since Aiyana has a neurodevelopmental disorder. I don't think Aiyana knew how her Mom would react to her sexuality deviating from how she'd been raised, so it was something she never shared with her.
Aiyana probably tries hard not to think about her mother extensively. She likely fixated on her way too much in a way that makes her feel shameful, but she also wishes she could've had the chance to grow with her mom and like.. Have a normal relationship. Maybe her mother could've been at her wedding. Maybe she would've recovered if she went to the doctor... She wonders about what could've been.
No! But I am happy you asked. I imagine it's because of her headwrap. Aiyana's headwrap is purely ornamental in nature- likely having religious significance further back in her lineage but becoming ornamental for the youth in her culture.
For Aiyana in particular, she likely struggled with doing her hair when she was younger. The headscarf acted as an easy way to style her hair while also being culturally significant to her. She likely stopped wearning them at some point after her mother died, but she's not averse to them.. But she has Emma to help her do her hair all the time!
(That is to say, I do think people in Aiyana's family are still religious, but she was a bit isolated)
i'd like to! i like dolls as inanimate objects a lot. in, Ib i enjoy them and mad father too even though mad father wasn't particular unique with its depiction... i also liked Bokura no Ai wa Kimochi Warui a lot when i was reading it.. though that was ages ago ahaha! the first few chapters inspired me at the time.
in truth, i have strange feelings about dolls. it is hard for me to think about toys because i think of souls being attached to objects, and many toys ultimately get disposed of or broken. the toys i had in childhood that i no longer have i still think about it can distress me...
there's this song called breaking things into pieces and it is how i feel (in an abstract way). i haven't written about them yet because that feeling was so horrific to me..
but i actually got over that fear this year even if those feelings are still strong for me and i love toys again! when i love things, i begin to write about them. and i love toys. dolls are my favorite!
I actually don't know if this has been asked in relation to me Starting to dev ahaha! RPG Maker has been a special interest since the early RPG horror blew up, but I recognize a lot of the classic titles would be a boring answer, so I'll go into some detail for later in life.
At age 16(?), I played Hello Charlotte which as probably a huge catalyst for me going back to game development. It's technically in that category of RPG Maker horror about a strange girl but it's story is told in a unique way and goes more towards VNRPG (visual novel rpg) than a lot of the classics did. That format is like drugs to me.
I also played the 8:11 demo, and that game really motivated me.. I at some point befriended the developer and seeing his work style did something to my brain.. He developed maps in a similar way to me but he works on a larger scale and it's hard for me to wrap my head around. I played a lot of indie games on itchio to get my brain into gear really though 8:11 is the most memorable after all this time. It day 2 of Omma HAHA. I really like churches in games now though. I see they are in many RPGs.
Um regarding visual novels, a lot of the VNs that inspired me are no longer publicly available on the internet, but one in particular is Liar Liar by tokimekiwaku. It's structure and styled inspired the first VN I made in high school. Obviously I don't make stuff like that right now but I'm still fond of choose your path horror stuff.
It took me a while to really figure out my voice as I developed VNs cause I had taken a break from writing longform fiction because of depression and my art focus in HS, but I certainly took inspo from HeartLovePowerTemple and many other VNs released for other jams I partook in early on (ie I love Spiral Egg Challenge and it's use of art and real life images of cooking and the topics really resonate with me). I like the designs and names in Spiral Egg Challenge a lot (I think about Fabric Johnson all the time). It winning VNCup menat a lot to me for reasons that are hard to articulate. For something to resonate with me so much in the way that it did and also win.. It gave me a confidence to continue to be true to myself... It means more to me than I can probably ever properly articulate..
Really, with VNCup and other jams like that, a lot of VNs released in the events I enjoy are focused on messy relationships between girls which I like.. I enjoy things that blur the line between general toxicity and abuse and also sometimes people are just mentally ill but not outright harmful towards their friends but have the potential to be if in another situation. So yummy.
