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Ofc :D !!! !! 

(And I'm just stupid and have a habit of breaking links LOL it's fixed now!!)

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Thank you ^^ Haha, this makes me happy.. Oversharing on the internet- I do it to provide hope and so other mentally ill people can see a mentally ill person online and in a way to have some kind of legacy... I like to go to old websites of queer people and read their zines and things.. It's one reason try to be very transparent! It's also nice cause I have dissociaive amnesia and it comes and goes in intensity.. My website and artwork is a nice way to have some kind of catalogue/archive of my life..

"Parasocial" now has a bad connotation because it's used to just define someone being overly invested/creepy to another person (which is fair in the social media era), but it is very normal for humans to have one sided relationships with people they enjoy the works of.. I also follow people and love to see them grow and be happy. So please do not worry! I make my works to be shared and engaged with.. I often assume most of my writings are so self indulgent people won't care for them too much.. so it really means a lot to me that you have been cheeringn me on..

It's very hard being a minority and struggling with the things viewed as tickets to success (school, work, deadlines, etc) especially when you have an awareness that if you had the same capabilities as your peers, you'd be much better off.. But you know. It's good not to be harsh on yourself! Despair is awful. I used to sink into it, but well, you know, it's very hard to win.. Life is very unfair. You may try very hard and things can still fail. The probability for success for most things is low and when you lose, it hurts very badly. It hurts a lot.. But once you do it over and over, it's easier to cope with those feelings.. To be sad from something not working out is painful but so is giving into despair ^^ Constantly failing at my aspirations hurt a lot and it still hurts.. Sometimes for a long time, but then I get back up and try againn!!!! Haha.. like that one trolls song..

Your location can make things very hard though.. But do know I am cheering you on ^^ And wishing you so much happiness. Things have been hard for humans for a long time, centuries.. thousands of years.. But humans still recognize the importane of love and beauty and make art!!!!!  When I sink into despair, I think of humans of the past!! And I try!! I keep trying!!! Because, why not, you know!!

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of course ^^ maybe if you email me i'll give you my playlist haha!! i'm really happy it made your day!!!!

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WRROW that's crazy.. 2022 that's the year after I graduated high school HAHA. It's crazy to me that anyone from back then still is aware of me, especially since I left Neocities ^^; I assumed no one from there was keeping up with me outside of friends. Thank you for thinking I'm creative and fun!!!

I have a few game and other media recommendations in my likes but it's never harmful to recommend more ^^ I will just do lots of random ones that come to mind but try not to repeat myself!

RECOMMENDATIONS ABYSS (SOME R 18+)

• Play of Wire - This is a game by Slitherbop who as the coolest and most awesome art on Earth. I think about it a lot. It's a game I really adore though I do like everything by Slitherbop so I recommend checking out all of it honestly. Slitherbop makes many things I Want to make. Just really impressive work. MY TOP RECOMMENDATION OF THIS POST!
• Paradoxical Heat - I recently realized I don't talk about Paradoxical Heat enough. Paradoxical Heat is what one first place in the jam Meat Girl was in (Meat Girl won second!) Annd honestly, Paradoxical Heat is so great. The developer also made Tresspasser for the RoRo jam which I also recommend. I think I like it more than Paradoxical Heat maybe? Perhaps I am biased because Tresspasser more recently!
• DYSFUTUR3.5 - This is another RoRo entry that made me insane. I actually struggled to get into it at first HAHA but now I think about it more than probably any other entry in the jam. I am still playing and reading entries though!!!
• Weird and Unfortunate Things Are Happening - I never finished this game because I lost my save on my old hard drive and the flashing gives me headaches BUT IW AS RIGHT AT THE END. I think about it all the time. It does rely on random encounters which can be agonizing but if you are RPG Maker Pilled, you can enjoy! I want to finish it because it's just so interesting to me!
• (18+) Lovely Lonely Apparition - By same dev of Mechanical Relations. So good that thinking about it makes me throw up. I think about it often.. All the characters.. Blue...
• (18+) Terminal Shell - Digital pets! Another RoRo entry. The art style is very pleasant and it's about a subject frequently on my mind (digital pets and people's continous attempts to recreate and break them)
• (18+) Mechanical Relations - I recommend this because I really enjoy short episodic things and if you are one of the 5 people in the world who enjoy Squid Girl World, you may also enjoy the format of Mech Relations!! They aren't super similar in content but.. I love bite sized episodes.. Right now there's 2. Get in now!!!!

