|
secondlife. midway through the roaring 20s.
Posted on: 2025-10-22 20:00:00
I've been playing Second Life again lol. I've gotten more into it recently lol. My friends are playing now, especially Citrus and Citrus has a schedule similar to mine, so it's nice to be able to play games like this with him. It's actually somewhat disruptive for me though. I'll play it for such long periods lol. Sometimes I afk and do other things, but if a friend logs in, I'll play with them and talk for several hours. It's been nice healing thing for me. but I sort of feel like those people who end up going home and stay home all day playing games.. Which isn't bad, but it's not what I want for myself. But I really don't know what I want. I know it's not hat. I think what I want is a livable income and a small apartment lol. Sometimes I wonder if I even need internet. Could just go to the library.. Not ideal but you know. Yesterday Citrus and I visited Yoshikawa which was very fun. It's a group of JP enthusiasts. They have kabuki shows and there's a lot of information around about Japanese shrine culture and even rules for the onsen.
It made me nostalgic. I want to go to Japan again. I don't know when I'll be able to do anything ever again, but being here was pleasant.. I have to ignore the small aching in my heart lol. It's just diffcult because I felt like I'd achieve great things just a few years ago but I know better now. It's so weird.. I was so excited about 2020... And this decade has been.. pretty wild.. Idk I can't say bad. I did lots of cool things, but I guess adulthood is just very hard. I thought i could pull through with sheer willpower, but turns out disabilities get worse in your 20s. You know I've actually been experiencing psychosis again for the first time in a really long time. But I refuse to go on antipsychotics again. Anyways, Second life is fun! It gives me time to hangout with friends and sparks a particular kind of joy, especially as I socialize more.
Outside of that.. doing schoolwork slowly. Dying all the time you know lol. My parent is in church lot so it really feels like she's done existing my life. Every time I call her she's busy with church. She tends to go through these periods every few years where she gets super into it. We'll see if she stays. I normally wouldn't care but II'll be home soon,a nd she gets all snide and weird when she's in church and so does the rest of my family. But Idk w hat to say other than "I'm a gay bitch!!! I don't wanna go to a church that hates me!!" You know the power of manifestation? It's a thing a lot of modern Christians follow, and my granny and I have talked when I am particularly upset and now she wants me to wake up everyday and say "today will be very good" but the thing is I used to do that everyday, and it's not really.. a nice thing to say when everyday you wake up in a situation that stresses you out. I'm just so aimless and weird. I hate this. I love working towards goals. I was bored and going through the stoicism subreddit, but I really disliked it. I think having goals is good, but it's hard if you don't want children and a lot of general life goals feel unrealistic, especially as you get more disabled and have to hide it to avoid life getting worse while also needing to take care of it to Also avoid life getting worse.. Video games feel so good though.. Think I redownload Sims 4 soon.. But anyways, guess that's 2020s will symbolize. No goals no hope! Let's give it up for the Roaring 20s!  |
