I saved my diary and website passcodes to my phone in hopes of updating while on the bus, but I've found that I'm just too tired to even do anything on the bus much of the time so I mindlessly stare out the window.

But, I wanted to provide updates! Lately I have felt extremely unlikeable but I realized why am I talking to my peers about my feelings and current interests when I have my wonderful blog! I work too much to keep up with conversations and server movement anyways you see ^^; It's just hard.. community stuff is important to me, but I think I need to be alone. I am so stressed.

First up: I have been doing random tasks on the days I ship packages.

My Jade plant on the right I got from the antique store began to overcrowd her old pot, so now she has a new one. I obtained a new plant that could thrive in low light as well and now she's in her old pot. The Jade.. I think I will name her Yukino, after my old fern who was over watered (and the Persona 2 lesbain). I don't have a name for the plant on the left quite yet though I am thinking Desscares.. After the Ichi the Witch lady. I haven't read Ichi yet because I  keep saying "I want it to be further along."

I also have't been reading much manga because Bato is gone. I have used many manga sites. I am a veteran. Do not assume I cannot find more, however, Bato was my favorite. I miss the layout, the comment sections, my little profile, randomly going to oneshot in my old lists because I remembered something. And well.. I liked it's yuri selection more than dynasty at times..

But I am fine. I have many alternatives and if all else fails, I will have to turn to direct downloading and torrenting though with manwha it is harder. It's what actually concerns me the most. A lot of manga is archived bbut so much manga is only uploaded by just a few uploaders. A bunch from Bato is just gone. The way the dev took down that site really irritates me, but I also understand. Though I disagree with anyone going "he owes no one anything" considering Bato was maintained not only by the webmaster but its community and uploaders. But well, it was always the case of the Bato dev not being super present and frequently vanishing.

Anyways, enough of that. More to yap about. Work is exhausting and is really the main reason I am less online aside from when i get mentally ill at 3AM. I am devving at a pace I wouldn't call steady but I think I'm doing good.I can't really dev at work because I can't retrieve files off of my computer so I am taking notes and doodling designs then just remembering them for completion when I have time and energy. I got a bunch of the side characters for my Bug Game designed and their stuff written out. I did this by reviving old characters also ^^; I had an old story I don't think I'll ever tell. It had bug people and monster girls. The monsters were easy enough to convert into bugs. So many monsters have bug like qualities and I intended to update the designs irregardeless of whether or not they were already bugs.

I got these in the mail which was a very odd feeling.  When I first sstarted buying cutsews, I bought mostly Peace Now. In a way, it almost became filler. I like Peace Now aesthetically but as it filled my wardrobe, I realized I didn't want to buy cutsews much. I've been in the mood again lately but I only want really cool ones.

And the coat... I just.. Haven't bought a main piece in so long. I did get my cross dress recently, but I actually bought it a very long time ago. So I was unable to ship it.. And something about pre-ordering is different from getting something and it immediately being shipped to you. I do love the cross dress of course. It's absolutely beautiful and even better than I anticipated.

I guess it is a case of... Gratification? I don't know if I'd call it instant.. But something there. I've wanted a new coat for a while. I love my Heart E coat but it wants to die LOL. This one is by the brand H Naoto Frill who I love but never buy from due tot many of the pieces resold being $100+ cutsews I feel I do not need. I am willing to spend a lot on lolita but I simly feel as though there are a select few pieces by H Naoto (Frill) I'd spend that much on and when they pop up, I don't wnat to buy them. HOWEVER. As mentioned, I needed a coat, and I am always willing to drop a nice penny on a coat. It was $100. My main gamble was that it looked a bit thin. The first coat I bought was not warm enough, but it's actually very nice. if I layer it with  my cape, it's actually perfect for 20 degree days. Though luckily these past few days its been in the 50s. My main concern is that.. It is another thing that will get mad if it rains. This is the case with my HeartE coat (velveteen), my cape (wool), and now this H Naoto Coat (fleece).

I do have an umbrella but I am worried about the inevitability of heavy windy rain. I wait for my bus outside so it concerns me. Buying rain coats is not really on my priority list.. I have an umbrella.

This was yesterday's coord. I wanted to wear my old plain black JSK. It's the second JSK I ever owned I think after Nameless Poem. I struggle wearing plain thingss lately, but I wanted to wear something simple to work. I remembered I hadn't worn this apron yet (which I adore but I've just been too depressed to catalogue my wardrobe probably). I really loved it, but  I do think it's a bit unbalanced. If the apron were sligthly longer or my bloomers were viisble or if I had a small whtie underskirt to have peaking lace, maybe it'd be perfect? I do like it with the coat but it hides the cuteness of the apron.

I wanted to do a bit of shopping this paycheck but I acutally odn't think I'll be buying many clothes at all.. I wanted to get some more  affordable things but then I had a nice opportunity fall into my hands, so I need to prioritize it. I also put a bunch of my paycheck away because I need to save for moving and if I do more schooling. Sighs.

Everything is very hard. But it will be worth it. More money. Housing. Girlfriend time. The job.. since I'm autisitc every job is annoying and hard. It's frustrating but I have to acknowledge it. Training is especially painful. I hate people leaning over my shoulders and giving me conflicting instructions. I dislike that my ADHD is blamed when I can't hear something when you're talking to me when my headphones are on my ears.

• "Click this on the script"


• "Just say this"


• "You're not reading the script exactly"


• "You didn't get this information" "i already did" *gets reached over and its copy and pasted again*

It's hard because I happy coworkers clocked I have ADHD but the problem is my autism. I just get so irritated and I can't keep masking. A guy was helping me and I think he could sense I was shutting down and didn't wanna talk (which just came off as anger) but it's because I can't think when someone is telling me what to do as I do it!! I can just ask if I'm confused don't put your fingers in my screen!!

Anyways, I played a dress up game and the art style was adorable. I made myself but this random girl I made was my favorite.

(I accidentally left this open on my computer and didn't hit publish.. to give a small update work went just fine but I fell asleep right after I got home again so I'm up at 1am! Everything still got messed up after all the other workers got to work and started being a bit too helpful again but I am still grateful for it cx)

(Sidenote: I've gotten into a habit of using MS Paint on my computer. It's not too bad with a mouse when you already know what your'e doing and it's finally gotten me familiar with the MS Paint toolset. I'm worried management will make me stop because they record the computers and are sometimes anal about things but no one has bothered me yet despite knowing my computer is being recorded!)