A:

It is all nuanced but one example is that if someone has been cheating on a partner and I find out, it is hard to view them the same way. Often, I  wished I genuinely didn't know a dear friend of mine cheated on their loved one because I don't eveen feel equipped to handle that information because I have to accept someone I know did an act of cruelty for no good reason and kept it a secret because they knew how shitty they were being...

Like every time I found out a longterm friend was cheating, by then I'd usually have met their partners or they told me about them and I just don't know how to respond to that.  There are other things..  But this is the most relevant one to me. It is a betrayal of their partner, but like, the love people have for their partners is part of how I view them. It feels like I don't know them anymore. There's no closure.. 

But like, if someone tell me they cheated on someone years ago, chances are, I'll just like.. it'll make me uncomfortable but if they tell me,  I likely know them well enough to figure out how I feel about it. Discomfort is normal at times, and  people do bad things and I think revealing your secrets to your friend is part of it... It's a matter of why are you revealing it, should you reveal it, and how I feel about a friend in relation to the information they've divulged.

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Very easy answer. Seafood boil ! But the kind in a big bag so it's super messy and seasoned!!!

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When people feel like they have to walk on egg shells around me, I'd rather them just not talk to me at all unless they can get over it haha.

A:

Thank you!!! I don't really have a Good skincare or hair care routine sort of.. My skin is naturally very dry which prevents getting much acne but I moisturize a lot with whatever smells good cause of the dryness..

Um, with my hair, I tend to use Divine Goddess products just cause my hair consistently reacts to it in a way I like but I mix and match with whatveer is available usually haha! When my hair is natural, I use their leave in conditioner and twist it then I untwist it after a few days. Repeat! Two hairstyles!

My hair is really oily so I am careful with leave in creams haha! It's easy for it  to look greasy cx

A:

I say I don't like comedy but this is not true. I actually think I understand humor well even if it takes me a second, and I just think most people aren't funny. I likely don't help the autistics don't get comedy stereotype haha, but some anime I really enjoy are comedy like Life Lessons with Uramichi Oniisan.

I don't like most self proclaimed comedians. I get my laughs from youtubers online who are probably more commentators but at least they're funny sometimes. Here are random YouTubers I like:

As Told By Destiny
Kennie JD
Jarvis Johnson

Umm speaking of comedians and podcasting, I still like Dan and Phil. LOL. They are the only p eople who can consistently make me laugh with the intent of making me laugh.... I think one big reason is that they are also for the gays in an Intersectional way... One problem with comedians is that intersectional comedy doesn't Really exist becuase people just love offensive stuff.. But stereotypes aren't funny.. w hen you aren't...  a bigot..

There's this channel called Beige Frequency who dissects the problems with modern comedy and comedians.. We are not the same kind of person and I expect you to be mature enough to understand I watch him make this content because of his dissections, not because of his viewpoints. I think it's very  interesting and he is fighting the good fight (making fun of Joe Rogan's cabal and he will call out racist bullshit even if he isn't the same as Me)

 

A:

My games all are kind of intricately tied to all of these (thank you for noticing).. They focus on the effects of these frameworks on these individuals. I am a feminist but don't really ID as one outside of jokingly calling myself a killjoy Tumblr feminist because I simply think the word feminist doesn't have much of a meaning nowadays. In some ways I also feel as though I'd just always be a feminist as a lesbian whether or not I claim to be one...

FEMINISM: My view of the world is explicitly feminist in that I think everything is partriarichal.  One reason I don't ID as a feminist is because I also just don't really align with any particular branch of feminism and well, so many things I agree with are just common viewpoints amongst my gen nowadays. I understand why these branches exist from a historical, academic, and political context, but in the modern world,  I sort of am not sure IDing as them would mean much of anything to anyone in this modern.. world. I do enjoy feminist history and works though. 