There's lots of things I wanna play and have forgotten to mention here too!!!!! Honestly looking through jam pages is awesome. We just hosted Robotic Romance(RoRo)!! It's not all games because I'm trying to get into more mixed media jams but honestly i'd say give all of it a try!!! Some of my favorite non game entries I've read so far are Sparkfish and Ahodori!

THANKS FOR ASKING!!!! 

 

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Thank you!! I relally appreciate it!!! 

Anyone can link me with the buttons!!! I made them before I had friends on the small web even!! And not everyone I have linked is my friend either!!

TLDR: yes using my buttons is encouraged!!

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Ah hi, thank you so much. This really means a lot to me.. RehAI and WIILTT are both stories that are dear to me. It's nice knowing people read them, even as RehAI and WIILTT ages. All of my works are special to me, but lolita focused yuri in these slice-of-life situations feels very good. It's my soul in a novel in a way-  my essence distilled.

I hope to not disappoint! Though if I do, I hope you give me the chance to make it up to you ^^

One day I hope to get emojis of my daughters...

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HAHA! Thank you. It's fun to here people still find the site via browsing.. I keep analytics off on purpose.

Thanks for thinking I'm cool ^^ I was lucky enough to be in a position to have many interests that affect people's perception of me (ie being lifestyle lolita), but you know, I'm as boring as they come!

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yay! i wish you much luck and happy holiday if any of the ones occuring are relevant to you. remember if you ever get frustrated, you can't let the game engine win!!

i'm really delighted tobe an inspiration!! enjoying my work for a few months! wow! that's so long ^^ it is amazing to be remembered

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Happy to help!!!

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i never really know how to respond when someone asks me if i am okay lol, especially if it is anonymous. if i say no, does it matter? if i say yes, well, that's expected answer to most american greetings!

but i am the same as usual though worse than 'usual' of years past. i'm having to explain to a roommate was 'consideration' is though. they aren't in their 20s yet so i can't be too harsh but it reminds me why i've never lived with freshmen lol. 

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hihi! i am so sleepy. how are you?

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Hehe thank you!! This makes me so very happy. My bunny bunny. My bunny.  She is sort of apersona while also being her own character.. She and her her other halves (rabot, kitty). So she is different from all my other OCs... it makes me happy when people like her since she is so personal to me hehe

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Hi! thank you for thinking of me (and dreaming of me). I have not been talking to many people at all, so I apologize for any distance. I miss everyone all of the time and hope you're okay too regardeless of who you are.

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Thank you!! I want Meat Girl and things I create in general to be related to by people since a lot of exprences are overlooked or frequently depicted as black and white.. It means a lot to me!

If you forget Meat Girl, may osmething else you relate to and/or love replace it!

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Thank you so much! You are sweet. I keep getting nice asks, and it makes me hapy. It also surprises me a lot haha!!! 

These asks always make me feel like the kid from Meet the Robinsons.. Who thinks everyone hates him ahah!

Also thank you for thinking I'm pretty.. What a sweet thing to say! 

A: haha! i saw the notification for this a few hours ago but got so absorbed in game jam work, i forgot to respond.

i really appreciate it. i used to not speak at all, forcing myself to be as silent as possible for many years, and lately, i miss being that way often. the gift of gab is a curse at the worst of times, so this makes me very happy!