Also, denpa as a whole. I've always sort of liked it before I knew that term, but I learned about it in my teens. I still think I take inspiration from Song of Saya (VNDB) even after all this time (despite my habit of making fun of Urobochi at times). It certainly will inspire me forever whether or not I choose to talk about it. It was the first denpa VN I read and it did something to me. The sound direction, visuals, and (some) of the character designs really do a lot to me... It's a VN I'd never want to make myself but echoes of it resound in my tastes forever.
But I do prefer things like Soundless (VNDB) which I've talked about over and over so I will spare details... It is admittedly hard to define denpa as a genre and not going to lie, I actually don't care that much about the true definition because the legacy of those works are seen throughout the other works I love very much BUT visual novels (and other mediums) that fit in that category are quite special to me.. Even if I haven't written a released an denpa work myself yet haha!
(While I'm here.. I should gather Fabric's sprites.. Top tier design truly)..
Thank you!! I relally appreciate it!!!
Anyone can link me with the buttons!!! I made them before I had friends on the small web even!! And not everyone I have linked is my friend either!!
TLDR: yes using my buttons is encouraged!!
Ah hi, thank you so much. This really means a lot to me.. RehAI and WIILTT are both stories that are dear to me. It's nice knowing people read them, even as RehAI and WIILTT ages. All of my works are special to me, but lolita focused yuri in these slice-of-life situations feels very good. It's my soul in a novel in a way- my essence distilled.
I hope to not disappoint! Though if I do, I hope you give me the chance to make it up to you ^^
One day I hope to get emojis of my daughters...
Yes do as you like. You are free to share it with me in my guestbook if you want
No. The game industry is really bad. It requires secrecy because it's full of developers who can be fired at any moment. All some developers have in that industry is the ability to program things that are difficult to make from scratch- to have their code be readily available would not benefit them in an industry that is so cut throat.
I think it would be nice if more indie devs did, but even then, that mindset trickles down. So many indies will never make a living wage on their games and to release their code would allow people with a lot more resources to profit off of their work. We know companies with more money wouldn't hesitate to use a devs' code in the worst way possible. This is an unnerving feeling.
It's unfortunate and a reason I actually struggle with getting into Godot and things. So much code just isn't readily available like in other engines I like. Much must be built from scratch or using plugins that may have issues that you can't figure out how to solve while in RPG maker, there's often a million plugins for one different thing.
It's why I asked Basicbean's help with the dollmaker template. I think Godot is really convenient but there's just not many resources for it and most artists Aren't programmers and don't have time or patience to be programmers. And I love games by people who lean more towards the art side/writing than the developer side.. It's why engines like RPG Maker are everlasting too.. Works for artists in a way many game engines don't.
I don't think the above is good or anything. The game industry is a beast and artists (and programmers in art industries) have to try hard to protect their jobs due to constantly being abused by people in power, especially with all the cases of developers being fired right after a game releases only for the project / base code to be handed other people who are less skilled. So many of my favorite games have been ruined by this practice too because a good skeleton still requires meat.
It's worse because now the game industry and other art industries are benefitting off the work of artists they refuse to hire or even acknowledge the existance of with giant AI things that scrape every little thing on the internet. Things have the potential to change but.. smiles, I think a lot of AAA corporations have to die and more avenues need to exist for game developers to earn revenue (IE Itchio being really the only place for poor Western indie developers without publishers is terrible while having the moderation team be the way that it is not helping anything). I really do think so many problems are the result of AAA industries snuffing out everyone they can.
That is to say, I do think indies are doing well in recent years but even then, a lot of the indies in high regard (ie Hollow Knight) may not be AAA but they still have so many resources me and my dev peers don't have so I consider them to be seperate from the problems we are experiencing, even if they have other struggles. Tap tap, I've had conversations with larger indie people in the industry who don't even KNOW the situation on Itchio right now.. They are not my kin.