RELIGION: I grew up deeply religious and it affects all of my works.  I'm not really religious anymore but religion still deeply moves me, but I also still think most religion reflects all problems across different cultures throughout history (patriarchy, racism, etc)

GENDER: I don't think gender is real but I try to be careful when I say this for reasons that are probably obvious. I don't think gender is real in the same way race isn't real- it's all social constructs but it still deeply affects our lives. I'm Black but that word describes how I move throughout society rather than having a huge meaning outside of that.. The idea of a girl and what a girl is affects how I exist and many others, but I don't think gender has much meaning on us as humans- more just in society itself. I don't identify as trans because I don't think my feelings about gender or my life affect me very much. It's not oppression I feel I experience- I just experience normal misogyny and identify with the experience of girls who also experience, especially other autistic girls.

POLITICS: Politics wear me out because everything is related to identity or labels it feels like when I just don't think it works that way. I am a Black disabled lesbian but these just feel like words to me.  I was disabled before the disabled label got put o n me.  I was Black before I knew what that meant. And well, people don't even think lesbians are real. My existence feels so inherently political in so many ways. I don't know.  I don't really identify wiht  many things I Just think everyone deserves a good quality of l iving but America is distinctly against this.  I disagree with a lot of common political viewpoints even in my circles but tend to n ot state them.

Anyways yap yapp. My views are flexible and ever evolving, but honestly in american society I simply feel as though the ultimate goal is for the government to be dismantled and completely redone. A lot of views popular online I view as being distinctly American because America is evil at its core. This is true of many countries, but there are just So Many Americans. Can't wait for #populationdecline

A:

No. Many of my close friends read none of my works. If anything, many people try to befriend me because they perceive my work as cool but they've never actually played any of my games (Meat Girl exception), and they express a lot of guilt regarding this. I end up not being friends with them just cause we have nothing in common. I am interested in many things but Ophanimkei is an entity associated with game development but I exist outside of that.

I'll say something else though. There are certainly times where not playing my games bothers me and it usually relates to them expressing guilt or constantly talking to me about their games (or other works) and obviously expecting me to play them when they just appeared in my vincinity, didn't play any of my works, rambled about game dev to me, then sent me their final product. I enjoy exchanges. I don't mind someone befreidning me with the intent to talk about game dev but you must do your part!!! I may play it eventually just cause I enjoy indie games, but it leaves a bad tastes in my mouth. It's just not very kind or polite.

A:

It's up to your partner to communicate when something makes them uncomfortable- you aren't a mind reader. You and your partner will burden each other. You just have to talk through it. And you'll only get better at communicating the more you practice! My gf and I express our concerns to each other all the time, and we usually laugh it off!

And like, even I sometimes can't understand other couples as a mentally ill person but it's proabbly because I'm not seeing thier private conversation.. There's not really a formula since everyone's different!!!

And also a bunch of "well adjusted" people still have awful relationships cause they don't talk things out LOL... Just look through instagram reels... HAHA.. We're all learning!

A:

i didnt i hate mmy life and my job and i hope someday art and/or game dev or some other online thing sustains me LOL. 

A:

I just don't think the same person is always the same person they were a few years ago or even the same them of yesterday at times. The information they are obligated to reveal to new people they meet doesn't have to be that of their cruelty towards others, and whether or not they've able to be forgiven by the people they've wronged may not even depend on how good or bad they are but how they go about fixing these mistakes.

There are things I'd never forgive someone for if I knew it about them, but there's a chance they are sincerely sorry and would never do it again. I'd rather not know unless they have a specific reason to tell me that doesn't consist of absolving themselves of guilt or sin... Because, being good or bad in the past doesn't affect how you treat people now. People make decisions about you based on information they learn about you at that moment.. It is the worst thing about the internet really. So many bad decisions are archived- bad decisions we'd never make again.

I don't know if people are shades of gray or good or bad. Some things are objectively evil and people do them anyways to benefit their own lives.. But that often goes beyond the lens of interpersonal relationships.

That is also to say, plenty of people are also "bad" in my mind but I can't help but feel fondness for them. I've been friends withh people for long periods while having the thought that they are a bad person and often they improve or get so much worse we aren't friends anymore.. 

People will continue exist and live irregardeless of whether or not they're good or bad I suppose, and I'd rather not pry into people's past. I just judge them as I get to know them.. though sometimes their past comes up and it reestablishes negative feelings I may have about their current behavior.. And then to me they are objectively bad.. For interpersonal relationships, it's all in our heads in the end I guess.

