falling in love over and over and over again
Posted on: 2026-02-03 01:30:00
Tags: memories


it's very hard to be vulnerable for me. i think it's probably obvious. the people i feel obligated to cut off are the people i regret being vulnerable around, but i think most people can be vulnerable normally. like, the things i view as vulnerable would be basic things for other people. online and with the current culture, it's much harder. no one owes anyone anything. you don't owe a listening ear or kindness. if they're being harassed, you should deal with that alone because you are just stressing me out. bla bla bla. 


fortunately, i love all my friends and i love my gf the most. lately when i get sad, i think, you know, i have a girlfriend. lol. then i sort of don't care abt what was making me sad. i think this way with  my friends often but my gf is like.. so wonderful. the worst part abt my job is not being able to text or check in on her when it starts. she gets two days off in a row and we keep trying to plan a sleepover but guess what.. her days off are the day i start T_T i hoping she can come but my job is from 12:30 to 8:30.. that's like the entire day! we're having a sleepvoer so that might make up for it a bit but oh my god! 


my gf and i have been dating for 436 days and you know after over a year, our dynamic has changed. the snow also made things change. despite being semi-long distance, we are effected by many of the same storm systems, so while we were snowed in, we video called much more than usual. it felt kind of cosmic since i'm about to start my job and won't eb allowed to use my phone. i can only see her hwen i'm off work. i'm off two days a  week a nd leave early Saturdays. i know my schedule is good, but i just want to text my wife every once in a while. i feel like that's not a crime!!!


i've had a lot of trauma for a while. i view relationships as somethign that develop and grow deeper over time throug communication but it means that it can take a long time for me to realize i may not.. be okay. but my wife.. it keeps getting better.



she loves my glasses and my nose and thinks im cute in my bonnets. it's weird feeling. sometimes i talk abt something sad and i apologize but she says it's norma for girls who have had  strange lives to not be ab


le to avoid sad topics. she wants to see every side of me. she told me she has been thinking about my name since she first heard it in an English Class. we both are so anxious and we both communicate. we both understnad people aren't obligated to respnd but can be saddened by it.


we rely on each other and love each other very much. when i think a conversation will go horribly.. she is so lovely.


it's weird. i talk about not realizing my frineds like me. i've known my girlfriend has lvoed me but i don't know if i realized the depts of her love...  i knew we had an interest in each other before our relationship started but.. Smiles. i didin't. know. i'm trying to show her more of my art.. i move slowly because i have trust issues and art is always hard for me to share... but she is interested... my dear wife.


it's weird falling in love over and over and over again. the future is usually wishy washy but i see her. i know she loves me and i love her. smiles.