TLDR: When art is made for the sake of profits over the sake of creating, people are less likely to help each other and the game industry loves when developers feel like they are going to starve. To help others is a luxury developers typically don't have the luxury of doing.
FOSS is the good and holy way. Any time I say I hate it, it is like having an argument with a sibling I adore but get tired of. Game dev for solo developers requires being cautious of who you put your trust in but with Free and Open Source, when you download the software, it's yours really. FOSS is also what you have to turn to a lot of the time if you use Linux which makes it a godsend for diversity of OS usage.
BUT. Unfortunately I find that FOSS tends to have issues with usability and the communities around them. Looking up an issue may result in "it works on my machine" attitude or you may just find a bug that is unfixable... And it's enraging because somoene may have fixed it but forums and Discords for a lot of it can be long-dead unfortunately since people in these communities frequently keep to themselves.
Still, really I love FOSS. I use Aseprite. It started out as FOSS, and it's excellent because I use Aseprite forks on my iPad. For game engines, FOSS is good because game engine distributors randomly change their terms. I'd never use Unity for game dev and I am averse to Gamemaker because of the fuckery of the company. I do think both are useful. I do use Unity for some things- corporate backed things have the ability to make a lot of software that would take a lot of manpower that can't be funneled into FOSS projects a lot of the time.
Really I think so many earlier versions of many engines should be FOSS because of how Aseprite being FOSS earlier on has benefitted the community so much. Ik the developers were working on apple versions but the App Store is expensive and it would require maintaining two distributables. I just really love forks even if the new fork is not FOSS.
FOSS projects inspire me alot. It's why I distribute my scripts for free. FOSS I get mad about when there's bugs because of losing work and I get like.. enraged, but you know, even my own scripts have problems at times haha. Anyways, CHURCH OF FOSS.
Identity and things are hard for me to deal with. To claim to be something is a difficult action... but I like being a girl who likes girls. It is an easy thing to slide into, and acceptance from other girls knowing this is a fact about me feels good.
Girlhood was traumatizing to me but something I had to go through. To identify as a girl despite my detachment and struggles at being one feels nice. I still do feel much comradery with nonbinary people though, but that experience is not one I want to claim as my own.
HAHA! Thank you. It's fun to here people still find the site via browsing.. I keep analytics off on purpose.
Thanks for thinking I'm cool ^^ I was lucky enough to be in a position to have many interests that affect people's perception of me (ie being lifestyle lolita), but you know, I'm as boring as they come!
yay! i wish you much luck and happy holiday if any of the ones occuring are relevant to you. remember if you ever get frustrated, you can't let the game engine win!!
i'm really delighted tobe an inspiration!! enjoying my work for a few months! wow! that's so long ^^ it is amazing to be remembered
The relationship the two of them have makes Adelaide irritated in a way that she probably can't even begin to articulate, but Eva has really entertwined herself into Adelaide's life in a way Adelaide can't imagine disentangling. It'd be more difficult for Adelaide to live without Eva than vice versa, and Adelaide also loves Eva very much so it ends up making more sense from a love, pragmatic, and relationship standpoint even if she feels weird about it.
Part of her thinks Evangeline will grow up and decide she doesn't want to rely on mean frilly lady anymore. She wants this to happen but also Does Not for obvious reasons... But she doesn't understand Evangeline loves her for reasons that are beyond her 'societal' value as a partner.. She's slowly accepting it but can't wrap her head around why someone like Eva tolerates her...
So that is to say, don't worry too much. Eva has more cards over state of relationship and ending it is not on her mind!
Thanks for being interested in them also! I wasn't sure if anyone would like her.. Adelaide is a kind of character I've wanted to tackle for a bit and responses to her were about what I expected in some ways but I was surprised by the amount of people who understood and/or felt fondness towards her! My favorite variant are the people who understand her but dislike her anyways LOL. I hope to explore them more in a doujinshi.. Whenever I finish it!