A:

No haha, I try to talk to them most days though ^^

They are very busy people, so I support and do most things for myself! 

A:

this ask confused me at first because i wasn't sure why i was being sent it.

the conversation around with 18 year olds is because they are often 'barely legal' which is why they tend to be pursued and taken advantage of. even those with a small age gap will pursue 18 year olds for these reasons.. you have to figure out how you feel about this because even if you feel your intentions are good, you live in a world where this is true.

i as a 22 year old would judge my peers for pursuing an 18 year old. i had adult friends who immediately treated me differently when i turned 18, so my opinion is negative. i would never date an 18 year old, but how i feel has nothing to do with you. i will likely never know you or your partner or the dynamics of your relationship. 

A:

sending me a math question while i'm sick is a bit mean don't you think >_< 

likely wrong but i thought it'd be fun to try...... i will never take a common core test again.. math teachers historically have hated me lmao :point:

A:

I wish I recalled ^^; But it's just.. one of a million JP fetish eroge that romanticizes abuse without much substance. Boring and uncomfortable with no reward. I'd feel bad naming it though I'm sure I could find it easily.. It is just.. another work that writes mentally ill women/lesbians in a way that makes me roll my eyes haha.

I'm really happy you liked Spiral Egg Challenge! i'm reading a VN rn and it also reminds me of Spiral Egg.. i love.. works with focuses on sickness. As I play this VN (Narcissus), the music reminds me of Dog Island. it's a game i played as a child with a large focus on sickness too..

A:

HAHAHAAHAHAAHA. Well.

I don't try to have any strong feelings about kinlists. I am not particularly fond of them but it's mainly because I consume media in a different way and I was on Tumblr when kin and adjacent drama was was insane and I was unfortunately there.

I still form strong attachments to characters too, but I just think that's normal because characters  are vessels for an writers/artists' ideas.... And since I think of them as vessels which is the opposite of.. Kinning. I've sort of always had this belief but it's easy to want to own characters and Be them. It's something I try not to think about.. Psychosis.

But do know many of my close friends have kinlists or even fully ID as characters and I don't give a fuck lolll. I respect it and may send them art of characters they ID with since I sometimes like those characters too.. It's scary to me partially though because kinnies (and also yumes) sometimes feel ownership over a character so I don't want them in the same spaces at times LOL but I can't control that LOL. It's something I can understand as a mentally ill person but something I can't really entertain.

(ALSO IM NGL I WAS IN A FINAL FANTASY HOUSE ASS SITUATION WITH SOME REALLY INSANE PEOPLE.. SO I THINK MY BIAS AGAINST IT IS A BIT............................. JUST KNOW I WAS THERE. I WAS IN THE DARK...)

 

A:

of course ^^ maybe if you email me i'll give you my playlist haha!! i'm really happy it made your day!!!!

A:

For a second I was confused then I realized you were talking about Dorei-San!! Dorei-San is not my OC. Dorei is a Nijiura Maid! Umm, so is the girl with her in that image- Yakui-san. They are just.. old Japanese imageboard characters. Dorei-san's origins are not holy since she really is just a racism/dark skinned joke, but I am fond of her. Yakui-san is not holy due to being drug joke but she has retained popularity. They have anotherfrined who is a sexually provocative sentient corpse who I think is still drawn but not on the same level as Yakui.

They are like mascots so you can really just assign personalities to them. Dorei-San is typically depicted as being hardworking and friends with other unacceptable/offensive maids (ie the corpse up top is used for hot dead woman jokes). She's also friends with Yakui who I like a bit more since she has a personality that I can work with.

I have a Patreon ramble about her but I will compress.. People do not draw her because of the dark skinned slave joke.. but... I just get sad. I mean I know it's a shitty joke but shrugs, I mean.. I don't get why erasing her existence or not acknowleding it is the way to go.. So I like to repurpose her.. 

A lot of old art of her is from anonymous users on imageboards.. But a lot of the other maids are still drawn or used in things like maidcore.. So it's my personal mission to revive Dorei-San... I am bad at this mission though. I collect art of her where I can.. Find her on boorus, pixiv, old imageboard image reuploads, etc. I still need to draw her more myself though.. Maybe I should make a shrine to spread my gospel..

