mmm just annoyed lately i keep coming across narratives in content where people analyze a white person who gets a lot of hate and racism is treated like a small footnote.. they should potentially be forgiven for it or its just not given gravity.. people of color Are People. it's not your place to say who should forgive them or how long backlash against them should last. in all these situations, i've never even seen one of these influencers who should "potentially be forgiven" give an actual sound apology.

i am a leftist i just hate leftism in influencing / SS culture. it feels like nothing to me 🩷 it’s beneficial in that i can sort of expect people to not be outright racist/misogynistic/transphobic but i am also of the belief a lot of people identify as leftist without challenging their biases or doing any research.. smiles so then you can be a Black person and experience racism from a leftist and they can’t Understand.. no one believes you because a white person with “good” beliefs was racist!! that’s crazy!! it just means nothing to me.

there’s this youtuber i like who does some things i disagree with from time to time but i really like when he calls out transphobia and racism because i have to stop watching most men who don’t outright advertise themselves leftists a lot because they’ll randomly be cool with transphobia or racism after avoiding the subjects or being centrist on them at best..

i’m really fascinated by him… i find him really reasonable in a way i struggle to find and i like disagreeing with him.. his channel also seems really old. his old youtube videos i hate and i think he’s Older.. it’s clear he’s older and Better.. my brain has been really guh but one of his videos auto played where he dissects a man I hate and it really enthralled me

My eyes have gotten really sensitive in the past year so I might make ophanimkei dark soon. The instance might get a darker background too soon. Maybe we'll switch from Yume Nikki to another RPG maker Game.. l iek ummm. Haloppe..

i'm such a loser.

usuall yi can cry myself out but it feels like it will never end.

i fisleep for long enough will if ele better

alone in my house.

please sleep

despite sleep deprivation im too sad to sleep.. sits here

mom wants to send me money to go out but i dont want to do anything. i dont want to eat. i dont want tea. i dont want to walk around. i just want. to lie here. i cant think of where to go even.

ok

im so stupid 😭

i unfortunately always want to pick up substance use but i get enough secondhand vaping smoke in my face already coughs

i was gonna complain then i realized i was making a call for terror.

As I lose my mind, it dawns on me that perhaps tomorrow I should go get my labs.

I don't want to be reassured. I don't believe anyone. You'll find someone you love and leave me behind. I'll be the worst version and t he girl you wish you were never friends with . People will send me screenshots of you talking shit about me with all your new friends and I'll remember every time you said you liked me while rereading over and over you wish you never met me. It's inevitable It's inevitable it's inevitable. I hate everyone I hate everyone.

i keep saying i'll use my queue again but i just forget... i drew things. if i don't immediately post them.. it doesn't help that every SNS is broken. i tried to post that game dev snippet 8 times today. on tumblr it posted like 7 times.

my insuanrance covered new headache meds. 0$.. i didnt even use my savings card.. quite based