happy 4th of july, everything is so beautiful
Posted on: 2025-07-04 21:45:00
Tags: memories

Today I went outside and I took many pictures. At first, I was focused on taking coord pictures, but I began to lose interest quickly. I didn't like any of them, but I still wanted to take pictures. The campus was really empty,and I wasn't playing music on my headphones, so I just kept thinking about it being the 4th of July and the complete silence on campus.



The pictures please me. I could edit them better, perhaps I'll make an autoaction so the same effects are applied to every photo. I think I'll do this more often. I'm not sure though. A lot of my coords recently are samey, especially because it's so hot outside, and I also have lots of of thoughts but making a drawing for every single thought I have is a bit of a pain. Taking pics is faster and sometimes more fun.


These kinds of thoughts can be hard to share, but I often end up going into sad topics when I'm speaking. I'm naturally very melancholic. People consider me depressing to be around sometimes, but it's just how I am. Of course, melancholia at a certain point is unhealthy, but even as a child, I was naturally like this.


It doesn't make me sad, but I've decided I can't be close to others who get uncomfortable with my melancholia. I am just talking. I like reflecting on loneliness. It's an emotional all humans feel and ignoring it is silly. The more you grapple with it, the less it affects you. It's okay to not reflect on those things though. This is what helps me but for others it could be very bad.


Outside my window, I see fireworks. I'm kind of happy I'm inside now.I have a beautiful line of sight, so maybe i'll see even more. I really like fireworks. A lot of people on the internet complain about them.. The carbon monoxide, the loudness, scaring dogs, but well, I really delight in them. I just think they are magical almost. Chemical reactions are so interesting.


I got to see a beautiful quiet campus and now I get to see many fireworks from the comfort of my room, scattered across the city. It's not even dark, ther ewill probably be even more throughout the night. I have my camera on my tripod set up to record them. The tripod gets really tiny, so it's on my desk. Isn't that delightful?


My life. is going to get very hard, but everything feels so nice right now. The fireworks, my tripod, my beautiful clothes, hanging out with friends, lolita meets,my birthday soon, my girlfriend, and a quiet summer. This summer I don't have much money, but that's because I paid a lot of my rent in advance with my summer paycheck. I think life has the potential to be so beautiful if I keep pushing harder. 


The sky isn't completely dark yet. It's this weird dark bluey green, fading into orange, but it is still very dark. If I get any good video, I'll try to add gifs in my next entry. 


I may stay up late to watch the fireworks and probably do some game development. I finished up my visual novel for the toxic yuri jam and have been reading entries periodically. I like.. toxic yaoi a lot, but most toxic yuri in manga/webtoon doesn't interest me for various reasons, but this jam has been a delight. Indie game devs really are just.. reliable for making the kind of things I want to see consistently.


I also made something I really like, so  I hope people enjoy it. It'll be out this weekend :-) It's the biggest project I've ever made for a jam, maybe ever. Measuring a game jam game with an RPG Maker game (Ommatophilia is the one I'm thinking about) is difficult, but it is a very large game for me. It's like 23K words total and has dozens of CGs.


I hope people like it. Smiles. I'm going to work on my next RPG Maker game. I feel a bit crazy working so much. I haven't felt this motivated in ages, and usually after jams I'm very exhausted. But I've been doing artfight and game dev and chipping away at commissions slowly.


I live a beautiful life!


lain_goodbye