In way I feel like I am reclaiming her~ Sure she was a dark skinned slave joke but.. Many ancestors were.. enslaved maids... So it feels a bit good to draw her and flip her over in my head.. She's drawn so infrequently and often differently that I can really just draw her however I want.. I'm still figuring out the ideal way.. Here is an old image board drawing I like but know she has other depictions too. She varies a lot.

A:

Humans ar esilly and petty and this includes me. Envy is a very strong and real emotion for me. I haven't dated many people, but my friendships tend to be very strong and intense longlasting things I may end for the same reason romantic relationships end.. 

With envy, I try not to pay any mind, but this has gotten easier with years of practice.I do not keep up with people I disconnect from (which to me is the good and holy way), so I never know how they are doing, but you know, due to the nature of being online, it is easy to see others randomly... I will get anxious or envious at the worst of times, but... I feel cheesy saying this but I tend to practice mindfulness and other DBT techniques.

But early on, I can feel really bad. I have to go back to basics because being 'calm' is no longer my default. I do things to remind myself I'm a a whole defined person who exists uniquely. It's much easier, but it took a while to reach that point of doing it naturally. I had to practice through everything.. Throuugh every insecure thought, through my despair, through sleep deprivation.. 

But you know, coping doesn't get rid of envy!!! It's an emotion you feel and emotions are never reaosnable. It'll be uncomfortable even as you work through it and painful, but honestly, I'm somone who sits with my feelings... Sticking hands in them, lathering self in them if I can't get rid of them.

Breakups are hard and inspire lots of feelings.. Pushing them down won't help.. But know it's not shameful to hangout with friends and tell them about breakup struggles or just do something fun. Yapping and laughter is good medicine! It can feel petty to talk about your partner, but the best thing to keep in mind is you're not gossiping or talking shit, just explainining your feelings to a friend you want to support you

But being alone good too.. I listen to a lot of music about envy... It ends up being petty, but humans are just creatures. Sometimes you have to be silly. Sharing my playlist would be embarrassing but some songs I like are I Can Only Be Me by Mars Argo and smiles.. I like female rappers like Meghan the Stallion a lot.. Songs like Hiss and Her. Also like, Options by Eeimaj... It can make me focus more on myself when doing an activity, and liek.. all of those woman are cooler and prettier than me LOL, but you know,  a lot of these lyrics are about being unbothered and loving themselves but they're writing about hatred they're experiencing.. So it's not shameful to feel jealousy or envy.. But use it to boost your own ego!! Even if it's temporary and to not ler yourself get swallowed by the envy.. And you know HAHA maybe you won't like the music I like, but a lot of that sort of thing exists in all genres (god.. especially emo music lol).. That's just what works for me when I'm like.. Trying to focus more on myself!

And of course, it's good to not reflect on others all the time since you don't wanna think of them when you're doing something good for yourself (like stopping smoking ^^ congratulations that's awesome. or working out- that's great too, congrats! i don't care why you did it but i'm happy it's a journey you're taking! your college journey is entirely different from your partners' too so i hope you enjoy it). Chances are you find some joy in these things you are envious of. If you workout, do you enjoy it? Do you have a favorite thing you do? Have you looked into people in fitness you'd like? If you stopped smoking, do you tell your friends about it? Do they celebrate with you? Do you keep track of your  own milestones? Unless you stop these hobbies, you will likely still think of your ex sometimes..  it's hard to rid associations. Bt like, maybe you can go somewhere and hangout and think about the smell of smoke not being on your clothes... or maybe fitness will allow oyu to get into new activities! I play Just Dance and hike lol but you know.. all the people who introduced me to fitness don't do that stuff at all! 

And honestly, with all of that, I may still feel those feelings.. But sometimes, I tell myself I am not.. Fake it til you make it.. It may not be the best early on but you know.. It's kind of double edged sword in that at times, for me, telling myself I'm unbothered can result in rumination, so like, don't do that if that's a huge problem LOL, but for me all of the above is sort of.. A path to the unbothered feeling.. Focusing on self, having fun with friends, being best self.. Choosing happiness.. It is a mantra of being unbothered but it truly is "choosing" it to me, even if it's a choice you are actively making that you can't do perfectly. You

Hope that wasn't soo silly and made sense haha! Envy is weird feeling. I'v'e had to deal with it my entire life and really only got better at it in my 20s! 