Beautiful art from Kails
Not the zine- just in my communications.
Friends know I get really stressed out making SNS posts or other announcements because I fuck up so much, but I don't put zine together (AKA I am not the graphics mod) and most of the content is looking over by the other mods and the contributors too.
The migraines affect me with management of the zine but since it is multi-mod project, it is not a big deal. Ophazines was a bad name because it connects it to Ophanimkei inherently but I chose it a long time ago and on a whim. I wish I'd chosen something else though that made it a bit more vague though no one seems to mind. There's been typos in the zine before but it's more human error as a result of a large project over the scale of my errors in my personal work.
It's okay! No one has to say no pressure to reply if I don't want to I just won't or I'll wait till I have energy !!
I also hope we get to that point but admittedly I think a lot of the big disability awareness movements focused less on symptoms that don't relate to socializing ability, so here we are. A lot of us got left behind and treated badly even by our fellow disabled peers because we were a bit too 'low functioning' in areas they were not.. It's why I try to be very blunt with what I experience and how I feel even if I don't think everyone will believe me or they think I can do better!
And it's a plus people who experience something similar know someone else is going through the same thing! It's the same philosophy with writing stories really. Share uncommon experiences forever! Learn they aren't that uncommon! Love!
I post so I can say I can say more thoughts! I think it's fair to ask creators about what is perceived as 'obvious' mistakes in their work, especially when typos are a common thng amatuers overlook for no particular reason though admittedly I find it bizarre to blame asking about it on a disorder that can also cause typing issues hahaaha.
But I do recognize it makes my work feel less polished and it's a critique I get often... Obviously, I get really embarrased about my typos because of my chronic pain but it's not something everyone can know about ahaha!
It's just a bother because I have to keep explaining in and out of my private life.. I just feel like I can't post freely because everyone will go "look at this girl's typos" so I'd rather not post outside of my website a lot of the time.. It's annoying because I made several typos typing this, making more typos as I fixed them, and may be missing others. It just always hurts to fix.
And you know, even though I am explaining and feel like I should keep explaining, I know people will blame it on laziness anyways because it's not a symptom people really have empathy for or understand but you know what can you do haha! Maybe I'll be free from migraine abyss someday!
It's because I have chronic migraines, and disabled jobless people can't afford to pay editors.
It's actually why all of my work has typos. Migraines deteriotate typing abilty, cognition, and various other things. I rarely am migraine free at this point in my life, so I can't really just do it when I'm not in pain since pain is my normal at this point. I don't want it to be like this but it just is.
I hope to prioritize editing my work if I ever make a living wage off of my artwork or made final releases of them (ie if I ever released my games on Steam with extra content, I'd also take the time to have someone carefully edit with me and pay them.).
The zine was less important to me than my other things. I didn't think anyone would read it so I didn't care very much. I still don't care that much admittedly because it's a free thing.
To add more context: I often have people look over my Google Doc files, but because I put things together myself, an editor needs to have knowledge of the software I'm using. This is the case for my games and my zines because I am sole developer and do a lot of work in my earlier drafts and in the final drafts. Stepping away never fixes it because like I said, I always have migraines.
The editing process also takes time and requires trust. The zine is almost 10,000 words, and I'd want to work side by side with an editor because I sometimes talk in peculiar ways that are intentional even if someone doesn't understand it at first read. It's easy for me to be convinced to change something and regret it later just because one person didn't understand something a lot of other people do understand.
All of these make it a complex issue for me that I only really want to tackle if I have money. I'm sure some people would offer to edit for free if I asked, but due to what I said in the last paragraph, it's too much emotional bandwidth for me to navigate just having a friend do it for free.
This is a topic that really irritates me I'm not going to lie- not because of you anon but because it reminds me of my deteriorating cognition and constant physical pain that affects how others perceive me even if they can't see or refuse to acknowledge my illness. It's not a simple thing for me to fix, and people not realizing I have a disability has ended friendships so I just sort of prefer to make it clear I don't really want help unless you are willing to deal with me crying.