...really though i do appreciate it. i work on my webpages with the thought no one is reading them. i release games with the hope someone plays them but try to keep expectations low. i'm a chronic message deleter because i feel like such a boring and/or unpleasant person, so this is really pleasant to me haha!

A: thank you so much! this means a lot to me.. you are very sweet. the itchio issue.. it made me very crabby and irritable and to be honest these are understatements but now that i know itchio staff just chose to actually censor me i guess, it feels better than sitting in nebulous wondering if i did something wrong haha! seeing my friends and some peers get relisted was hard while weeks passed as i stayed hidden. it really felt like i'd been forgotten, but now i know i'm actively being suppressed haha! which probably sounds weird, but i've been dealing with a lot lately ahaha!

it's also made me be on the internet a lot less generally which is sort of nice. and it made me reevaluate a lot of things. which is always an experience that makes you a more whole human being haaha!

A: i'm so happy!! thank you for following the guide and telling me it worked!!! yippie!!! now we'll all own servers forever.

A: thank you! i will. i'm going to a bakery today! and i hope we pass a candy shop.. i'll be downtown today! i'm going to eat lots and busy little trinkets hopefully!

A: thank you!! i'll try my best. you are sweet!!

A: Thank you so much! You're so early wow!!

A: a lot of things i make are inspired by blurry memories of things i enjoyed as a kid, so this is pleasant for me to hear.

regarding intent.. when i made the site.. it was really just made to satisfy myself! everything i add.. everything i do.. is in a constant effort to make myself achieve some 'satisfaction.'

i love things that feel like dreams so perhaps that was a goal, even if it was never an explicit thing in my head! everything... is vibes based!! and sometimes i have no words for the vibes i'm aiming for. thank you so much!!!!

A: i have an email address i check sometimes :-) it's ophanimkei@disroot.org!!!

A: thanks love! i love angels! i grew up Christian (the southern black variant) and that was one of the most important aspect of the religion to me- the presence of angels. they're often described as quite frightening in the bible which is why they shout "do not be afraid!" my mom used to listen to audio recordings of choirs where people claimed angels had joined them. i don't know what to think but the recordings were so beautiful that it's easy to see why people think angels are there!

even if i ever lose interest i'm probably tied to them by having the pseudonym name ophanimkei haha! but i doubt i ever will haha.

the site itself is also my child though i'm a bit quiet here because i'm trying to move it to a vps but i'm in HELL. we'll get there soon Surely.

A: THANK YOU!! also last night i got this and started answering it and thought "i'm going to fall asleep while writing this." and then did in fact do that!

the brushes i use are the default oil brush in CSP and sometimes Teeromaaka from the asset store. i also edit the settings as i work..

technically i use some other brushes here and there kind of sporadically- especially if i'm in a period where i'm making lots of backgrounds..

A: hello! sorry i took so long for me to answer this (i see this was received the 2nd and now it's the 7th). i try to answer questions promptly, but well, a lot happened but here i am now!!

i'm happy you enjoyed ommatophilia.. i'm working on making a large update for it, but it'll take some time T_T perhaps i'll try to upload it to steam with all of this additional work haha. >br>
i should probably make my itchio and socials a bit more visible, but i'm a bit silly! i just appear and disappear a lot. people sometimes don't realize i "Mala" am the same as "ophanimkei" or other usernames i go by because i am in and out of various communities haha!

i appreciate you hoping i'm having a good day. life is admittedly very difficult lately, but today was nice. i started catching up on my commission work and have been working on a new programming project! i've got games i wanna work on too, but i've just been tired haha! getting kicked out of your housing and the job market will you that to you! i stay silly.

A: Hello! Thank you so much. I'm really happy to have such a positive influence on you. Coding is a nice hobby to have. It helps with logic skills, and it's something I enjoy doing when I'm burned out on art. And well, drawing is just always fantastic for your brain. Most people think they can't draw and don't recognize that it is a skill anyone can acquire. Or well, many artists burnout and never draw again!

