Not the zine- just in my communications.

Friends know I get really stressed out making SNS posts or other announcements because I fuck up so much, but I don't put zine together (AKA I am not the graphics mod) and most of the content is looking over by the other mods and the contributors too. 

The migraines affect me with management of the zine but since it is multi-mod project, it is not a big deal. Ophazines was a bad name because it connects it to Ophanimkei inherently but I chose it a long time ago and on a whim. I wish I'd chosen something else though that made it a bit more vague though no one seems to mind. There's been typos in the zine before but it's more human error as a result of a large project over the scale of my errors in my personal work.

It's okay! No one has to say no pressure to reply if I don't want to I just won't or I'll wait till I have energy !!

I also hope we get to that point but admittedly I think a lot of the big disability awareness movements focused less on symptoms that don't relate to socializing ability, so here we are. A lot of us got left behind and treated badly even by our fellow disabled peers because we were a bit too 'low functioning' in areas they were not.. It's why I try to be very blunt with what I experience and how I feel even if I don't think everyone will believe me or they think I can do better!

And it's a plus people who experience something similar know someone else is going through the same thing! It's the same philosophy with writing stories really. Share uncommon experiences forever! Learn they aren't that uncommon! Love!

I post so I can say I can say more thoughts! I think it's fair to ask creators about what is perceived as 'obvious' mistakes in their work, especially when typos are a common thng amatuers overlook for no particular reason though admittedly I find it bizarre to blame asking about it on a disorder that can also cause typing issues hahaaha.

But I do recognize it makes my work feel less polished and it's a critique I get often... Obviously, I get really embarrased about my typos because of my chronic pain but it's not something everyone can know about ahaha!

It's just a bother because I have to keep explaining in and out of my private life.. I just feel like I can't post freely because everyone will go "look at this girl's typos" so I'd rather not post outside of my website a lot of the time.. It's annoying because I made several typos typing this, making more typos as I fixed them, and may be missing others. It just always hurts to fix.

And you know, even though I am explaining and feel like I should keep explaining, I know people will blame it on laziness anyways because it's not a symptom people really have empathy for or understand but you know what can you do haha! Maybe I'll be free from migraine abyss someday!

It's because I have chronic migraines, and disabled jobless people can't afford to pay editors.

It's actually why all of my work has typos. Migraines deteriotate typing abilty, cognition, and various other things. I rarely am migraine free at this point in my life, so I can't really just do it when I'm not in pain since pain is my normal at this point. I don't want it to be like this but it just is.

I hope to prioritize editing my work if I ever make a living wage off of my artwork or made final releases of them (ie if I ever released my games on Steam with extra content, I'd also take the time to have someone carefully edit with me and pay them.). 

The zine was less important to me than my other things. I didn't think anyone would read it so I didn't care very much. I still don't care that much admittedly because it's a free thing. 

To add more context: I often have people look over my Google Doc files, but because I put things together myself, an editor needs to have knowledge of the software I'm using. This is the case for my games and my zines because I am sole developer and do a lot of work in my earlier drafts and in the final drafts. Stepping away never fixes it because like I said, I always have migraines. 

The editing process also takes time and requires trust. The zine is almost 10,000 words, and I'd want to work side by side with an editor because I sometimes talk in peculiar ways that are intentional even if someone doesn't understand it at first read. It's easy for me to be convinced to change something and regret it later just because one person didn't understand something a lot of other people do understand.

All of these make it a complex issue for me that I only really want to tackle if I have money. I'm sure some people would offer to edit for free if I asked, but due to what I said in the last paragraph, it's too much emotional bandwidth for me to navigate just having a friend do it for free.

This is a topic that really irritates me I'm not going to lie- not because of you anon but because it reminds me of my deteriorating cognition and constant physical pain that affects how others perceive me even if they can't see or refuse to acknowledge my illness. It's not a simple thing for me to fix, and people not realizing I have a disability has ended friendships so I just sort of prefer to make it clear I don't really want help unless you are willing to deal with me crying.