Designing is hard. I think it's not super obligatory to have a cool site design or anything, but I can show you ophanimkei's homepage logic and history. Ophanimkei's designs were mostly pretty simple before I started using containers everywhere, so I won't include them, but know they had no CSS and usually just one container with content- maybe with a list of nav stuff somewhere.
My first Ophanimkei design was this one. My logic went basically like "I need a container to hold all my text. A lot of websites have logos at the top. I'll draw it by hand! I should add a cute image to the top so I'll put a Miku thing. I want the navbar to be cute and my name is Ophanimkei so I'll draw eyes inspired by the chariot ophanim."
I wasn't sure what aesthetic I wanted to go for but I knew what colors would look good. I recolored this seamless pattern I have of sepia and used it for the website background back then! And made a lot of stuff purple and white and blue ahaha. I still use the font I chose back then and a lot of colors lol.
At some point, I had more stuff and widgets I wanted to show, so I added a third column. The logo looked weird being thin, so I made it wider and added stars. I also really was into blue at the time. I had this random snow effect around, so I used it since it matches the colors. I am not super into maximalism but it is very important to me to have a lot of cute visuals.. Moeness.
This is the last desing of ophanimkei. I do miss it. I was super into pink and I wanted to try something knew. I decided to get rid of the status emote widget (though it is cute) since it was a container I felt I didn't need and moved a lot around. I still loved the sky, but I decided to add some other things. It was also inspired by Ommatophilia aesthetics at the time..
And this design. I grew tired of the meat because it was a large container using a background image. I became aware of container borders, so I decided to use them. I also wanted to use blue again because I think about it a lot haha.
I knew I wanted another box for widgets or cute art so I added another container like the second design used to have ahaha.
So, I guess design around content you need! Ophanimkei is built kind of weirdly, and it's very large. I like having a long navbar, so I keep my navbar in every style. Think about what you have, what you feel is missing, what you want. I sketch my designs a lot too sometimes though it may not be completely accurate in the end.
I don't really subscribe to a lot of stuff, but you know there's really only so many ways to make something look good. My website design isn't the only one with three columns like this, and it has a traditional footer and header.
For other pages, it's all the same. The blog is inspired by FC2, and some of the other blogs themes are inspired by things I like in Tumblr themes. I just knew I needed a space for tags and other things.. Other designs usually have basic logic. I need two columns or three columns for a navbar or something then I may add a background image for flare!
Outside of content being easy to read, just make sure there's enough contrast and that colors are pleasant. A lot of designs are impossible to look at because cvolors are hard to read. I think random pages here look bad while I'm designing but I just try to make the text easy to read while I'm currently designing haha.
Happy to help!!!
Wow you really surprised me haha! I opened the guestbook back up and assumed the message I saw was my test message but somehow you caught me coding!
I used Debian when I used Linux as my main OS. My laptop drivers didn't get along with Linux, and I also found that Linux wasn't worth using as my main OS for a variety of reasons. I use a lot of retro and indie software, and while I love FOSS, I found that a lot of Linux FOSS software never reached the level of my old tools.
I don't regret that time though. If it's an old laptop, even if you have driver issues, fucking around with it is good.. Linux is used for everything. This website/server runs on Debian, and I was pretty comfortable with server maintenance after using Debian for 6+ months or whatever. I hope to get more devices and run random Linux things on them..
If you're curious, now I use Windows 11 and just make it behave with external software that fixes all the things I dislike about 11 and reskins everything haha. I was gonna write a page about it but never got around to it.. Using Linux also motivated me to do that because while Linux annoyed me, it made me get off my ass and make Win11 not annoying.
I do miss the Linux package manager though lol.. I don't miss looking up user issues though haha. "It works on my machine!" "Why would you let your laptop sleep- linux is so fast hibernation issues don't matter!" "This thing you use is unstable use this instead aesthetics don't matter!"