 

A:

Yes do as you like. You are free to share it with me in my guestbook if you want

A:

Identity and things are hard for me to deal with. To claim to be something is a difficult action... but I like being a girl who likes girls. It is an easy thing to slide into, and acceptance from other girls knowing this is a fact about me feels good.

Girlhood was traumatizing to me but something I had to go through. To identify as a girl despite my detachment and struggles at being one feels nice. I still do feel much comradery with nonbinary people though, but that experience is not one I want to claim as my own.

A:

i get why you're sending me this, and i appreciate the thought, but i was talking about 2d girls. because i read yuri. i added real girls because i added my girlfriend, who is a real living girl, onto the page. This is obvious.

people have sent me weird things like this for a long time. i feel like so much of it ties to me being a lesbian who mainly talks about girls and aims content at girls. as such, every word i use is to capture diversity of womanhood. what one person may find affirming may be upsetting to another, especially when you begin to befriend girls who experience intersexuality (or even just hormonal differences) who have womanhood stripped from them all the time.

to add on, all of my experiences about womanhood are explored in my works, like my games and artwork. i know plenty of people engage with me and don't play my games, but even this site has a bunch of things that make my thoughts and feelings obvious. 

I'll also add last thing.  this isn't just me saying this as random cis girl. it's me saying it as a black girl, as black person who's blackness goes beyond the scope of my gender or sexuality or any other identity. i don't believe anyone when they just say 'they care about black women' or mention them in passing for the name of inclusivity or have some BLM blinkie because a lot of the time the people who do that are racist. notable people who do this are racist actually.

people who aren't in that minority don't realize because the person will just go "i care about black people." it's shallow to me. i raise my eyebrow at how people word things all the time but i don't ask them "How do you feel about black people?" 

If I really care, I explore their works and writings to see how they feel. And some people might raise an eyebrow at this because a lot of people never mention black people or consume their work or care about any sort of media with black people, and yeah, that is true. but i don't talk about that on my site. i talk about it with other black girls, including black trans women, in private, because it is something white people cannot understand.

I really don't like talking about blackness in spaces with lots of white people which is basically most queer spaces online, but I realize I should get this out of the way eventually.

TLDR: It is still offensive to me to see I am a lesbian, see a random word I use, devoid it of context when it has context in the original text, and then ask me about it when my site has the answers if you just read or control f search. And as a black person, I find it more offensive because of my own lived experiences being a minority in queer spaces. 

A:

on sns or on a site, no not really. it is just kind of stressful for me to post that kind of thing on SNS because those sorts of posts are devoid of context, and it's deeply personal to me. i don't want those sorts of illustrations to be engaged with outside of their stories/worlds, nor do i want it to be that easily accessible.

A: trans people are just people like every group of people. everyone is deserving of personhood, and to me, giving my opinion on the existence of any group of people in this sort of format is not quite the ideal of giving everyone a sense of personhood.

sidenote, are you new here? did you know i make fiction?

A: Hello! I am 21 years old, but I don't want this to be used as a form of self harm for you, please. I think it's important to put on emphasis on how many failures I've consistently had and the fact that I am still constantly battling with my failures and how to improve myself and my work.

I also find myself haunted by people younger or around the same age as me, but I've gotten better at not worrying about it. I've connected with so many people nowadays that i realize people just do things at a different paces. Sometimes people even do a lot of things around my age and wipe all of it from existence because they don't like it and start their slate anew.

Honing your craft is also a very important thing. Even if you're having a hard time releasing things into the world, thinking about it, practicing, etc etc will get you further along. And honestly, a lot of people nowadays don't do anything or drop their creative hobbies completely. You're doing well by by being on this path. A lot of the artists I knew in high school who were way more skilled than me (and well, they're still more skilled than me) don't even draw anymore.

You've got this! Good luck <3