Regarding what has inspired my personal style most, well, I tend to pick apart anything I see and absorb it, but the biggest artist that influenced me early on was Atsushi Ohkubo - specifically in early Soul Eater days.


His style has always been cool to me.. I like how he draws proportions and expressions and his compositional skills are cool (though my compositions nowadays are not really similar to his I think and the era of my art with more backgrounds with some of his influence are not online anymore or at least not easy to find..)

I don't have actively think about SE or analyze Atsushi's art or anything but I feel like his art will always influence mine whether or not I am actively thinking about SE because it was one of the first anime I watched that I fell in love with the style of.. Probably in my first 5 read manga too.

My rendering is completely different nowadays though.. Honestly painterly anime renderings have just been a big trend and I love it. I have just been learning what looks good over time. I wish I could point to a specific painter I enjoy who I absorb the techniques of but well I tend to just absorb everything. There's even art I dislike on my inspiration blog because I feel like I can learn something from it. I get inspired by weird things or techniques that don't even apply to my medium lol. Like, I love Kenji Tsuruta, and I think my love for him is why I try to put more work into how I render hair and clothing but well, his techniques don't really translate to how I work so I just have to figure out how I want to do it.. And artists I like who do have techniques similar to what I enjoy often don't draw things I do (like.. curly hair) so I just have to figure it out myself lol.. Though even if I think I've figured out something on my own, it's always possible I am taking inspiration from other artists without realizing. This is especially possible because I sometimes fixate on how an artist does something then forget about the fixation entirely and move on lol.

IE. I love Junko Mizuno and know I used to study her ink work and proportions but I don't remember anything. She doesn't post on social media (much), so I never really.. remember what her art looks like exactly lol. I just have vague ideas of it in my mind. So any inspiration is often warped.

Also thank you for hoping I feel better. I'm feeling much better most days! I was in pain yesterday which made me cancel all my plans but it's because if I don't pay close attention to my eating habits, that happens haha! So it was easy to recover from!

A: I actually didn't know it was happening! I'd like to now that I know, but it can be hard to convince myself to go out at night! I tend to associate solar/lunar events with bad memories so it'd be nice to just watch it alone outside my dorm if the weather allows it haha! When I was young, priests would talk about the blood moon as a sign of the end.. It's funny now!

A: hi nethazard!! yes, a lot of people think i mean rpgs when i talk about rpg maker! it's funny- i usually just lean into it and start talking about the fallout games haha. those are probably the most popular rpg games i've played. i'm actually a bit confused by the term rpg in general nowadays.

i'll definitely listen to these! i miss shoegaze.. i've been on a goth/post-punk kick, but shoegaze always calls my name.. sound of heaven.

A: thank you! my site is special to me. there's more aspects i want to improve in the future. not enough time in the day cx

A: Ah hi, this really makes me so happy! I make artwork to express my feelings but ultimately hope I can reach others too. I don't get a Lot of feedback on my work (Meat Girl was a bit of an anomaly), so I really appreciate your reaching out to me. I hope I can continue to make things that connect with you!

I hope that no matter what happens I can continue to write and do art forever- even if I don't stick to game dev! Making stories is my passion and it is my main motivation for waking up in the morning. And honestly knowing people connect with the words and experiences I express makes me feel valued and whole as a writer you know?

My family used to worry about me because all I'd do is write and read. They'd try to make me do other things, and sometimes more artistically skilled kids would even make fun of me when they saw the stuff I made.. But here I still am haha!

A: eee tysm! when i was a kid, i thought.. i love how big eyes are in anime.. and that love never went away!

A: hello!!! southerners.. we must stick together!! tysm!! i feel like a lot of my neocities peers are much better at web design than me but i try my best hehe!! i appreciate you!!

A: hello! i hope you're having a nice day ^w^