Haha..
It really depends on your ultimate goals, but anyone can learn HTML or CSS. JavaScript gets harder but to be honest if you know how to code at all you can scrap anything together.
HTMLdog is what I learned a lot with, and I still randomly reference w3schools for stuff I forget- sometimes the Mozilla docs too.
For video games it really depends. I mainly use Renpy which has it's own starter guide but I like fenik's resources too. For RPG Maker, I got started with this playlist.
My website has the tools / vps hosting section though it may be a bit much sometimes.
I add these to my FAQ more with a few more links c:
Wow now I'd really kill for some tea...
i never really know how to respond when someone asks me if i am okay lol, especially if it is anonymous. if i say no, does it matter? if i say yes, well, that's expected answer to most american greetings!
but i am the same as usual though worse than 'usual' of years past. i'm having to explain to a roommate was 'consideration' is though. they aren't in their 20s yet so i can't be too harsh but it reminds me why i've never lived with freshmen lol.
I wanted to clean up my askbox before answering this so it sat for a bit. I didn't mean to ignore you! I will probably be on SNS in some shape or form for a while but I could see myself leaving when I'm older, but right now I enjoy SNS! It's just sometimes I find myself not really caring about posting.
I know people dislike having lots of social media and how everything is so spread out now, but to be honest, I think it's nice. I like having platforms where I just interact with random artists and devs casually too. Return to nobody status online. I love it. Share to void. It's nice when you socialize in a disconcerting way. Brief interactions. May interact a few more times. Maybe never again.
Discord is a site that exists that I also technically have, but I hate Discord. I don't like that it's big messaging platform while also acting as forum. So mainly focus on DMs nowadays, but to be honest, I hope to delete my Discord someday! Be free! But well, I've deleted my Discord many times before, but I always Come Back.
Hi! Yes.. Yes. I haven't released the media logs because it has a bit of weirdness lol- things I never felt the need to fix that may be important for others haha.
I probably will just release it with all of this though.. I have no desire to really update it hence it being at a standstill.. It's already perfect for my own use case, but perhaps it being so simple that you will feel confident updating it over time with things you like. I aim to sometime this week but I am the procrastinator....
Hehe thank you!! This makes me so very happy. My bunny bunny. My bunny. She is sort of apersona while also being her own character.. She and her her other halves (rabot, kitty). So she is different from all my other OCs... it makes me happy when people like her since she is so personal to me hehe
This question is really vague, but I will try my best. Visual novels are very easy to get into. Renpy is very popular and has many resources due to its community's size and age. Lemmasoft forums is a godsend. I'm going to be honest.
Renpy's installation also comes with "The Question" when you install it which gives you some basic Renpy stuff (some diverging maths, label jumps, etc). It gives you a lot of basic information and is how I really got started. Devil's Food was made with a lot of basic skills The Question gives you. Starting small like that can be really good.
I'll also include this a link to Feniksdev (itchio tools / website tutorials), a programmer / game developer who has many tools and resources. I look at their tutorials from time to time and want to use their tools. I plan to soon actually. Aside from Fen, you can find lots of tools and frameworks for Renpy on itchio. No reason to make things harder for yourself. Of course, remember some code may have errors if it's for older Renpy versions.
Oh lastly, I want to add that Renpy is great, and I love it very much. I'll never stop using Renpy. But for small Itchio web visual novels, I think it's worth it to try other engines. Methinks every Western VNdev should touch Renpy at some point usually, but also like, Renpy is just not suitable for some projects. I like small web projects and have been fond of them lately (ie my Squid Girl World series), but dislike Renpy for it because it has poor HTML5 builds and Renpy setup can take a long time. I used Videotome briefly and enjoyed it though ultimately moved over to Godot for greater UI flexibility (though I don't think I'd recommend most VNdevs / starter devs to use Godot if I'm being honest lol)
But yeah the answer is just start. You'll get somewhere much faster than if you don't start now.
You sent me this while I was editing the askbox cx Luckily I saw it!!!
I like dragons. I am indifferent to elves. I don't consume much high fantasy, so I have very little exposure to them. In the past, I use to draw these.. soft chunky dragons. I like lizards and tend to get these fasciniation with Winged things, so it was object of fascination for a bit.. Also, Dragon Ball has these random large lizards lol, so it influenced me a bit.
Have no pictures of those drawings.. Here is Icarus.
My art style.. I think it was a mix of both. I definitely did a lot of things on accident but a lot of those were the result of early days where I tried to draw like mangaka I liked (especially because there are so many manga/anime panels you can look at).
In 2020 I started to make a conscious effort what I wanted to achieve (I bugged my friend Guts a lot for painting tips), but well, still other things have just happened. Like, I don't know when I started drawing such prominent noses lol. I noticed that recently and it really confused me because I used to keep them tiny. And some shading choices I've noticed have just appeared over time. Painting in particular is weird cause I don't pay much attention to my sketches. Instincts tend to take over so things change as as vibes change.. Flexibiliity.
Oh and hair. I just had to figure that out. Lots of people who paint curly hair nowadays but you know, was hard to find in early 2010s.
It's up now!! I"m just a clown LOL. I screwed up the download link. I coded all the pages at once and released everything at the same time so mistakes are around. Let me know if you find anymore!!
Hi! thank you for thinking of me (and dreaming of me). I have not been talking to many people at all, so I apologize for any distance. I miss everyone all of the time and hope you're okay too regardeless of who you are.
There is always so much more. There's always more. For various reasons. Stories exist to give the information to the reader you need to tell. So things must be cut, and old options must be deleted as it may not further the goals of the story even if you still consider those aspects to be true. The fat must go.
But beyond that, there is also just limitations of being an indie developer. So this will be a bit long.
Anyways, cutting content is good to me. You have to making writing tighter and cut out of the slops of fat, but it's nice to look back on. Maybe make some weird AUs out of it or something or just draw them. Ommatophilia obviously hurts me lol, but at the same time, I'm proud of myself for making the decision to cut it and not ending up in dev hell for 10 years.
This is just all on my mind because Deltarune's existence lol. It has a lot of things in it- silly things I think are important for the charm of it. If I had more money or made a living on my work, I'd have a go at making another multi-year project indie game haha! Deltarune is just everything to me. It's relaly a gliimpse into a better future, and it reminds me to not forget my old goals (though I'm still having fun making lots of short games right now).
i get why you're sending me this, and i appreciate the thought, but i was talking about 2d girls. because i read yuri. i added real girls because i added my girlfriend, who is a real living girl, onto the page. This is obvious.
people have sent me weird things like this for a long time. i feel like so much of it ties to me being a lesbian who mainly talks about girls and aims content at girls. as such, every word i use is to capture diversity of womanhood. what one person may find affirming may be upsetting to another, especially when you begin to befriend girls who experience intersexuality (or even just hormonal differences) who have womanhood stripped from them all the time.
to add on, all of my experiences about womanhood are explored in my works, like my games and artwork. i know plenty of people engage with me and don't play my games, but even this site has a bunch of things that make my thoughts and feelings obvious.
I'll also add last thing. this isn't just me saying this as random cis girl. it's me saying it as a black girl, as black person who's blackness goes beyond the scope of my gender or sexuality or any other identity. i don't believe anyone when they just say 'they care about black women' or mention them in passing for the name of inclusivity or have some BLM blinkie because a lot of the time the people who do that are racist. notable people who do this are racist actually.
people who aren't in that minority don't realize because the person will just go "i care about black people." it's shallow to me. i raise my eyebrow at how people word things all the time but i don't ask them "How do you feel about black people?"
If I really care, I explore their works and writings to see how they feel. And some people might raise an eyebrow at this because a lot of people never mention black people or consume their work or care about any sort of media with black people, and yeah, that is true. but i don't talk about that on my site. i talk about it with other black girls, including black trans women, in private, because it is something white people cannot understand.
I really don't like talking about blackness in spaces with lots of white people which is basically most queer spaces online, but I realize I should get this out of the way eventually.
TLDR: It is still offensive to me to see I am a lesbian, see a random word I use, devoid it of context when it has context in the original text, and then ask me about it when my site has the answers if you just read or control f search. And as a black person, I find it more offensive because of my own lived experiences being a minority in queer spaces. 
on sns or on a site, no not really. it is just kind of stressful for me to post that kind of thing on SNS because those sorts of posts are devoid of context, and it's deeply personal to me. i don't want those sorts of illustrations to be engaged with outside of their stories/worlds, nor do i want it to be that easily accessible.
To be honest, I think about this a lot. I sort of hate modern Discord. I dislike that's it is a groupchat. I dislike that it also tries to act as a forum/main host for communities while also literally only being a group chat. I think Forums are suited for this while Discord is Not.
I think heated conversations should be allowed and encouraged on forums. Arguments, debate, etc as long as its contained which is easy with threaads. Discord is basically a big ass group chat so it's not really good and the forum options on Discord are shit. Forums just sort of let you float on your own litttle islands and unsubscribe from any thread you dislike. Also owners of threads can ban people from them and the thread owner themselves can be banned.. So beautiful..
Alas... People are generally burned out on things going up and down. RPGMaker.net is down. Itchio is shit right now. Other forums I'm on just have different cultures than that of even five years ago. I worry I'd just be adding more noise, and I think a lot of people do just wanna rely on corporations like Itchio and Discord and the like because they are seen as somewhat stable.
Still, I just like them a lot. RPGMaker has forums and Lemmasoft does too and they host their own stuff there that is linked out to Itchio, but a lot of those communities have Discords too which is making the forums less active so I don't know lol. Internet user habits are weird. And to be honest it just annoys me when a bunch of people flock to use a platform only to abandon it because it doesn't have the likes and other analytics people claim to hate.
but yeah we're never escaping our hellscape unless discord and every SNS dies or consumer habits change.
Hi nonnie!!!! I'm really honored you're asking a question like this!!! I made a short list of games I enjoy and love that feel adjacent to me. I tried to divide them up a bit depending on the category / content!
RPG Maker and Adjacent
Interactive Fiction and Visual Novels
18+ Stuffs
A lot of these have lesbians too (or are just yuri). I didn't specify which ones are yuri cause like I love the word yuri and everything but also I know some of the above I consider yuri or have lesbian protagonists but aren't really yuri.
Anyways, I hope you enjoy some or all!
Thank you!! I want Meat Girl and things I create in general to be related to by people since a lot of exprences are overlooked or frequently depicted as black and white.. It means a lot to me!
If you forget Meat Girl, may osmething else you relate to and/or love replace it!
Thank you so much! You are sweet. I keep getting nice asks, and it makes me hapy. It also surprises me a lot haha!!!
These asks always make me feel like the kid from Meet the Robinsons.. Who thinks everyone hates him ahah!
Also thank you for thinking I'm pretty.. What a sweet thing to say!
i want to say this is incorrect, but i sort of get why people would say this. it's just not really applicable in context of hobbyist web development. to be honest you have to not pay attention to things people say when you're a hobbyist developer because a lot of other developers operate differently.
The interest in yuri being even distributed among genders is something love about the genre. I do talk poorly of male authors sometimes lol, but it's really all in good fun. Plenty of the yuri I like is by guys or by authors of mixed genders, and even women make a lot of depictions I consider shit (almost everything by Rangrari is absolute ass to me and I think she is a lesbian).
I'm kind of an insane person who has been writing and devving for a very long time, and as a result, I have a feeling the way I work would not be optimal for most people. Still, I will share because it's fun but it'll probably be all over!!
